Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Theldorrin]

This is the thread for discussion about Mike's stalker.
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[16:48] <UltimateMike> Episode #I: The Beginning
[16:48] <UltimateMike> Two teenage, mildly retarded men, named Special and Geezbat
[16:48] <UltimateMike> discover from reading a script that they're supposed to
[16:48] <UltimateMike> find the Holy Grail or their feet will turn into magic
[16:48] <UltimateMike> oranges that sing british music.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> Then, two giant bears get out of a cabinet and attack
[16:48] <UltimateMike> our two retards/heroes.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> The two get clobbered and then a witch clad in white appears,
[16:48] <UltimateMike> wiggles her nose, then tells the two bloody (literally) morons
[16:48] <UltimateMike> that they now can activate special powers and the knowledge
[16:48] <UltimateMike> is stored in their heads.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> The two then yell their catchphrases:
[16:48] <UltimateMike> Special: Magic Pee-pee!
[16:48] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Flying Blue Appliances!
[16:48] <UltimateMike> The two then morph into stupid looking fighting suits.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> The two then beat up the bears with large party favors and
[16:48] <UltimateMike> bananas.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> The two then ask the witch where to find the Holy Grail.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> She says that they should look behind the orchard.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> They go there to find a hybrid Monkey/Elephant that starts
[16:48] <UltimateMike> throwing turds at them when he sees them.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> Special activates a pair of springs on his feet, causing
[16:48] <UltimateMike> him to fly into a giant basket of turds being carried by
[16:48] <UltimateMike> a Stork.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> Geezbat then frags the beast with a jet of water fired from his nose,
[16:48] <UltimateMike> with Special crashing into a tree soon after.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> The duo then begins to search for anything related to the Grail,
[16:48] <UltimateMike> eventually finding a scroll hidden in a hole in a tree.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat then find out that, to get the Grail, they
[16:48] <UltimateMike> must find a pair of legendary singing pineapples guarded by
[16:48] <UltimateMike> a pair of orange midgets.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> The next day, they arrive on Nesquik's Lint island to celebrate
[16:48] <UltimateMike> Geezbat's mother's birthday.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> They accidently run into one of the midgets, who kicks sand on
[16:48] <UltimateMike> them and flies off into the forest.
[16:48] <UltimateMike> Angrily, Geezbat runs after them but is attacked by a totem pole
[16:49] <UltimateMike> Having a fear of spiders, he pees out too many bodily fluids
[16:49] <UltimateMike> and passes out from the lack of blood.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> Special is searching for his friend when he runs into Captain
[16:49] <UltimateMike> Dick Head and his crew, who are plotting to steal the island's
[16:49] <UltimateMike> condoms.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> They capture him and force him to watch a video of a diseased
[16:49] <UltimateMike> man picking his nose.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> Special makes a daring escape, then finds Geezbat dying in
[16:49] <UltimateMike> the forest.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> The spider attacks Special, but his toenails fly off and cut
[16:49] <UltimateMike> the strings holding the spider up, causing it to fall to the ground.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> Special then carries Geezbat to the shaman's tent, remembering
[16:49] <UltimateMike> when they first met in the mental institution: Special was there
[16:49] <UltimateMike> because he wanted to marry a spanish pear, while Geezbat was
[16:49] <UltimateMike> sent there because he stabbed a blue golfing umbrella with a
[16:49] <UltimateMike> butcher knife while wearing a Stimpy mask.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> Special then imagines Geezbat healed and the 2 of them french
[16:49] <UltimateMike> kissing each other in a tub of motor oil.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> The shaman heals Geezbat within an hour and the duo goes off
[16:49] <UltimateMike> to find the grail.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> Episode #II: Finding the Pineapple
[16:49] <UltimateMike> They run into a pair of giant weebles, then a singing lemon who
[16:49] <UltimateMike> farts a lot, then the two midgets.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat battle the Weebles, and the farting Lemon.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> Geezbat shoots water out of his nose, which only turns the
[16:49] <UltimateMike> right midget green.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> Special then whips out a sword and thinks that adding parts of
[16:49] <UltimateMike> his suit to the sword will make it stronger.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> He takes off his shoes and attaches them to the sword, then his
[16:49] <UltimateMike> gloves, then his only sock, then his mustache, then his boxers.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> Then, his sword glows bright blue and he slashes a hole in the
[16:49] <UltimateMike> left midget, blowing him up.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> The remaining midget does an attack where he turns green, then
[16:49] <UltimateMike> yellow, then mauve, then his eyes bulge out, then he explodes.
[16:49] <UltimateMike> The duo continue onward to a tiki statue that's holding the
[16:49] <UltimateMike> pineapple.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> Then, the Tiki comes alive, telling them that in order to get the
[16:50] <UltimateMike> Pineapple, they must pass 3 tests:
[16:50] <UltimateMike> The first is to walk on a bed of sharp glass. Geezbat does this
[16:50] <UltimateMike> with ease, since his shoes have steel pads built into the underside.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> The second is to eat a hundred chocolates covered in ketchup and
[16:50] <UltimateMike> about fifty mustard covered pickles.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat both enter this, and their opponent is a gorilla.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> Geezbat eventually can't go on, but Special, not knowing what taste
[16:50] <UltimateMike> is, easily out eats the gorilla.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> The final test is for one guy to just stand in a spot and an ogre
[16:50] <UltimateMike> with 1 eye and 4 mouths will come out and smash his groin with a
[16:50] <UltimateMike> special club, the hardest known club to man.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> Geezbat volunteers but Special goes instead, saying that he wants
[16:50] <UltimateMike> to keep Geezbat alive and well and he's wanted to ever since
[16:50] <UltimateMike> Geezbat nearly died in the jungle.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> Geezbat then sees a fairy (the tiny flying kind, not the gay kind),
[16:50] <UltimateMike> finds him/her, then asks how his friend can be saved.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> The fairy then explains the there's a special jock strap made out
[16:50] <UltimateMike> of pure diamond called the "Diamond Strap" that can easily withstand
[16:50] <UltimateMike> the shock of the club and save Special.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> Geezbat then follows the fairy to a volcano where the fairy tells
[16:50] <UltimateMike> him to leap up and he'll reach a yard in the skies, where there's
[16:50] <UltimateMike> a leprechaun with a pet elephant who can give Geezbat the Diamand strap.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> Geezbat tries to jump, but can't leap anywhere high enough. He then
[16:50] <UltimateMike> has an idea.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> He runs into the jungle, pisses off a rhinoceros by kicking him
[16:50] <UltimateMike> (the rhino has a dick and ballsack, that makes him a man), and
[16:50] <UltimateMike> is hit hard in the ass by the horn, sending him flying insanely
[16:50] <UltimateMike> high and tearing a hole in his boxers and tights.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> He lands in the yard, and sees a treehouse in the center. He goes up
[16:50] <UltimateMike> to it and knocks, then a leprechaun comes out.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> Geezbat then tells the leprechaun to take a tic tac and take a bath,
[16:50] <UltimateMike> which angers the leprechaun. He demands that if Geezbat still wants
[16:50] <UltimateMike> something from him, he must fight him and his elephant.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> Geezbat tries to do one of his moves, but a spell from the leprechaun
[16:50] <UltimateMike> sends him flying into a tree.
[16:50] <UltimateMike> He then has a dream where he's met by a talking sandwich carried by
[16:51] <UltimateMike> Darth Vader, who tells him that the only way to defeat the leprechaun
[16:51] <UltimateMike> is to use the power of the moon.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> Geezbat then wakes up, wonders how he'll do it, then has an idea.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> He leaps out of the tree and moons the leprechaun and the elephant,
[16:51] <UltimateMike> shocking them.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> The leprechaun then tells Geezbat that he's won and asks Geezbat what
[16:51] <UltimateMike> he wants. Geezbat tells him he wants the Diamand Strap.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> Geezbat is handed the strap and he's about to jump off the yard,
[16:51] <UltimateMike> unaware that this would lead to death from heights, when the
[16:51] <UltimateMike> leprechaun tells him about that and teleports him down to Earth.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> Meanwhile, Special is about to get whacked in the crotch by the ogre,
[16:51] <UltimateMike> when Geezbat arrives and throws Special the strap, telling him to put it on.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> Special starts to put it on his head, but Geezbat yells "PUT IT ON OVER
[16:51] <UltimateMike> YER BOXERS!!!"
[16:51] <UltimateMike> Special then moves the strap over his groin and the ogre's club smashes
[16:51] <UltimateMike> into it, causing no damage.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> Then the ogre smashes the strap again and again in frustration, then
[16:51] <UltimateMike> stomps away.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> Then the magical duo go off to the Tiki, which gives them the pineapple.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> episode #III: Three kings
[16:51] <UltimateMike> The duo then try to figure out what to do with the pineapple. Special
[16:51] <UltimateMike> suggests that he stick it in his nose, but Geezbat has a better idea.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> They go to an abandoned fountain that's still got water and Geezbat
[16:51] <UltimateMike> says that when he was little, his mother told him that if he threw
[16:51] <UltimateMike> a magic pineapple into a fountain, he would get extensive magical
[16:51] <UltimateMike> abilities for a year. He also recalls that at that moment, his father
[16:51] <UltimateMike> came in and sat down, wearing a green ogre mask.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> Special thinks stuffing it in his nose would help, and an old man walks
[16:51] <UltimateMike> over to them, snatches it from them, and chants "Gee fladabas, potaa-to,
[16:51] <UltimateMike> potah-to, spish ginsh!"
[16:51] <UltimateMike> The pineapple glows, then teleports the trio to a medieval land.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> Geezbat asks why they're here, and the man explains that the Holy Grail
[16:51] <UltimateMike> is located in the land of Camelot, and that Special and Geezbat have to
[16:51] <UltimateMike> save the land from 3 corrupted kings.
[16:51] <UltimateMike> He then says that the first king has passed a law requiring everyone to eat
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Geezbat asks how he knows this and the old man explains that he was the
[16:52] <UltimateMike> second king's former lover.
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Then, the old man says that the third king is actually a puppet ruler and
[16:52] <UltimateMike> his wife, the queen, is in charge.
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Special then asks which king they should overthrow first and after a pause,
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Geezbat decides that they should take down the transvestite after playing
[16:52] <UltimateMike> paper-rock-scissors with himself.
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Meanwhile...
[16:52] <UltimateMike> The second king is standing in front of his missor in a sexy feminine pose,
[16:52] <UltimateMike> wearing a cape, a pair of pink panties, and a pink t-shirt with the words
[16:52] <UltimateMike> "Buy a girl a drink?" on it.
[16:52] <UltimateMike> King: Ooh, I look SOOO PREE-TTY!!! I could give that Queen Trix a few lessons
[16:52] <UltimateMike> on beauty!!!
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Outside, Special and Geezbat start to head torwards the drawbridge when
[16:52] <UltimateMike> the old man pulls them out of view of the castle sentries and asks them
[16:52] <UltimateMike> why they want to give themselves away.
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Wasn't that the plan?
[16:52] <UltimateMike> The Old Man (called Elliot), annoyed, gets them to follow him around to a side
[16:52] <UltimateMike> of the castle that doesn't have any guards visible on it.
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Elliot then asks if the two can fly or jump high with their powers, and
[16:52] <UltimateMike> the retarded duo decide to try it. They both leap torwards the castle,
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Special hitting the wall.
[16:52] <UltimateMike> In the King's room...
[16:52] <UltimateMike> BOOM!
[16:52] <UltimateMike> King: Oh my goodness! What was that?
[16:52] <UltimateMike> He then looks around and immediately, Geezbat crashes through the window.
[16:52] <UltimateMike> The king gives a high pitched feminine shriek and covers his revealing garment
[16:52] <UltimateMike> with his cape, eyes darting around, looking for any other intruders.
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Geezbat picks himself up and notices the king.
[16:52] <aldp> I wonder if Mike realized this would take so long
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Well what. SPECIAL, I MADE IT!
[16:52] <UltimateMike> King: Er, What are you doing in my private room. You didn't even KNOCK!!!
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Aha! You must be one of those kings! Get ready to die!
[16:52] <UltimateMike> King: Er, WAIT NO!!! I'm not the king, I'm just a... doppelganger! Yes,
[16:52] <UltimateMike> doppelganger!
[16:52] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Huh? Oh, okay. I must of gotten the wrong room. SPEC-AAUUUHHH!!!
[16:53] <UltimateMike> The two are struggling to untangle themselves while the king's watching and
[16:53] <aldp> I could have done with a warning
[16:53] <UltimateMike> snickering.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> The king quickly runs off torward his bathroom to change back into his dress/robe
[16:53] <UltimateMike> when a splurt of water hits the wall near him and blows a hole in it.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> King: AAAHHHH!!!!
[16:53] <UltimateMike> He turns around and sees Special and Geezbat brandishing a sword and mace,
[16:53] <UltimateMike> respectively. he then dives at their feet.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> King: AHHH!!! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!! I JUST THOUGHT EVERYONE WANTED TO WEAR
[16:53] <UltimateMike> DRAG!!! I CAN CANCEL IT!!! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!!!
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Okay, Special: guard him. I'll go back for the old guy.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Geezbat turns around and leaps out of the window, a crash and echo soon being
[16:53] <UltimateMike> heard.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Special: KING, YOU HAVE ME TO SEE YOU, Don't do anything.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> The king stares dreamily upwards into Special's eyes.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> King: Ooh... You're so handsome... You have the ginchiest eyes...
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Special: What's an eye? And what does ginchy mean?
[16:53] <UltimateMike> King: You are THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!
[16:53] <UltimateMike> The king stands and holds his arms outward.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> King: Come, come into my arms!!!
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Special screams and steps back, trips on the broken glass, and falls out
[16:53] <UltimateMike> of the window, landing in the moat below.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> The king runs up to the window and looks out.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> King: Oh My Goddess! I'd better call an ambulance!
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Special is hauled out by Elliot, who groans, gives him CPR or something,
[16:53] <UltimateMike> and Special wakes up, seeing a talking monster on a polka dot background.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Elliot: Special!!! Wake up!!!
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Special: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Elliot: WH-WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA YELLING IN MY FACE?!?
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Special's vision then returns to normal.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Special: Huh? Saw-ree, old guy. You were a monster for a minute there.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Elliot: The name's ELLIOT. <<I don't want to know...>>
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Special: Hey, you see Geezbat anywhere?
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Elliot: He went all the way into that forest over there.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> He points toward a dark, gloomy looking forest.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Special: Oh my god.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Elliot: I'll say. He was the one of you I could actually STAND.
[16:53] <UltimateMike> Behind them, a bruised Geezbat arrives, wearing a colorful rainbow
[16:54] <UltimateMike> jumpsuit instead of his combat suit.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Guys!
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Special, Elliot: AAUUGH!!!
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Hey guys, I'm alive.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Elliot: DON'T DO THAT!!!
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Special: Geez, where's your football suit? (ref. to Geezbat's fighting suit)
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Well, this really wierd thing happened. I was attacked by this
[16:54] <UltimateMike> guy in a helmet and his talking brown furball and then this
[16:54] <UltimateMike> little girl came in with this white furball and talking horse
[16:54] <UltimateMike> and her belt fired a beam that repelled the helmet man and brown
[16:54] <UltimateMike> furball, and then they took me somewhere where I got some clean
[16:54] <UltimateMike> clothes and some directions to here back from Rainbow-something.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Elliot: Rainbow-what?!?
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Dunno. It could have been either land or lan or tan, like I said,
[16:54] <UltimateMike> I dunno.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Elliot: Very strange.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Yah, I know.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Meanwhile, at the castle...
[16:54] <UltimateMike> King: We HAVE to up security, Jeeves!
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Jeeves: Yes, suh.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> King: Those bastards saw me while I was doing "the thing", they must be
[16:54] <UltimateMike> punished!!!
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Jeeves: But I thought you'd fallen for one of them, suh.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> King: Well, that's just my hormones. They're very naughty little boys.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Jeeves: yes, suh.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Special, Geezbat and Elliot are about to decide what to do next when an
[16:54] <UltimateMike> ambulance arrives and a few paramedics hop out.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Medic: What happened? Where is the guy who fell in the moat?
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Special: Moat?
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Yeah Spec, moat. That's the thing around the castle where guys
[16:54] <UltimateMike> pee in.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Elliot then whispers in Special's ear, and soon Special's saying how he feels
[16:54] <UltimateMike> fine when he conks out.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> The medics and the trio climb into the ambulance and drive away.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Then, Geezbat asks the medics what they're gonna do, and one of them says
[16:54] <UltimateMike> that they're going to give Special a shot with a 2 foot long needle.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> That thought scares Special, who was pretending to be hurt, and he leaps out of
[16:54] <UltimateMike> the stretcher and starts clobbering everyone.
[16:54] <UltimateMike> Elliot: AUUGGHH!!!
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Help!
[16:55] <UltimateMike> The ambulance veers off to an emergency side road and the driver and two cops
[16:55] <UltimateMike> from the front get out and go around to see what's going on and when they
[16:55] <UltimateMike> open the door, Special, with the springs to his feet again, leaps out, knocking
[16:55] <UltimateMike> the trio over.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> A few minutes later, when Special's calmed down, the three are riding the
[16:55] <UltimateMike> ambulance to the castle, with the trio dressed in the paramedics' uniforms.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> At the castle...
[16:55] <UltimateMike> 2nd King: Hmmm... I do NOT like this tummyache I'm getting. Jeeves, call a
[16:55] <UltimateMike> doctor!
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Jeeves: They've already come, suh.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Jeeves is pointing out the window and the king peers out to see the ambulance near
[16:55] <UltimateMike> the drawbridge.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> 2nd King: Ah, excellent. Tell the man manning the drawbridge to lower it, Jeeves.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Jeeves: Be careful sire, it could be a trap from those two hooligans who broke
[16:55] <UltimateMike> your window.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> 2nd King: I KNOW that. That's why all of my guards should be present. That's
[16:55] <UltimateMike> what they're there for, right?
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Jeeves: ...Yes, suh.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> *Special, Geezbat, and Elliot get into the castle pretending to be there to help the
[16:55] <UltimateMike> 2nd King with his stomach problem, fight his guards and his giant muscular boyfriend,
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Emanuel, and
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Now, the trio go off to eliminate the King with the Psycho-Bitch Queen, stopping
[16:55] <UltimateMike> because Special shrieked that he heard an ostrich. When Elliot asked him what
[16:55] <UltimateMike> he heard, Special responded: "I HEAR GREEN!!! IT SOUNDS GREEN!!!"
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Bewildered, the trio continue onward.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Episode #IV: The Greatest Horror
[16:55] <UltimateMike> they arrive at the castle and hear yelling from inside a higher floor.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat wince, while Elliot looks determined.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> In the Castle...
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Queen Ritch: AUUUGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!! How DARE you, you VILE WRETCH OF A MAN!!!
[16:55] <UltimateMike> King Vectem/Ritch (forced to assume his wife's name): Aaahhhhhhhhh... Please...
[16:55] <UltimateMike> My Queen... I BEG OOFFF YOOOOOUUUUUUUUU.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> The group hear a crack that sounds like a large object breaking and cringe.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Neither of Special or Geezbat want to go inside the castle, and Elliot grabs them and pulls them by the shoulder to the place.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> They see 2 walruses standing guard by the drawbridge and spouting gibberish.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> They head around back and Geezbat tries leaping into a window, and crashes through the stained glass.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Queen Ritch looks up from her pummeling. King Vectem is lying in a bloody heap.
[16:55] <UltimateMike> Queen Ritch: WHAT WAS THAT!?!??!!?!?!?
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Ritch leaves and Vectem has a sigh of relief.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Geezbat get to his feet, dazed. he is in a dark room surrounded by torture instruments.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Omg... I'm GOING to DIE.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Sudenly, a giant banana with the head of a pink-and-orange gazelle and 4 bowling pin legs charges in, yelling: "I AM A LEMON TULIP, and I want a Bowling BALL WITH COCKROACHES."
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Narrator: Holy crap, please dont noooo!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> KONK!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> New Narrator: Sorry folks I was locked in the janitor closet by that lunatic, I'm the true narrator for Special and Geezbat and their true names are Spencer and George and they're lawyers in a firm in wisconsin.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> KONK! KONK! KONK!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> First Narrator: I THOUGHT I LOCK YOU IN THE CLOSET!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Suddenly Geezbat wakes up and he's in a bed with Special in an inn in the forest, "Oh Special I had the worst nightmare I dreamed that somewhere in a strange land called Sumner two crazily dressed guys were fighting about us and one of them called us George and Spencer.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Special: Good you're awake let's start making love and forget about those crazy nightmares.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Geez wakes up on the floor of the room and sees the banana get killed by a giant pillsbury boy clone that has four arms and pliers for hands.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Eyes wide, he runs to the door, screaming (Yes, there IS a door in this room...).
[16:56] <UltimateMike> He runs into Ritch and screams again.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Ritch: HOW DARE YOU, YOU PESKY INTRUDER! I'M GOING TO STRING YOU UP... AND TORTURE YOU!!!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: OOOHHHHHH NNNOOOOOOOO........ ELL... SPECIAL... MY CUTEY GODDESS LANGVAN (?) SAVE ME AND TAKE ME TO YOUR ALLURING CRYSTAL PALACE AND PUT YOUR LEASH ON MYSELF, YOUR FIRST LOYAL PET SLAVE!!! (Obviously not focusing on Spec. or Elliot)
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Ritch: YOOUUUU... I'LL REALLLY TORTURE YOU FOR THIS!!!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: AAAUGGHHH!!! HELP!!!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Geezbat tries to run from Queen Ritch and smacks into a wall.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Special hears the thud.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Special: Oh no! Geezbat needs my help!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Special makes a loud shriek and a large Homosexual wearing platform
[16:56] <UltimateMike> sandles runs in, leaps, and smashes into Geezbat's castle floor.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Ritch: WHAT?!? ARRGH!!!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> She suddenly runs off to savagely beat the king for no logical reason,
[16:56] <UltimateMike> because she's one-dimensional.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Special leaps in.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Special: Geez!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Geezbat gets up.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Huh?
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Special: Geez!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Special! Where are we?
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Special: The castle!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Let's get out of here! I don't want to fight that monster again!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Meanwhile,
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Ritch: Husband!!! THIS IS SOMEHOW YOUR FAULT!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!
[16:56] <UltimateMike> The king is nervously hiding in a cupboard.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Ritch opens it.
[16:56] <UltimateMike> Ritch: Aha! Didn't you think that I would have found you here, AGAIN?!?
[16:57] <UltimateMike> King: Eep!
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Ritch: Now, prepare to d- ARRRGH!!!
[16:57] <UltimateMike> She gets grabbed by the gay guy, who bites her head off and eats it after
[16:57] <UltimateMike> she somehow turns into a gummy treat.
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Gay Guy: Hmmm, good! Hey, are you okay? Are you scared?
[16:57] <UltimateMike> The King nods nervously.
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Gay Guy: Here, you look like you could use a little treat!
[16:57] <UltimateMike> He tosses him the rest of the gummy Ritch, and the King clambers out of
[16:57] <UltimateMike> the cupboard, eating it.
[16:57] <UltimateMike> King (after finishing): ...I'm free. I'M FREE!!! Thank you!
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Gay Guy: Aw, don't mention it.
[16:57] <UltimateMike> King: WHAT CAN I DO TO REPAY YOU?!?
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Gay Guy: Hmm...
[16:57] <UltimateMike> The Homosexual smiles.
[16:57] <UltimateMike> The King's eyes widen.
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Episode V: YAY!!! ORANGES!!!
[16:57] <UltimateMike> The trio continued onward, Elliot saying "Now, when we get there, you must
[16:57] <UltimateMike> GO AROUND to the back, then look for a small hill. In that hill is a hidden passageway INTO
[16:57] <UltimateMike> the castle."
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Geezbat said "Gotcha, old man. Where'll you be?"
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Elliot said "I will... guide you to the hill, of course! I cannot come all the way with
[16:57] <UltimateMike> you, as the King has forbade my presence, and he has posters of me all about the place,
[16:57] <UltimateMike> making it easy to spot me!"
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Geezbat said "Oh, okay. Couldn't we disguise you? Maybe something like this?"
[16:57] <UltimateMike> He takes off his football helmet and rams it onto Elliot's head.
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Elliot: Mmmph!
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Elliot struggles for a while, then gets it off.
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Elliot: NO! I can't be seen like that, nor can I stay to look after you! Take care
[16:57] <UltimateMike> of YOURSELVES, and I will be back later on with equipment for the both of you!
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Elliot helps Special and Geezbat find the hidden passageway, then when they've
[16:57] <UltimateMike> left, he leaves, heading off to somewhere...
[16:57] <UltimateMike> In the throneroom of the Third King, there are pictures of Oranges, sculptures
[16:57] <UltimateMike> of oranges, a rack of torture instruments resembling oranges, and many
[16:57] <UltimateMike> other things resembling oranges.
[16:57] <UltimateMike> The Third King is reclining on his garish throne, putting out a cigarette and
[16:57] <UltimateMike> dropping it into an orange shaped ashtray. He is talking to his royal advisor.
[16:57] <UltimateMike> Third King: Ha ha, the people will LOVE my orange mandate! WHO CAN RESIST THE WONDERS
[16:57] <UltimateMike> OF AN ORANGE?!? The taste, the look of it, the... Citrus...
[16:57] <UltimateMike> The King quivers for a while, then reaches for a box, pulling out an orange
[16:58] <UltimateMike> from it and starting to peel it.
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Advisor: Indeed, my lord. It shall be FANTAST-EEC. ALL THOSE PEASANTS...
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Third King: YES... AND IT WILL ALL BE THANKS TO THE OBJECT OF LEGEND... Advisor!
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Have my elite team of heroes discovered it yet?
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Advisor: Yes, sire. They beat to death the inspirational young children
[16:58] <UltimateMike> carrying it. Shall I have it brought here?
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Third King: ...HELL YEAH.
[16:58] <UltimateMike> The Advisor leaves and brings back two abnormally tall basketball players,
[16:58] <UltimateMike> at around 8 foot four each, both carrying a huge chest.
[16:58] <UltimateMike> They open it, and show the King what the sacred object is.
[16:58] <UltimateMike> The Holy Grail.
[16:58] <UltimateMike> ------
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat have entered the castle via the secret passageway,
[16:58] <UltimateMike> and are wandering around, drawing attention from confused peasents.
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat are demorphed. When Geezbat sees one of the villagers,
[16:58] <UltimateMike> pointing a finger, jaw wide open, he says "Hey, we're here to take out yer king.
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Can you show us where he is?
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Geezbat follows the villager, Special wanders off in a random direction
[16:58] <UltimateMike> only to be herded by other villagers in the same direction as Geezbat and
[16:58] <UltimateMike> the other villager.
[16:58] <UltimateMike> The advisor runs into the chamber, looking deeply disturbed. The king is smoking
[16:58] <UltimateMike> from a bong made of orange peel and some squash-looking substance, and looks up,
[16:58] <UltimateMike> surprised.
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Advisor: Sire! SIRE!!!
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Third King: Whuh? <pulls> What the HELL is it, baz?
[16:58] <UltimateMike> What has your panties in a knot?
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Advisor: SIRE, THE PEASANTS ARE ANGRY, IT COULD BE THAT THEY HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU
[16:58] <UltimateMike> AND YOUR CITRUSY TYRANNY, AND IF SO, THEN THEY HAVE TWO VERY, VERY POWERFUL
[16:58] <UltimateMike> ALLIES WITH THEM!!!
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Third King: *snort* Yeah, RIGHT. FUCK THEM!!! FUCK THOSE VILLAGERS, THEY DON'T KNOW
[16:58] <UltimateMike> WHAT'S GOOD FOR THEM!!! THEY NEED TO BE BABIED, MADE TO TELL WHAT TO DO,
[16:58] <UltimateMike> NEH-NYEAH HA HA, THEY NEED TO BE ...*PUPPETS!*
[16:58] <UltimateMike> The Third King starts TO snigger like an eerie psychopath, his eys crossing, a wild,
[16:58] <UltimateMike> uber-happy look in them.
[16:58] <UltimateMike> All of a sudden, the doors burst open, and the villagers storm in, led by
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat.
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Special: HAH-HO!
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: You're dead, King!
[16:58] <UltimateMike> (COMMERCIAL BREAK <HOHOHO>)
[16:58] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat are standing confident in front of the King, the villagers behind them
[16:59] <UltimateMike> and the Advisor standing off in one corner, getting increasingly nervous, sweat beginning
[16:59] <UltimateMike> to drip off of his face and hands. The King starts to leer at Special and Geezbat, trying
[16:59] <UltimateMike> to look sinister, like the greatest villain of all time, only he messes this up and simply
[16:59] <UltimateMike> looks weird, like an energetic pedophile in a drug-induced anime.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: We're not that afraid of you, King-ie! We're gonna take you down! Special, ready!
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Geezbat whips his head around to look at Special in a coordinated action-tv way.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special whips his own head around to look at Geezbat.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special: Yeah!
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat move their arms as if to touch imaginary henshin bracelets, then,
[16:59] <UltimateMike> in a choreographed motion, move their arms toward each other in a "FUU-SION" sort of way.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special: Magic Pee-pee!
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special morphs into his red spandex/fotobal uniform/boxers, flexing a bicep.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Flying Blue Appliances!
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Geezbat morphs into his blue s/fu (don't take it the wrong way)/b, doing a Ginyu Force style pose.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat do a different set of poses.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> S&G: SPECIAL AND GEEZBAT... SPECIAL INVESTIGATION... SEN-TAI... (How the fuck do Geezbat and
[16:59] <UltimateMike> esp. Special know Japanese? -Ed)
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat both do the sam fists in the air, one leg up, bent knee pose, each
[16:59] <UltimateMike> facing the opposite direction.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> S&G: ...*Sputter* SPECIAL AND GEEZBAT!!! (? -Ed)
[16:59] <UltimateMike> The Third King (His name is Sneebles, m'kay? -Ed <?>) gets up, stretching his chest and flexing
[16:59] <UltimateMike> his muscles.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Third King: No one will escape from my decrees! WE WILL ALL AGGG<BLEEP> OURSELVES ON ORANGES
[16:59] <UltimateMike> AND BENEFIT FROM IT GREATLY!!! *SPIT, SPUTTER*
[16:59] <UltimateMike> The King's deranged look gets even sillier and more deranged.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special: Geez, this guy's crazy!
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Yeah, I know. You take him from the left, I'll take him from the right!
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special: Go' it.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Spec. and Geezbat move to either side of Sneebles, arms raised and fists clenched.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Sneebles: How-HOw DARE YOU... THIS *SNICKER* THIS ISN'T A FAIR FIGHT! ADVISOR, *OOH-HO-KAI-OOU*
[16:59] <UltimateMike> The Advisor looks aghast.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Advisor: NO!!! PLEA-AAAAAARGHHHH!!!
[16:59] <UltimateMike> The Advisor turns into a huge, orange, musclar, somewhat hairy monster, mouth brimming with
[16:59] <UltimateMike> sharp, creepy teeth.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Special!
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Monster: AROO... BLARARUUUUH *Slobber*
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special turns around.
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special: AUUUGH!!!
[16:59] <UltimateMike> Special narrowly avoids being clobbered by the monste, rolling aside and getting back up,
[17:00] <UltimateMike> readying himself for another attack.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat tries to punch Sneebles, but he dodges and punches Geezbat's shoulder, sending him
[17:00] <UltimateMike> stumbling back a few feet.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Sneebles: YOU CAN-NOT DEFEAT ME!!! MY BELOVED ORANGES WILL SEE TO THAT!
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat whips out his mace.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Yah bloody right. C'mere.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Sneebles keeps his distance, smiling growing to Joker-esque proportions.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Special whips out his sword, watching the monster readily.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> THe Monster is making "Hoo hoo hoo" sounds, stratching his abdomen and left breast,
[17:00] <UltimateMike> then begins to relax and scratch his crotch.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Special: AUUUHHHH!!!
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Special runs his sword into the monster, causing him to gasp and slump over, making low moaning
[17:00] <UltimateMike> sounds.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat waves his mace at Sneebles, who grabs it, turns the macehead into an orange and eats it,
[17:00] <UltimateMike> grinning at Geezbat eerily, orange juice dripping from his mouth.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat begins to sweat, seeing Sneebles, grinning devilishly, orange juice dripping down
[17:00] <UltimateMike> sloppily...
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Just then, Geezbat gives out a loud shriek, and fires from his nose, no, NOT water, but
[17:00] <UltimateMike> a huge of snot, which hits Sneebles, knocking him over and wrapping around him like a cocoon.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Sneebles: Hmmphh... AAUGH!
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat then leaps up in the air and fires a hadoken.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: AAAUUUUGGHH!!!
[17:00] <UltimateMike> The Hadoken hits Sneebles, killing him instantly.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat lands on the ground, panting. Special runs up to him.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Special: Geezbat! We did it!
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Yeah, hey, what's that?
[17:00] <UltimateMike> He points to the chest containing the Holy Grail.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat run up to the Chest, faces lighting up as they discover the very thing
[17:00] <UltimateMike> they were looking for all five episodes...
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat picks up the Holy Grail.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Hey, Spec. We got it at last.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Special: YEAH! THEE ONE THING DAMN -FUCK- NEAR EVERYONE HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR, THE ONE THING THAT
[17:00] <UltimateMike> GUYS HA' BEEN QUESTING FOR EVER SINCE MUSCLEY DUDES WENT RUNNING AROUND IN LOINCLOTHES,
[17:00] <UltimateMike> KILLING DRAGONS AND RESCUING PRINCESSES!
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Yeah! I think I remember how to activate this thing, I saw it in a golden oldie once.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> He holds up the Holy Grail, which shines in the sunlight.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Klaatu... Verada... Nikto!
[17:00] <UltimateMike> The Holy Grail begins to shine, and Spec and Geezbat's feet briefly glow a bright yellow
[17:00] <UltimateMike> and tingle with electricity.
[17:00] <UltimateMike> Eventually, the Grail stops shining, and Geezbat lowers it down to his chest.
[17:01] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Spec... It's DONE.
[17:01] <UltimateMike> Special: Ahh, YAY!
[17:01] <UltimateMike> Special shakes his fists in the air.
[17:01] <UltimateMike> Just then, a voice cuts through the sunlit throneroom.
[17:01] <UltimateMike> ???: Good. I'm glad you could activate the damned grail by yourselves.
[17:01] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat look. The voice belongs to Elliot, standing in front of the villagers.
[17:01] <UltimateMike> Elliot: Congratulations, you two. Your feet are saved. Your quest is over. Now come with me.
[17:01] <UltimateMike> Now is the time for you to begin in a new direction.
[17:01] <UltimateMike> Geezbat: Why?
[17:01] <UltimateMike> Elliot: DAMMIT, JUST COME WITH ME!!! *WHOO*
[17:01] <UltimateMike> Special and Geezbat come with Elliot, who leads them out of the castle, and to a huge, pale
[17:01] <UltimateMike> blue tent.
[17:01] * ChanServ sets mode: +o TL
[17:01] <UltimateMike> In it, they find a streamlined silver-white short bus with blue stripes, a fat, forty-something
[17:01] <UltimateMike> latino guy bending over and working on the engine, his crack showing.
[17:01] <UltimateMike> Elliot: Now that your quest for the Holy Grail has ended, The two of you can now wander
[17:01] * UltimateMike was kicked by TL (TL)
[17:01] <TL> I did this ... for you.

[Theldorrin]

The background, for those of you that aren't in the know, is that Mike is being bothered by some dude on Youtube.

Apparently he, unprovoked, started sending messages to Mike a few years ago. Initially, Mike responded to his stuff. But he stopped a few years ago, and this guy has kept it up.
_________________
@}-,-'- *~*~* Member of the FTU Elegant Tea Party Society *~*~* -'-,-{@

[Action Hank]

Theldorrin, based on your experience as an internet stalker, how does this guy rate?

[Theldorrin]

He has a high level of crazy. Maybe level 15 or so.
_________________
@}-,-'- *~*~* Member of the FTU Elegant Tea Party Society *~*~* -'-,-{@

[Servbot]

Out of 20?

[Theldorrin]

The levels continue without limit, provided you have enough experience points to level up.

Keep in mind that the legendary Chive Mynde was only a level 20 crazy.
_________________
@}-,-'- *~*~* Member of the FTU Elegant Tea Party Society *~*~* -'-,-{@

[ALDP]

Mike, you should post the whole story so we can read it in a less exasperating format

[johnbuisthegreat]

Were these the messages sent? It seems like a screenplay for gay male sex fantasies.