Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Magic Juan]

Lunar Plexus...

PAIN...Match....fighting....dick hurts....Caligula....fighting...Lunar Plexus.

Black....darkness...can't see...pain...match...Caligula...Cornelius....Cornelius Waylan....father?....Father????....Father!!!!!!

Axelrod opens his eyes and screams father, which sounds like a fucking banshee howling. The other Lightning bloodsport stars that lost at Abhorrent Anathema stop talking and mending their wounds and look at the injured Axelrod.

"What the fuck..." someone mutters, and someone else throws a rock across the cell, hitting Axelrod.

Axelrod has no pupils in his eyes, the whites looking eerily into the darkness of the cell. His eyelids close as he sinks to a state of semi-catatonia.

Father...pain....Caligula...dick hurts...fucking dick hurts...match...New Plymouth Rawk...airplane crash...airplane crash...Lunar Plexus...Lunar fucking Plexus...I hate fucking Lunar Plexus!!!!!!!

Axelrod screams the last bit again, suddenly rising up and bringing his elbows to his side and extending his fists.

"Lunar Plexus! No one fucking beats Axelrod Waylyn, NOBODY! I WILL FUCKING GUT YOU AND WEAR YOUR BODY AS A COSTUME FOR MY NEXT SHOW. I WILL PLAY YOUR TENDONS, carefully unwinding each one around my fingers UNTIL YOU BEG ME TO KILL YOU! LUNAR PLEXUS!!!!" He screams out into the jail.

"Will you shut the fuck up, you fucking lost because you suck you idiot" Someone says, and then they throw another rock at Axelrod, hitting him right in the chest.

Axelrod ignores the rock, and suddenly he loses his balance, falling against the side of the cell and slowly sliding downwards. His eyes close.

"Lunar Plexus....Lunar Plexus....father......father why did I fail....father....match....dick fucking hurts....Steve Perry....fucking Steve Perry...what did he say..."

[Magic Juan]

Axelrod opens his eyes

"Wheel in the sky keeps on turning Axelrod. I know where you'll be tommorow, you'll be fucking dead!" Steve Perry screams, another chromification laser whizzes by Axelrod's head.

Axelrod looks around, seeing all the black unicorns fucking stampeding around him. Suddenly, three charge at him from different areas of the stampede. Steve Perry runs at Axelrod with his head down, also trying to impale or trample Axelrod. Our protagonist is a pawn in a deadly game of Hungry Hungry Unicorns.

This is such a load of shit. Axelrod thinks, lighting another cigarette. Right as he brings the cigarette to his mouth, another laser shoots at him from the giant wheel in the sky and he dodges out of the way, right into the path of an incoming black unicorn.

Shitballs, shitballs in my hand... Right before the beast's deadly hooves descend upon him, Axelrod jumps up over its horn, which rips a small line under jacket and pants before he lands facing backwards on the unicorn's rear.

That was close... Just as he saws that, Steve Perry rams into the unicorn Axelrod is on and Axelrod goes flying off. Steve Perry falls backwards just as a ray hits the unicorn, turning it into a million shining plates of disco ball chrome. Axelrod lands on the ground, and a unicorn goes galloping across his chest, trampling him and he bounces off the ground underneath him. Axelrd immediately rolls over and begins vomiting blood onto the ground.

"Don't stop believing in my power, Axelrod" Steve Perry fucking exclaims, licking his lips and sauntering towards Axelrod. Just as Steve Perry stands in front of him, Axelrod projectile vomits blood straight at Steve Perry, right into his helmet holes and everything.

"ARRHGHGGHHHH! This is probably infected with hepatitis and shit! Jesus Christ, AHHHH" Steve Perry screams, taking a step back.

WooooshA Unicorn passes between them and suddenly Axelrod is gone.

"What the hell?" Steve Perry turns around and sees Axelrod smirk, riding the unicorn. He takes his cigarette and puts it onto the horses' ass, using it to brand an A and W on it with flames shooting out of the side. He then grips the unicorns neck with his guitar pick hands and suddenly Axelrod's and the unicorn's eyes roll back into their heads, showing nothing but pearly whites. Steve Perry smirks and snaps his finger, and one of the unicorns trots up to this side. He mounts it, and begins charging at Axelrod.

The two rock and roll heroes are charging at each other from across the plain of rock, both galloping at full speeds on two black unicorns. The wheel in the sky continues shooting rays of disco death at Axelrod, his finger-pick hand acting as spurs in the unicorn, helping it zig and sag to avoid them. If there were a CAMERA, it would zoom up right into Steve Perry's eyes as he looks determined to kill Axelrod. Then another camera would zoom up into Axelrod's milky white eyeball, a look of murder and hate on his face as he gallops towards Steve Perry, AND HIS FUCKING DESTINY. Just as the two fucking are about to collide their unicorns against one another, they both jump off their goddamn unicorns into the FUCKING AIR, FLYING AT ONE ANOTHER IN A COMPLETELY ORIGINAL FASHION. The two super fucking stars collide making a large fucking noise of some fucking sort that I can't even describe it because Axelrod is simultaneously clawing at Steve Perry's face while Steve Perry begins headbutting Axelrod in the fucking face and punching him repeatedly in his fucking guts. Meanwhile, Axelrod is making sure that his STILL LIT CIGARETTE is burning Steve Perry everytime his head comes down to headbutt him. Axelrod starts kicking him in the fucking kneecaps and Steve Perry's fucking abs are extending out of his torso and hitting Axelrod in the fucking chest, attempting to stop his fucking heart. The two fly out of the air and slowly sail towards the ground in a fucking violent octo-orgy of massacreage (TM) and blood is fucking flying everywhere and holy shit, even Steve Perry's fucking helmet is off revealing a motherfucking beautiful face
and shit. The two land on the ground creating a huge fucking crater.

Axelrod lies on the ground, blood seeping out of his mouth as he slowly coughs and gasps for breath. He slowly moves his arm down into his pocket, gets another Stone Cold Wife Ashtray unfiltered and brings it to his lips, lights it, and gasps one long draw of smoke and nicotine. Steve Perry lies on the ground, his long hair matted and bloodied, half of his chest and face grinded up into man-slices from Axel's fucking hand. He slowly gets onto all fours, and stares at Axelrod.

"You aren't just a rocker anymore...you've become a pugilist of the highest degree...still....nothing can touch my flame." Steve points at his Wheel in the sky, but as he attempts to will it to fire a beam at the prone Axelrod, nothing happens.

"Heh....hehehh.....ehehehehehehe" Axelrod chuckles, and lies on the ground and continues smoking, one of his arms over his side, trying to comfort the thousands of bruises he has just immediately sustained.

Steve Perry slowly crawls over to Axelrod. "I'll murder you yet... there can only be one rocker to rock the masses and bring the joy of fucking shred back to this diseased land...and it will be me." Steve Perry grabs a stone from on the edge of the crater, and steadies as he gets ready to try and snuff Axelrod's life out.

"You...fool....I've discovered....a secret...the fusion of rock and roll....and the second greatest talent in this world...." Axelrod trails off, content to suck on his cigarette and blow smoke into the air.

"What is it? Answer me fast and make it count, for it shall be your last words!" Steve Perry yells, standing up, ready to deliver the stone onto Axelrod's head in deadly fashion.

Suddenly, Axelrod disappears and before Steve Perry knows it, he's fucking back on all fours. Leaning Steve Perry back, he applies pressure on his back and legs and runs them through his fucking legs, getting him into a fucking sharpshooter. Steve Perry screams in unholy terror as the pressure slowly starts to crack the base of his spine.

"I call it the Achilles Last Stand, the ultimate symbiosis of rock and wrestling, the two greatest forces this world's ever seen. Now, would you like to tell me your last words so I can sing them at my next concert?" Axelrod says, grinning, inhaling the cigarette and blowing smoke out without even fucking removing it.

"No, don't kill me! I...I know where the rawk stone is! It's in the Holy Lightning Empire! I was going to conquer New Plymouth Rawk and gather an army to invade, let's work together on this journey, we'd be unstoppable!" Steve Perry pleads, tears pouring down his face as his back slowly cracks.

"I'm sorry, but your journey ends here. I'm greater then any army." Axelrod exclaims, and he suddenly uses his pick-hand to shred the achilles tendons of Steve Perry, fucking causing him insane pain. Steve Perry screams in an unholy frenzy, and Axelrod creates enough fucking pressure with his finger pick hands to make Steve Perry's blood pump furiously as he screams. In a fucking murderous synergy, Axelrod fucking uses the Achilles Last Stand to seperate Steve Perry in fucking half as the blood rushes into Steve Perry's head, fucking exploding it.

Axelrod tosses the lower half of Steve Perry away and stands up.

Hmmm, this cigarette has quite a delicious taste. There must be a woman around here somewhere for me to put it out.He turns to look around and all he sees is a fist flying straight into his face.

[Magic Juan]

What the fuck? is all Axelrod can think as he goes flying back twenty feet. Just as he tries to open his eyes as he lands violently, a fucking kick to the side of the head makes him explode into pain and flip around thirty times. Axelrod spits his cigarette out, and looks around the Steve Perry's old arena before another fucking boot kicks him the opposite direction. Axelrod lands on the ground, and begins to puke blood as even more blood floods out of his nose. He flops down onto the ground, holding his head in pain.

"You killed Steve Perry eh? (Heheheheh) You must think your hxc!" A raspy voice exclaims, before kicking Axelrod another twenty feet.

Oh fucking Dio almighty, what the hell is going onAxelrod thinks as he rolls into the side of what was Steve Perry's old mansion. He tries to slowly get up and slump against the building just as a man runs up to him. THe man has a huge nose ring and that connects from his fucking ear to his fucking spine. He's wearing nothing but a huge leather vest with patches and shit and spikes all over it. On his feet are two huge fucking leather boots with smiley faces on the tips.

"The smiley faces want you to have a nice day." The man exclaims before punching Axelrod in the face so hard that he spits a tooth out.

"Jesus...fucking....Christ....what the hell....do you want..." Axelrod cries out, as fucking blood runs down his face.

"Oy oy oy, straight to the point eh? Very well, I'll tell me more, but I was thinking, thinking you see, that you're not even worth my time! So, as a measure of your strength, you'll have to come find me in Mosh Pit City. Have a good day!" The man kicks Axelrod in the fucking face and he flies up ten feet along the wall, before landing back on the ground and falling over.

Axelrod looks over and notices that the man is gone,

Fuck, I landed on my cigarettes.

[Magic Juan]

"Hey, guitar pick fingers, wake the fuck up"

Axelrod opens his eyes.

"By Emperor Caligula's famished cock, you have been granted an audience with the mighty God-king of the Holy Lightning Empire, so get the fuck up!" A goon with a hair cut that resembles a mohawk, except it's long around his neck so that it's also a mullet says.

Axelrod turns his head and looks at the goon, knowing full well that he could tear the goon asunder. He remains lying down on the ground in the cell, and his eyes roll into the back of his head.

"Uh....uh...you have uh.... one minute to get ready for transportation, we mean business, Emperor Caligula has news for you!" The gun stutters, and slowly he puts the key into the lock on the cage door. Right as he puts the key in the lock, about a hundred goons storm down into the prison and surround the cage.

The cage Axelrod is in is a giant circular thing with a bunch of other wrestlers in it. The cage itself is suspended over a huge vat of acid, with a spiral staircase leading up to it. The ceiling of the cage has thousands of RAZOR SHARP RAZORS and the bars of the cage are actually made of the flesh of the Cysquatch. The Cysquatch is a one eyed SASQUATCH that is extremely rare and can SEE INTO THE FUTURE. Emperor Caligula alone slayed all the CYSQUATCHES in Metalrapia and used their fur and skin, which was harder then even fucking diamond, as the bars for his jails.

Hundreds of the goons surround the cage, and slowly the one goon opens the door. All of the goons have chainsaws and tridents and shit and are ready in case Axelrod tries anything!

Just as the door opens, Axelrod does fucking try something! He springs into the air vertically and begins to spin extremely fast, his guitar pick fingers in front of him, making him basically turn into a fucking human drill! The goon that opened the door looks down and instead of a chest and stomach, is just a fucking gaping hole and shit. Axelrod mows down 10 fucking goons like this before falling onto the ground in front of a bunch of goons and kneels on his all fours.

"Fuck...I need....nicotine...." Axelrod gasps, and he falls down.

Another goon laughs at all the carnage and pulls his dick out, which is hard as a fucking rock.

"I sent Twat storm ahead of me because I love blood and guts knew that you'd be weak without having smoked in a few weeks. The erect guard begins to masturbate, however, another goon, PROBABLY OF A HIGHER RANK BECAUSE HE IS WEARING EPAULETS, CUTS HIS HEAD OFF WITH A CHAINSAW.

"Enough. We need to get this man to Emperor Caligula. Guards, pick him up."

Several goons apprehensively look at each other and nod, slowly picking Axelrod up, and they begin to carry him to the throne room.

[Magic Juan]

Emperor Caligula Lightning sits on his mighty throne with thousands of goons surrounding him. In front of him is a huge bone pit, with two guys in tattered clothing in the 10 foot deep pit. Caligula Lightning stands up and points into the pit.

"You two were arrested on the border of my country, because you refused to be marked with the Caligula brand! You know stand before me, ready for my divine judgment, do either of you have anything to say in your defense?" Caligula licks his lips and wrings his hands together, a piece of a bone falls out of his mouth and his the side of the pit before bouncing in.

The two men look at each other, and run to the side of the pit. "Lord...Lord Caligua...please spare us....we came to try to get some food for our families, and zombies from the New Empire of the Damned killed all of our crops...please...we ask for clemency!" One of them begs, a look of stark fear in his eyes.

Caligula continues to wring his hands together. "Hmmm, food for your families? That sounds very important, that sounds like an issue that would most interest his majest Caligula!" He says, licking his lips. "Clemency not granted. Now here are your options, either you sodomize each other in front of me, or both of you die." Caligula cackles and raises his arms into the air, and all the goons aroud him cheer.

"Caligula has spoken!" screams one goon before cutting off several of his fingers with a butcher knife and throwing them into the ring.

"Long live Emperor Caligula!" another goon screams and he drops a bucket of acid all over his head, his dying screams of anguished cause laughter among his goon friends.

"Wait, before we begin, we need music! Court madrigal, play them a slow lament to their impending homosexuality!" Caligula yells. A man sitting in a far corner nods. He is wearing dark sunglass, and is completely bald. Bandages adorn his face and body as he wears pure white, and other then that and a battered acoustic guitar he holds, he is unremarkable. He slowly begins to play on his guitar, and the delicate notes fill the air of Caligula's court.

The two men look at each other, and slowly, as one of them begins to cry, he slowly takes his pants off and the other man mounts him. The two engage in homosexual sex while crying.

Caligula steps up to the pit. "Unfortunately, homosexuality is a crime in the New Caligula Empire! The penalty is death!" Caligula screams and the two men inside the pit start yelling and begging at the side of it. Two guns drag a huge vat of lava up to the side of the pit, and dump it in, burning and drowning the two men to death.

"That was most exquisite. Now, what is next on the list of things to do today?" Caligula asks his scribe next to him.

"Sir, your audience with one Axelrod Waylyn" the scribe responds, rolling back up his daily itinerary scrawled in flesh.

50 goons swarm into Caligula's audience room, carrying Axelrod. He is completely tied up and incapacitated, still unconscious.

"Goddamn it you piece of shit, wake up!" one of the goons yells, and kicks Axelrod in the face. Axelrod shakes his head and and looks around, his blurry vision slowly focusing.

"Axelrod, your battle with Lunar Plexus was most amusing!" Caligula exclaims. "I decided not to let your superior kill you because you were quite an amusing combatant, what with your darling little pick hands and shit. How about this Axelrod, if you fight for me, and make it a glorious battle against the GLORIOUS TITAN, and kill him in pleasurable ways in my name, then I will grant you the Rawk Stone. I don't really have need of it anymore, my power is much too overwhelming" Caligula says.

Axelrod looks around in a daze. "Lunar Plexus..." he says softly, ignoring most of what Caligula just said.

"So that is our agreement then, if you kill Glorious Titan and serve as one of my emissaries of pain, then maybe I'll let you have a shard of the Rawk Stone...and then maybe I'll let you get a rematch against Lunar Plexus. How does that sound?"

Axelrod jerks his head up at the mention of Lunar Plexus, and makes an assenting grunt. His eyes glean with a furious murder at the sound of the man who defeated him.

"Excellent. I'll see you at the Slaughter Serenade my toy." Caligula dismisses Axelrod, and several goons beat on Axelrod's head with a leadpipe until he is unconscious again, carrying him back to the cell.

A goon steps up to Caligula. "My lord, the Rawk Stone is a valuable artifact, are you just going to give it away to some piece of shit puppet of yours?"

Caligula sits back down, licking his lips. "Of course not. A few lucky fights against some jobbers will boost Axelrod's confidence. Just enough to make his death at the hands of Lunar Plexus most exciting. He'll work for us until he is of no more use to us- Court minstrel, stop playing, I did not ask you to play!" Caligula yells. All eyes in the chamber turn to the bald man, as he slowly stops playing some sort of noble theme on his acoustic guitar. He puts his head down.

"Slaughter Serenade will be a most delightful massacre" Caligula says, and slowly he begins to eat a plate of baby in front of him.

[Mautty]

You better hope SUPER AGENT HARRY UNDERWOOD leaves you something to fight.

[Theldorrin]

This is awesome.

[Vinny]

Hey!

[Spamdini]

Logically, should the most rocking submission move be the Walls of Jericho? Still, awesome stuff!