Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Jason]

The final match of Earth's greatest tournament.

To vote, you must post a story.

The winner will be crowned the most powerful and Godly being(s) to have ever existed.
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Last edited by God on Fri Apr 05, 33 4:00 am; edited 1 time in total

[Derek Payne]

Fuck you!

[Jason]

AHEM.
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Last edited by God on Fri Apr 05, 33 4:00 am; edited 1 time in total

[Servbot]

TOKYO - Gohan and Aochan make strange bedfellows: one's a 3.5-inch dwarf hamster; the other is a yard-long rat snake.

Zookeepers at Tokyo's Mutsugoro Okoku zoo presented the hamster — whose name is a tasty rice dish in Japanese — to Aochan as a snack in October, after the snake refused to eat frozen mice.

But instead of indulging, Aochan decided to make friends with the furry rodent, according to keeper Kazuya Yamamoto. The pair have shared a cage since.

[RPtotheMax]

The large, rotund GOODMAN peered over at the tiny mouse and snake. He was salivating, fangs dripping with expectation at his next meal. He thrust his hands at the tiny animals, hoping to scoop them into his jutting maw. GOODMAN's fat fingers, however, only met the earth.

It was then, in their darkest hour, that the true power of this 'shining friendship' came to be. The tiny mouse and snake launched an attack which would forever be legendary in the scope of small field critters.

For fourteen days and nights, the tiny animals launched hit and run attacks against their much larger opponent. With each nibble, fresh thick, viscous blood beginning to pool. Weakened by this long barrage, GOODMAN took one last giant gasp, and collapsed to the ground. The earth shook as this great giant of the Earth fell.

However, all was not right with the world, as the tiny mouse was caught under the great girth of the slain GOODMAN. Try as he might, Ao-chan could not move the giant.

Gohan and Ao-chan then looked long into each other's eyes, knowing that while they had found true friendship, the cycle must invariably be completed. Ao-chan sunk deep his fangs into Gohan, pulling him out from under the GOODMAN, and putting the small rodent out of his misery. He then consumed his best friend, forever carrying Gohan inside him.

Having killed his one and only friend. Ao-chan wept, then turned his fangs on himself. And thus ends the story of the most powerful friendship in the world.

Pyrrhic victory Gohan and Ao-chan.

[Seru]

cpsaros.tripod.com

[Action Hank]

The scene opens on a dingy and dark room. As lightning flashes, it illuminates a large slab of iron sitting on the stuffed corpses of Isaac Newton and Samuel L. Jackson. On closer inspection, the slab of iron is none other than the Dragonslayer. Another flash of lightning and we can make out a large hulking figure sitting on a chair that appears to have been crafted from the bones of Bruce Lee. A big meaty hand rests on the table. Lightning flashes again and the hulk is revealed to be John Goodman, his eyes glowing red, a helmet made from Mario's head resting on his own.

On the large slab sits a sickening feast. Chunks of stewed Stone Cold Steve Austin sit steaming in a bowl carved from Big Boss's skull. Snakes intestines sizzle on a hot plate in a sauce made from Nagano's brains.

"So...it...comes to this..." Goodman wheezes through his blood stained maw. His chest rises and falls with signs of difficulty. "The final...battle."

Lightning flashes and now we can see that a second chair made from Pyramid Head sits across from him. On it is an opened cage designed from the ribcage of Patrick Bateman and a bunch of Phil Collins cds. And in the cage sit the two brave warriors and strange bedfellows, Gohan & Ao-chan.

"Goodman, at last we meet," Gohan chirps. "You are an evil that must be banished from this world."

"GAW HAW HAW HAW!" Goodman bellows. He pounds the table as he laughs, physically denting the thick apostle-tainted iron.

"You... You talk about evil!" Goodman says, abruptly ending his laughter. He stares directly at the little rodent. "None of us are innocent. We are all wanderers in the darkness.

"No! You're wrong. Come on, Ao-chan! SHINING FRIENDSHIP!"

But there is no response from the snake. Lightning flashes, and Gohan turns to look at his friend.

"HAW HAW HAW HAW," Goodman laughs, as the little hamster turns and sees his friend is nothing more than a piece of bloodied skin.

"Oh god, oh god, no."

In the darkness, the little hamster shivers in fear, as he hears the sounds of Goodman licking his lips and fingers.

Then there is silence. Lightning flashes and suddenly the hulk is standing.

Between the thundering echoes of the storm, we can make out a sound of small bones and warm flesh being torn between monstrous teeth. In the morning, all that remains of the macabre feast is a message spelled out in blood.

__HEIL GOODMAN__

[Servbot]

Uh, who won?

[Action Hank]

That was really weird.

I am thinking of reworking the story from a completely different angle, but with the same outcome as this is probably too similar in mood to Vinny's earlier story.

[Vinny]

Goodman takes a giant shit on Gohan and Ao-chan, and the shit is filled with bones.
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[MADali]

This would be ridiculously gay if Goodman wins this tournament. No one has even fucking mentioned him in FTU's history and suddenly fags like Vinny and Ace are like GOODMAN is sooooo cool.

[MisfitMan]

John Goodman stolls down a row of viewing tanks at the Mutsugoro Okoku zoo, content in his relative anonymity of the Japanese culture. Goodman takes a few moments at each display, reading the information on each.

Goodman approaches an unsuspecting habitat, wondering what glories of nature it has to show him. Inside the glass habitat, Goodman sees something that offends him to his core: a snake and a hamster, cuddling happily under a tree branch. Goodman quickly reads the story of Gohan and Ao-chan posted close by. Goodman is instantely enraged by this travesty of nature and meal.

Goodman, a man who loves to eat as much as he loves to fight, sees Gohan and Ao-chan as agents of Evil. Goodman turns and sees a bench close by. He lifts the bench and hurls it into the glass, shattering the small habitat and startling the other zoo patrons. With people screaming and running in all directions around him, Goodman stomps over to the open habitat.

In a final act of beautiful friendship, Ao-chan has coiled himself around Gohan in a protective manner. It means nothing to Goodman. He grabs the snake and pulls it away with rage in his eyes. Ao-chan begins biting Goodman's hand and arm to no avail; rat snakes are non-venomous. Goodman lears at the cowering Gohan and smiles grotesquely.

"Watch this, you little faggot," Goodman chortles. "This is how you treat a morsel like Gohan."

Goodman grasps the terrified feeding hamster in his bloated hand and shoves Gohan into his mouth. Chewing loudly, Goodman laughs as Gohan's bones crunch and blood gushes from his lips. Ao-chan watches in horror as his one and only friend's life is extinguished before his eyes. Goodman is not finished...

"Useless!"

Goodman swings Ao-chan by the tail like a whip, bashing his head into the ground. Ao-chan's tiny body is broken and bloodied, and his life is also ended.

Goodman chuckles heartily and stolls off, proud in the knowledge of his superiority over Japan's ridiculous culture.

[MADali]

TOKYO - Gohan and Aochan make strange bedfellows: one's a 3.5-inch dwarf hamster; the other is a yard-long rat snake.

Zookeepers at Tokyo's Mutsugoro Okoku zoo presented the hamster — whose name is a tasty rice dish in Japanese — to Aochan as a snack in October, after the snake refused to eat frozen mice.

But instead of indulging, Aochan decided to make friends with the furry rodent, according to keeper Kazuya Yamamoto. The pair have shared a cage since.

But their friendship was threatened when Confessions of a Shopaholic star, John Goodman, tried to break their cage and eat them.

"I've never seen anything like it. I was walking past the cage and noticed a fat, sad looking man trying to grab them both and put them in his mouth" Yamamoto said.

Aochan, a 2-year-old male Japanese rat snake, eventually bit John Goodman on the neck while Gohan run up Goodman's pants. John Goodman then dropped on the floor and started crying and shitting his pants.

"We named her Gohan as a joke," Yamamoto chuckled. "But I don't think there's any danger. The fat man looked very harmless. Aochan and Gohan seem to have everything under conrtol"

The Tokyo zoo also keeps a range of mostly livestock animals, and promotes "cross-breed interaction" according to Yamamoto.

But Gohan and Aochan's case was "was a complete accident," Yamamoto said.

[Vinny]

GOODMAN is sooooo cool.
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[FancyMichael]

redd runs to the beach and sees andy. they embrace and redd says, "andy it's been so long."


"redd i'm so happy to see you."

they kiss and andy squeezes redd's butt and it reminds him of playdough

*8 months later*

redd is pregnant with andy's child and they are talking on a porch
"redd, our baby is going to be just fine. i have to go to work now at paradise island but i'll be back don't worry."

"okay, andy."

andy runs to the helicopter and it takes off to paradise island. a man in a white lab coat runs to redd and says, "are you andy
dufrane?"

"no i am redd."

"is that the chopper to paradise island?"

"yes, it is the chopper to paradise island."

"redd, i want you to know that the medical reports came in and you aren't having one child. you are having twins!"

*twenty years later*

andy and redd died in a warehouse fire and their twin sons are flying over paris on a hangglider. they are holding themselves up
with one hand each and are holding hands with their other hands. it is night in paris and fireworks are going off. a bunch of
fireworks explode and make the shape of a heart. the twins gaze into each other's eyes.

One says, "shawshank, do you think our parents are in heaven?"

"I don't know, redemption, but they're probably together and happy. it can't be any other way."

Gohan and Aochan

[Ryoko's Biatch]

Aochan sits still in his cage as Gohan scurries around, occasionally leaping off of his friend's back. Aochan was used to Gohan's rambunctious personality by now, and enjoyed it to a certain degree. But he noticed something had changed about the Tokyo zoo around them. His patient, serpentine eyes scanned his surroundings, however, his tiny brain was unable to comprehend entirely what had occurred.

The bars of his cage had suddenly turned brown and orange with rust and the concrete became broken and jagged. Strange noises filled the air, occasionally drowned out by the sound of metal scraping against stone. But no snake or hamster could possibly know what any of it means. Only that something bad had happened.

The cold had made Aochan sluggish, but still he forced his body to make an effort to escape. He slithers around the cage, looking for any hole big enough that he could fit his head through, repeatedly failing. Losing energy, each effort became more difficult than the last. His heart was beating faster and faster with each instant, it felt as if any moment his heart would explode. No amount of exhaustion would make him give up, though, his animal instincts wouldn't let him.

All around him, the zoo had become hellish. Fires raged for no reason. In one cage, twisted versions of the zookeepers who had spent their lives caring for animals, jabbed their dead hands through the hides of the elephants. In another, a lion with a human face cackled at the madness and then vomited blood as bones poured out of its mouth. Pyramid head shakes inhumanly, smashing the dull side of his oversized blade against his head, in the middle of it all.

On one lap around the cage, he is stunned into stillness by the sight of a massive human face. The eyes were huge and red, the teeth crooked and stained yellow. The man roars, which transforms into warped laughter.

"Gohan means meal in Japanese," Goodman says and then tosses the hamster into his mouth. Blood ejaculates between his lips, splashing across Aochan's head. Goodman starts screaming, his eyes rolling every direction at once.

[Big Fagot]

We could probably have entire graduate level courses on whether that was a correct use of "serpentine" or not.

[Fagzilla]

Ao-chan stared at Gohan, his stomach grumbling.

The keepers had forgotten to feed him again.

"D-don't worry, Ao-chan... I- I'm sure they'll be back soon..." Gohan said.

Ao-chan stared intently. "I'm hungry enough to eat a horsssssse!" he said. "Or maybe... a hamssssster!"

Gohan gulped.

Just then, John Goodman burst in. "This tournament can only have one winner!" he snarled. He lifted up his enormous leg to crush the pair.

Then Ao-chan ate him.

It took a long time.

"Nothing can defeat the power... of friendship!" Ao-chan said, and Gohan and Ao-Chan lived happily ever after.

[Potatoes]

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. Goodman didn't get to go to Heaven, he went directly the other way because he was killed last night by the shining friendship duo of GOHAN & AO-CHAN.

[L Ron Butterfly]

Are you seriously going to count that as a vote?

Here's my story.

Potatoes is ugly and inbred. The world is linked together with every human being holding hands, forming a big DAISY CHAIN accross the globe made possible by the land bridge built by the Barack Obama administration. The year is 2011, and everybody's worried about the Mayan Calander.

Japan has taken a cue from the U.S.A. and made the cheesy media sensation of Gohan and Ao-chan their new dictators. Gohan and Ao-chan are literally eating grapes out of a human skull when John Goodman kicks their door down and demands service.

John Goodman: GOD DAMMIT, I'VE BEEN IN JAPAN FOR A YEAR AND A HALF NOW AND I STILL HAVEN'T HAD A YOUNG HOT AMERICAN CHICK REACH OUT TO ME FOR A FATHER FIGURE LIKE ON THAT SHITTY MOVIE WITH BILL MURRAY.

Ao-chan: This is because you are fat and unattractive, have high blood pressure, a fiery temper. You were on that show Rossanne, which scientific surveys have proven to be the third leading cause of sexual dysfunction in human beings of both sexes, right behind Golden Girls and Who's the Boss. Still, if Tony Danza were here right now, he'd get play because his complete lack of talent and creativity makes women feel comfortable around him. You, on the other hand, while undeniably a one-trick pony, are good at what you do. This intimidates potential sexual partners who are looking for an ego boost that they won't find in somebody who may be their intellectual or artistic superior.

John Goodman: NOW LISTEN HERE YOU GOD DAMNED RAT OR SNAKE OR WHICHEVER ONE YOU ARE, I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE INSULTED. I CAME HERE TO CARRY OUT SOME HOT FRESH AMERICAN VAJ-HOLE. CALL UP BRITTANY MURPHY AND TELL HER ASS TO SHOOT A MOVIE IN JAPAN SO'S THAT I MIGHT FUCK AND YANK HER GOD DAMN PIGTAILS OUT OF HER HOLLOW FUCKING SKULL.

Gohan: This... this power. I can't believe it.

John Goodman: WE'VE GOT FUCKING HANDS ACCROSS THE GLOBE GOING ON RIGHT NOW FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT FIRST NONHUMAN DUAL DICTATORS ALL THAT SHIT AND A GOD DAMN CELEBRITY CAN'T EVEN GET HIS ROCKS OFF PROPER? DOESN'T ANYBODY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES???? (unleashes handgun)

Ao-chan: Put the piece away, Walter. They're calling the cops.

John Goodman: HAVE AT YOU!!!!! (john goodman shoots electricity out of his finger, blowing up Ao-chan)

Gohan: You've killed my one beloved. NOW YOU MUST DIE!!!!

Gohan levitates into the air and begins to power up.

Gohan: KA...

John Goodman: No, don't do it.

Gohan: Me...

John Goodman: You'll regret this, GOHAN!!!!!!!

Gohan: Ha....

John Goodman's flesh begins to slowly melt from the heat of Gohan's awesome power.e

Gohan: Me...

John Goodman is barely in human form, appearing as an a-skeletal lump of clay.

Gohan: HA!!!!!!!!!!!

A giant ki blast is fired at John Goodman, whose flesh has become so elastic that receives the blast like a giant trampolline, stretching all the way back and flinging the ki blast back at Gohan. The ki blast hits Gohan who is devastatedly hurt.

Potatoes: I don't even know who the fuck I am!!! But I was in Peurto Rico, holding hands with people, when I sensed you were in trouble, Gohan. Who the fuck AM I, and why am I not funny?

Gohan: There's still one thing you can do...

Gohan and Potatoes exchange knowing glances.

Potatoes: EAT MY SHIT FOR POWER!!!!!!!!!!!1111111

Gohan eats Potatoes' shit and recovers eighty percent health. The moral here is that Potatoes should be banned for shitting in Gohan's mouth.

Gohan: Now that I am almost fully recovered and Potatoes has telepathically sent the message that I am in trouble to the Hands Across the World campaign, I will charge up a Genki Dama, and all the people in the giant Daisy Chain will lend me their power.

John Goodman: OH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!


Gohan charges up the spirit bomb and fires it at John Goodman, disintigrating him instantly. However, John Goodman becomes more powerful in death than he ever was in life.

Oh yeah, and the Spirit Bomb also destroys the entire planet, fulfilling the Mayan prophesy one year early. The last thing the world found out before dying was that Barack Obama wasn't actually black. Also, Tony Danza and Brittany Murphy were having sex with eachother the minute the world exploded.