Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Clotho]

Oh...oh, that.

[Seru]

I really miss the lighter tone in the first half of the suicide and depression thread.

[Richard Cristopolis]

That's ironic, man.

[Magic Juan]

UM, I used to be extremely suicidal if I drank too much. There were times in university where I was drinking myself to blackout and I would wake up with a suicide note written and a knife near me and shit like that. One time I woke up against my bathroom door with a belt around my neck but it was not tied to the door handle. If I do not drink an extreme amount of alcohol this does not happen anymore! I guess these things seemed more like cries for help, but I distinctly remember how suicidal and nihilistic I felt when I'd get very, very, very drunk. I basically dealt with these feelings by drinking whiskey and chain smoking cigarettes every day for a summer and the desire to be in this state went away.

I guess I constantly think about how boring other people are and I wonder if getting married at 25, buying a house, and doing things that seem completely unfulfilling to me is the only way these dudes keep from suicide. Basically anything that I see people do that mirrors my parents lives or in line with the forward trudge to socially acceptable adulthood makes me feel depressed, but if I think about all the things that can be done that are NOT those things I feel happy and free. I do have friends though who it seems wholly appropriate that they settle down and I am ecstatic that they are living as they have chosen to live.

One of the better things about being older is that I am much more conscientious about taking care of myself and not being an alcoholic or degenerate. I was scared that I broke my brain a while ago because of MDMA use but it was more or less seasonal depression mixed with stress. I do feel like my brain lanners is completely different than when I was even 25 and that I take more time to maintain my physical and mental health. In university I basically assumed that I was forever broken and during my one year job hunt there didn't seem to be much that would excite me. The US economy is a nightmare, etc.

I will say that continuing to work in a corporate environment is as soul crushing and depressing as everyone makes it out to be and that I will have to maintain outside projects that will lead to an alternate work path. The corporate/capitalist aspect of how to exist so that you can make money for the shareholders makes you sociopathic and numb to the world after a while which is worse than death, IMHO

[Magic Juan]

Fundamentally, I just want to sit around and suck on tits all day while listening to "Happy" on repeat.

[Sporkism]

I've definitely wanted to actually die a lot of times!

I've figured out that if I keep myself constantly busy to the point of exhaustion/nervous breakdown, I don't have time to think about how much I'd rather be dead.

So far, so good!
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