Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

cloacal kiss · (Tue May 26, 2009 7:58 am)

This is my thread to catalog my hilarious Matthew Outland style adventures in Europe. I'm going to Vienna on Thursday. I've been pretty depressed since the end of March so I don't go out or do very much other than travel once in a while. I had tonsillitis for 3 weeks. I'm going to smoke a joint and read about AIDS denialism if my internet keeps working, we steal it from somebody way down the street from us and it isn't very reliable. Starting around the time I got tonsillitis I've had a weird feeling of pressure in my stomach like I ate too much, it actually hurt me to take a full breath for a while. I'm not sure what the problem could be, I'm not really ever hungry so it doesn't sound like a parasite, which sucks because I like to imagine them cutting me open and pulling out this huge pulsating cyst that splits open and spills tiny white worms all over the place.

YES · (Tue May 26, 2009 8:03 am)

Getting a job isnt as brutal as I once thought it would be, so maybe you should try that

How long are yo going to stay in Vienna?

cloacal kiss · (Tue May 26, 2009 8:17 am)

Just the weekend.

I'm in a gay de facto relationship here, which isn't to say it's with a man but that it is stupid and gay. I always try to tell myself I'm nicer and more open-minded than I really am, that I enjoy the company of lots of different kinds of people. I got involved with this girl because I thought she was cute and she seemed like she could be interested and we were already around each other a lot. She makes tons of stupid jokes and is overall just really loud and exhausting. For a while it was good because we tried to only speak in Italian so at least I was accomplishing something (practicing my Italian). When I got depressed I gave up and now we mainly speak English. We've had sex a few times but for the last couple of weeks I've been too exhausted and sad to do anything but make out and Do Foreplay until I come and fall asleep. I think I cried in front of her once when we were drunk but she doesn't remember it and I might be thinking of another time I've cried in front of a girl I was drunk with.

cloacal kiss · (Tue May 26, 2009 8:21 am)

I live with a Spanish couple I met through a friend from my old house. We all went to Croatia together and it was really nice. I smoke with the guy a lot, he's always playing Lineage II. They both love TV and they got me watching Lost and Breaking Bad. Sometimes I wonder if he's depressed too because he leaves the house and attends to his personal responsibilities as infrequently as I do. They've got two cats who are really great and I spend a lot of time watching the cats, petting them, following them around. My fake girlfriend is going to let me borrow her camera and I'll take pictures of the cats. Their names are Haze and Yucca.

Theldorrin · (Tue May 26, 2009 8:21 am)

Oh, it also hurts me to take a deep breath.

Rice · (Tue May 26, 2009 8:23 am)

Jesus. Is ITALY the depressing element because by all other accounts it seems like the only European country I'd like to visit.

Sporkism · (Tue May 26, 2009 8:25 am)

My mom's first Internet boyfriend was a 25 year old from Italy.

cloacal kiss · (Tue May 26, 2009 8:25 am)

It's a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

Thanks, Theldorrin, that confirms my suspicion that the stomach problems are just part of my depression.

cloacal kiss · (Tue May 26, 2009 8:52 am)

I thought of a hilarious "Weird Al" Yankovic style parody of the song "Six Pack" by Black Flag. Actually I just replaced "Six Pack" with "Facebook" in the beginning of the song which is the only part I know.

"Facebook" by Matt Hall
I got a FACEBOOK!
And nothin' to do
I got a FACEBOOK!
And I don't need you!

I did this in Italy.

Magic Juan · (Tue May 26, 2009 9:40 am)

No!
Join Obama Supporters!
No!
Add Henry Rollins!
No!
Untag your photos!

Theldorrin · (Tue May 26, 2009 9:46 am)

Big Fagot · (Tue May 26, 2009 10:28 am)

cloacal kiss · (Tue May 26, 2009 10:53 am)

Yeah, there's a lot of pressure in my torso. Have you heard of that before?

Potatoes · (Tue May 26, 2009 4:25 pm)

So, the pressure is in your torso?

How often do you smoke?

Maybe you eat your hair when you're asleep? And now the hair has built up and is causing a blockage. How do you like Lost? I stopped watching it earlier this year, but apparently the season ended recently, and I only missed 4 or 5 episodes so I'll catch up on them this summer. Maybe we can chat about Lost sometime, if you don't die.

Potatoes · (Tue May 26, 2009 4:54 pm)

Ha ha, what am I saying, of course you'll die. If you die in Rome, does the pope officiate your funeral? Have you run into any Gypsies yet? Are they cool? Or are they maybe scary? I think if I ever met a Gypsy, I'd be scared at first, but then I'd think they were cool. I dunno, I probably won't ever meet a Gypsy. Are you still in college? Have you ever ridden around on a scooter in Italy?

cloacal kiss · (Tue May 26, 2009 7:03 pm)

There are gypsies everywhere in Europe to my knowledge. I don't know why you imagine you would ever "meet" a gypsy, the extent of their interaction with non-gypsies is walking up and holding a crying baby in their faces while asking for money. Sometimes they walk by on the train and leave little notes in the empty seats, and if you pick them up and read them they say "I am very poor, supporting my parents who are very sick and cannot work, and also my children," then they walk back collecting the notes and... I dunno, asking for money I guess. I've actually only seen the note-leaving part (two or three times), I've never been around for collection. I don't know what kind of retarded ideas you have about gypsies, you faggot yokel!

I'm still in college. I haven't ridden any scooters and probably won't. That reminds me of a funny thing Italian guys do, they're really affectionate and physical with each other in a way that would be weird, at least, in NEW ENGLAND. For one thing they all call each other "caro" and "bello" meaning "dear" and "handsome." They are constantly walking with their arms around each other, sharing bikes, staring deeply into each other's eyes. Scooters reminded me of gay Italian men sharing bikes, that's where this came from. My dad is visiting me in July, I might try to go somewhere and do a Segway tour while he's here since then I don't have to pay (I'm living on his money anyways but there's a difference between spending somebody else's money and letting them handle the money entirely).
I will most likely die here, Rome is a world capital and obviously the Pope can't officiate over every funeral in the city. Anyways I'm 6 or 7 hours from Rome by train.

YES · (Tue May 26, 2009 7:47 pm)

You could probably work in Italy without a degree, if you researched it

Or at least your student visa

FancyMichael · (Tue May 26, 2009 7:57 pm)

ALDP, I remember my dad talking about that. Italian dudes are totally gay.

He said that a couple of his friends would link arms with him when they were walking around and although HE ENDURED IT, he never truly became comfortable with it.

Theldorrin · (Tue May 26, 2009 8:03 pm)

That's not a very empowering thing to say about people of Italian descent, Michael.

You could have just as easily said that they're more in touch with other men's sexuality.

YES · (Tue May 26, 2009 8:04 pm)

All the gay Italians moved to the US (jason) because thats where all the boats full of sweaty cowboys and FACTORY WORKERS were

What, did you think that the boats and frontiers were settled by elegant heterosexual WOMEN or something? Immigration is much easier for homos(because only an idiot would settle a frontier or a foreign ghetto otherwise)