Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Magic Juan]

First, there was D'Lo Brown.

Then there was nothing.

Next? The big bang. Creation. Cosmos. Large masses of matter being hurled around at speeds faster then semen being attracted to a girl name Morgan's (who had not been born yet) vagina.

Overtime, stars slowly came into being. Formations of rock larger then anything that had ever existed coallesced into spheres known as, "planets."

On these planets, life slowly evolved. But would that life evolve to meet wrestling still maintains to be seen.

One million years later

On the planet Ceron, deep in the heart of the jungle, lived a tribe. It's people were simple. They lived humbly, feasting on the bones and meat of ogres that lived within the hills. Over the course of a hundred thousand years, a people of ivory skin came into being, evolved, created such wonders as technology, health services, and wheels the continued spinning long after their vehicles had stopped. The tribal people of Ceron didn't care. They lived simply in the jungle, where they hunted for food, gave birth to more offspring, built a few more huts here and there, oblivious to their surroundings. Every night, they would gather around a large, glowing rock, chipped with magma and etched with the entrance of Earth upon time. They would all surround the stone in a circular fashion, get on their hands and knees, and worship it. Slowly, the rock would vibrate and after a few hours of worship, it would slowly emit rays of light and vibrate wildly. Soon, the rock would calm down, and the villagers would go back to their huts and fall asleep, awed by the splendors of the rock.

The first misconception is that AIDS happened only during the 20th and 21st centuries. During the 10th century, God smote the villagers with AIDS. One of the last surviving villagers, Mumbe Adekimon, desperate to survive the plague that struck his village, took the rock and was going to bring it to a marketplace in Africa, before a white guy came and impaled him on a sword, and stole the rock. Over the years, the rock came under various ownerships. Some say the rock was present while Joan of Arc burned at the stake, others say the rock carried the bubonic plague into Europe after some gay guy was going to bring it to his french gay lover in France and accidentally dropped it into a latrine. No one thought to ever study the rock, or to worship it like the niggers had in Africa.

Until it was sold to Johann Bach.

[Big Fagot]

Yeah, rocks are hard, if you punch them it hurts, this rock is gonna go all the way in this federation!

[Magic Juan]

This isn't about Johann Bach; however, he was a fag but he was an important fag and that'll be dealt with later.

Fast forward to the year 2009

Somewhere inside of America, three people stand inside a room looking at a large computer screen on a wall. All around the room, various instruments from different ages float inside various tanks of viscous, bubbling liquid. One of the men staring at the screen is wearing a black tuxedo with a rose in his front pocket and a cumberband, but he isn't a faggot. The other two guys are just fucking dudes.

"Sir, information on the circumstances of his birth have appeared," Dude one exclaims, pointing at the screen.

"Anton (Still just some faggy dude), do we know if the rock was present at the time of his conception?" asks the man in the black tuxedo.

"I'm not sure, sir. But we do know that there was a lot of chaos and mayhem around that time, which so far has been representative of the rock being nearby" the other dude says.

All three watch the screen as it slowly flickers. On the screen, it looks as if they're seeing the inside of a dressing room. A man is inside, he has a green mohawk and a large band around his torso. On the band are various skulls, each one appearing to have one eye socket bigger then the other one, with two smaller circles indented underneath the slightly larger eyesocket. He stands salivating over a girl, who seems slightly comatose and is lying on a table.

"Time to rape you with this rock I found!!!" the man screams violently. He then proceeds to use a vice (Not related to Viscerape's brand of popular rape vices that were released, God rest the soul of James Leitch.) to pry open her vagina. Then, while the girl screams in unrelenting agony, he slowly forces a fucking guitar amplifier into her vagina.

"Time to rape you with this goddamn rock I found!" He screams again, plugging his Sinewgrinder I23X guitar into the amp, and turning it all the way up to 11.

All three men watch in horror as the man begins to wail on the guitar, with the sound exploding out of the groupie's vagina as she screams and cries.

Anton, the first dude, adjusts his glasses (He is farsighted) and slowly turns away.

"That has been verified as Cornelius Waylyn. We believe he came all over the amplifier right before he inserted it into that woman's vagina. It is not known how she survived that experience to give birth; however."

All three men watch as Cornelius slowly starts to reach the denouement of his jam, after of course playing his guitar for an hour with a violin bow.

Anton says again, "Some of those sounds you're hearing are tritones. The chord of the devil. They were outlawed sometime in the early 14th century when the Church decided that they were too powerful and invoked the devil. We believe composers started to discover tritones while the rock was in their possession, slowly driving them mad."

The man in the tuxedo looks at them, "Dear God, when is he going to stop raping her? The vibrations from the amplifier are slowly flying her uteral wall." At which point the screen begins to violently shake. Cornelius is seen getting something out of his guitar case. A large, spherical object is seen to be slowly removed while the guitar is no longer in his hands but shoved into her vagina with the amp, creating terrible, terrible feedback. He raises the sphere towards her when suddenly, the feed cuts out.

"Goddamn motherfuck, I know searching for Axelrod Waylyn would lead us to evil, but, I could never comprehend what sort of hell we've released." With that, the man in the tuxedo slowly turns around and walks over to a large vat. Inside the vat, a skinny white dude with a wig on floats around.

[Magic Juan]

Meanwhile, in a city somewhere in Southern California

After the FTUWpocalypse, San Diego became a place of rioting and murder. Hundreds of thousands of people were brutally murdered as FTUW Death Race 2007 reached its genocidal climax. Half the city was burnt down while a group of insane skullfuckers tied flaming poles to their dicks and began raping buildings, and then quickly immolating themselves afterwards. The only thing that kept some semblance of order within the city were its myriad of music rock acts, who, once the police force crumbled, quickly assumed control of the city. Each band took control of a different section of San Diego, newly renamed New Plymouth Rawk, and by providing essential living supplies they were able to win the support of the survivors who lived in that area. There were five main areas of New Plymouth Rawk, each with its own dominant band. This event takes place in the fringes of the section dominated by the Unicorn Empire!

Two black dudes wearing pink t-shirts slowly walk down an abandoned part of Fist City. On their t-shirts, are large, purple triangles with a vagina in the middle. On the opposite side of the street are two other dudes, both white. The two guys are white and are both wearing helmets with a huge horn about three feet long, which for the sake of imagery looks a lot like a dick. The two pairs slowly cross each other, and then suddenly the black guy flashes what looks to be an inverted rock-on sign at them. The two guys with horn helmets suddenly stop and start yelling at the black guys.

Babraham (A white guy): Did you just fucking flash the Fairy Fingers at me, motherfucker?

Niggory (One of the black guys): Yeah bitch, I flashed the fairy fingers at you cracker!

Babraham: Stupid ass nigger, do you realize that you're on our turf now?

Niggory: Naw cracker, I'm on still on Fuchsia Maiden's turf. I flash the Fairy Fingers if I feel like it!

Babraham: Are you trying to start a fight you stupid nigger?

Niggory: Naw, but if I did, the Fuchsia Maiden would finally topple the Unicorn Empire.

Babraham: Very well, if you're going to be like that, Hamson, raise your horns in glory!

As the two pairs face each other, a lone figure jumps off a building behind Babraham and Hamson. It's a man, about six and a half feet tall and lanky as fucking hell. It's unknown if he's naturally that tall, because he's wearing enormous boots with sigils on the side of them. Other then that, he's wearing normal black pants and a long trenchcoat, his long black hair kept contained with a black bandana with the sigil on it again. On his right hand, instead of fingernails are GUITAR PICKS, which he taps together creating a menacing sound. He stares at the four and uses his other hand to put a cigarette in his mouth, Stone Cold Wife Ashtray unfiltered of course, and lights it.

“Where is Steve Perry?” He asks softly, only loud enough for the two Unicorns to hear.

Hamson: Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in Unicorn territory?

“Names are for epitaphs. Unfortunately, you'll all be buried in unmarked graves.” he says slowly. He scratches his chin with his right hand, and the two notice that each pick is incredibly blood stained.

Babraham: What a cocky freak! Unicorn Charge!!!!

Babraham runs at the figure, putting his head down and tries to ram the figure with his horn helmet. The unknown dude continues to stare at him smoking his cigarette. Suddenly, he takes a long drag, and his eyes roll into the back of his head.

“The sky is turning red /Return to power draws near / Fall into me, the skys crimson tears /Abolish the rules made of stone”

He whispers softly, and all you can see are the fucking whites of his eyes. Just as Babraham is about to impale him with his horn, the guy lets out a blood curling scream and punches right at the horn! Babraham suddenly stops, chokes a bit, and falls down. The bottom side of the horn protruding completely from the back of his neck. The guy's pupils return and he stares at the fallen body. He turns to Hamson and says again softly:

“Where is Steve Perry?”

Hamson starts to sweat nervously but assumes a battle stance. The two black Fuchsia start whooping and hollering and run across the street to the two.

Niggory: Shit niggas, we got ourselves a little action, boy, the Fuchsia maidens are going to have some dick cushions tonight!!!

The negroes bulging muscles rip open their effeminate pink shirts as they flex, and they both begin striking poses intending to intimidate the figure. The guy finishes his cigarette and stamps it out under his boot, moving as little as possible. The guy thinks to himself:

“A bunch of shitty groupies trying to whet their appetite for blood, eh? Perhaps it is time that I reveal myself and have them bring Steve Perry to me”

Without even so much as making a facial expression, the guy suddenly moves right in front of the black guy and brings his arm back. He punches his hand right into Niggory's chest and extends his pick-fingers right into his heart. Niggory screams, but suddenly he is immobile and begins to scream as blood shoots out of his mouth and chest. The other black guy tries to land a haymaker on the dude, but before he can land it the dude roundhouse kicks the other black guy in the face and he flies backwards onto the pavement. Hamson realizes he's outclassed and just fucking runs. The dude slowly begins to strum his pick fingers on Niggory's heart and once again his pupils roll into the back of his head and he brings his face up to Niggory's.

“Maybe you've heard of the man with the blood soaked picks on his fingers, the man who after him and his band were in a plane crash near New Plymouth Rawk, he was abducted and tortured by insane fucking citizens driven mad by the FTUW. There, they ripped off each of the fingernails on his right hand while he was defenseless. Do you like the razor sharp guitar picks I replaced my fingernails with? They've made killing much easier. Have you heard of this man, who born of fire, rock and roll?” he says quietly, but loud enough so that the other black guy can hear.

Niggory: “Yea-yeah...*cough*...you...you're...the son of...”

“That's right. But my father let rock and roll consume him, it killed him. Not like telling you makes any difference, because soon you will be dead. Have you heard of Heart Salad Surgery? It's a very interesting technique that I developed. By strumming your heart, I can speed up or slow down the flow of blood to the rest of your body. Do you understand?”

Niggory: I...do....cracka.... He coughs and starts groaning as he feels the fingers strumming slower and slower on his heart. Suddenly, his blood begins to spill out less and feels somewhat drowsy as less blood and oxygen is being pumped around his body

“Oh yes, it feels good, doesn't it? If I prevent enough oxygen from getting to your brain, you will die happily, spending your final moments hallucinating about the best moments of your life. Do you want to die like that?”

Niggory: I...do...*he starts panting, and he drops to a knee, feeling the fingerpicks slowly tickling his left-atrium*

“Before I grant you that kind of pleasure, you must do one thing for me. You must accept that rock and roll is supreme. Rock and Roll is the only way, are you a rock fan, little boy?”

Niggory: Naw...*pant* cracka, it's all about...rap....

“Renounce rap. Forget about it forever. If you want to die peacefully, you'll accept Rock and Roll as the true successor to this diseased world. What do you say, little boy?”

Niggory: I...fine...*pants*...Rock and Roll is the shit...cracka.....*pants*

“Excellent. The picks feel soft on your heart, don't they? The rhythmn that I'm playing is based off of the slow part of an old flamenco melody, about a song where a man loses his life trying to find the lady he loved who was kidnapped and raped. Slowly let it caress you into oblivion, little boy.”

Niggory's eyes slowly close and his breathing becomes very shallow. In his mind, he begins to see images of his youth, of happier times before the FTUWpocalypse. He actually was a well-to-do negro, studying hard in school and knowing that affirmative action in California would help him out even more and give him a chance of a good life and to get out of San Diego's ghetto. He remembers his first kiss, with a girl named Kishawna, how her large negroid lips felt on his. He remembers the first KFC opening in his area, and him being the first person to order a number three (Bucket of fried chicken) off of the menu. He remembers a happy time, until he began watching FTUW. That sport stirred a primordial urge within him, and he remembers going out and picking fights just to satisfy his bloodlust.

“There's one detail I forgot. The character in the song later found out who kidnapped and raped his wife. It was a black man.”

Niggory's eyes suddenly shoot open and he begins to groan and panick. SUDDENLY, THE MAN BEGINS TO SHRED WILDLY ON HIS HEART, FASTER AND FASTER HE SCRATCHES HIS ATRIUMS. ALL THE BLOOD IN HIS BODY BEGINS TO SHOOT AROUND SUDDENLY AND IT GIVES HIM MULTIPLE HEART ATTACKS AND EXPLODES HIS HEART. Niggory lets out a burble, and falls to the ground dead. The man smirks, and licks the blood off of his finger picks. He's about to get out another cigarette, when he hears the sound of horse hooves behind. Turning around, he sees a large man wearing spiky armor on top of a huge fucking black unicorn(!), and beside him is Hamson and three other Unicorn Empire goons.

“Steve Perry, I knew if I let out a little blood into the seas you'd come like a desperate shark.”

“Axelrod Waylyn. I'd never thought you'd finally come to end this charade.”

[Big Fagot]

Steve Perry ... Air????

[Vinny]

This guy is awesome.

[Magic Juan]

Steve Perry. Ex-singer songwriter for Journey, now turned Emperor of the Unicorn Empire of New Plymouth Rawk. Steve Perry was living in San Diego out of his mansion made of cocaine when the FTUWpocalypse hit. Having no real protection, Steve Perry quickly hired a mercenary army to protect him and paid them by cutting off bricks of cocaine from his house and used it to feed and fuel his army. The army was unstoppable due to their intense cocaine binges (which allowed them to fight all day and all night), and as a result quickly secured the Northern Area of San Diego. Steve Perry himself slowly became an insane coke fiend, and unfortunately him and his frenzied mercenaries snorted him out of house and home, and desperately craving more, they turned on Steve Perry. Right when the army was about cut out his sinuses so they could snort the coke residue out of them, a large herd of black unicorns suddenly appeared and stampeded most of the mob to death. Those who remained marveled at Steve Perry's sudden ability to control the animals, and watched in awe as Steve Perry had gay bestial sex with the largest male black Unicorn (Whose horns are notoriously larger then white unicorns). After fucking the mighty stallion, Steve Perry's muscles exploded and he was never seen again without sholder plates with spikes on them, and a huge unicorn skull helmet.

"Divine providence has granted me power overwhelming. I've heard whispers in Rolling Stone (which somehow had survived the FTUWpocalypse and continued reviewing the NEW ROCK AND ROLL FUCKING POST-ARMEGEDDON SCENE THAT HAD ARRIVED) that the Unicorns were sent as a gift from Rock and Roll Valhalla, anointing me as the chosen Rock God of this new world!" Steve Perry slowly says, his words slowly crescendo into a large scream and he jumps off the Unicorn he was mounted (heh heh) on.

"..." Axel responds.

"Did you think you were the chosen Rock God? To have your face on Mount Rockmore in Valhalla with the likes of Dio, Page, Van Halen and Blackmoore? You're just a fag with a dead dad." Steve Perry screams, pounding his chest and bending over when he speaks really homoerotically.

"..." Axel is silent.

"We were all so sad when we thought you had died in that plane crash. I was going to have you come replace the faggot in my band since I heard that you were the best guitarist in America." Steve Perry starts licking his fingers as if they were delicious little dicks for him to savor.

"..." Axel has a sore throat.

"Very well, I won't waste my time with you, seeing as you don't even have a guitar with you to play right now! Goons, after him!" Steve Perry yells and points.

Hamson and the three other goons charge at him, attempting to overwhelm Axel Waylyn with their superior numbers. Hamson and another goon attempt to throw debilitating punches into Axel's face. Axel spits his cigarette and it flies right into Hamson's eye, fucking burning a hole in his cornea and staying there. The other man's fist is right about to hit Axel's face when it just slowly stops and reaches a halt right in front of his nose. The third guy takes out a fucking sub-machine gun and readies to empty it right into Axel's belly from point-blank. He tries to pull the trigger, but nothing happens. All three of them look around, as time seems to have stopped. Suddenly, Axel isn't there and neither is Steve Perry. The goon with the submachine gun looks down, and his submachine gun is lying on the ground, with his hands still attached to them, a pool of blood forming at his feet. Hamson pulls his hand back from where Axel just was, but all of a sudden his vantage point changes and he's suddenly looking up at his own fucking body just standing there. The other goon/fag looks to see Hamson's head decapitated on the ground and the other guy fucking dismembered. Before he knows it, his fucking large intestine is spraying blood and bile over the ground like a fire hose, and he feels an excruciating amount of pain, which suddenly disappears. He looks around and notices that instead of the buildings that were there, huge fires are burning everywhere and brimstone is falling from the sky. Suddenly, a large red horned face comes out of the fire with a huge monstrous arm and beckons the three towards a gate made of black ash, "The City of Dis" on it. He thinks to himself, slowly feeling his flesh melt, "I must already be in hell..."

Steve Perry watches as Axel's clawed hand cuts off the sub-machine gun goon's hands and then in another quick strike decapitates Hamson. Axel spins around and stabs his pick-hand through the third goon's stomach and rips out his intestines, clawing them open onto the ground and spewing guts and shit everywhere. Axel then pushes his hand straight up into the goon's throat, INTO HIS FUCKING ESOPHAGUS, and into his mouth. Without speaking, he slowly moves the goon's mouth, TURNING HIM INTO A HUMAN VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY. The dead goon says, IN HIS OWN FUCKING VOICE,

"The guitar is my soul; however, my new instruments are the voices of the damned. Prepare for a few movements of unending torment."

[Big Fagot]

*riffs*

[Magic Juan]

Meanwhile, back in the laboratory from the beginning of the promo

"Jesus Christ, what the hell happened to Axel? He's an insane fucking murderer now." Anton (a fag) says over to the other guy sitting next to him.

Donald is the other guy besides the guy standing behind them in a tuxedo. Looking at the screen (Which is a view of an ultra-powerful satellite looking down at Earth, directly on New Plymouth Rawk) and gawking. The man in the tuxedo grins and puts his hands on Anton and Donald's shoulders.

"We've found our champion, if we can get him into Caligula's games and have him win, we can bring some order back to this desolate world" the man in the tuxedo waxes.

Anton and Donald watch in disbelief as Axel murders three goons. Anton begins to throw up on himself. Donald, looking extremely pale, turns to the man in the tuxedo and says, "This man is a monster. The League of Extraordinary Composers doesen't want some crazed maniac doing its work. He's clearly evil!"

The man in the tuxedo smiles, and looks at the screen.

"If there's any of the Axel I remember, I'm sure all that's changed is that he's simply embraced his father's side. He knows that in this shithole of a country that there isn't any such thing as good and evil anymore. Just those who are willing to murder for the common good." And with that the man in the tuxedo smirks again. All of a sudden, a huge blast of SOMETHING INVISIBLE knocks Anton and Donald out of their chairs and the man in the tuxedo is knocked onto the console. He slowly gets up, and heads over to the floating guy in the tank.


Where is the Rawk Stone?

The man in the tuxedo, hearing this ominous soul crushing voice in his head, goes over to the tank and types something into a keyboard.

The carnage that our champion will wreck into Caligula Lightning's games should be sufficient to attract the Rawk Stone to him. Although he doesen't know that he is our champion yet, I'm sure he will acquiesce, Master Bach.

The body in the tank presses its ghastly face up against the tank, psychically it says.

Time is ticking. We need to get the Rawk Stone to Handsomus, Phil Spector.

Over on the screen we see Axelrod slowly advance towards Steve Perry.

[Action Hank]

PHIL SPECTOR IS SO FUCKING EVIL!

[Magic Juan]

"Jesus Christ Axel, you're some kind of insane murderer. Sorry, fuck this, I have to go do some coke, my buzz is wearing down." Steve Perry exclaims, he raises his arms into the air....and all of a sudden his unicorn turns and around and starts galloping away.

Hmmm, he's going to get down with the reaper very soon Axel thinks, tapping his fingers together and creating a metallic, clanging sound.

There's no way I can catch him on foot, Shalafi never taught me the secret of instantaneous displacement that he said a man with a monkey tail taught him. Axel looks around, and sees a few girls coming out of a ramshackle building right next to him. They slowly adjust their skimpy skin tight clothing and one of them looks at Axel and slowly starts putting on lipstick.

"Heyyyyy tall dark and handsome, you looking for a little Saigon loving?" One of the ladies shouts at him, she then provocatively thrusts her hip out and the other ladies start to hoot and holler.

Axel walks over slowly, and takes out a cigarette.

"Got a light, lady?" He says hoarsely, extending the cigarette.

The lady smiles, reavealing a toothless mouth and a meth stained tongue.

"Ohhhh, for a nice looking boy like you, I got more then a little fire to light? You know?" She brings a lighter up to her and her long black and charred tongue starts to lick it.

Axel suddenly drops to one knee and grabs her leg, running his fingerpicks over it.

Hmmm, muscled and smooth. Being a fuck socket has turned this woman into the perfect chariot.

"What the fuck are you doing creep? Get off of me, I'm not some kind of cheap trick!" She yells, pushing Axel away from her.

In one quick move, Axel takes his pick hand and shoves it right through her tight spandex pants and into her vagina. The hooker screams and the other hookers faint. Quickly through his fingerpicking manipulation, the hooker still screaming drops onto all fours and Axel mounts her from behind so that he's completely on top of her and no part of him is on the ground.

"I want you to run on all fours. As fast as you can, there's a Unicorn down that street, and I want you to follow it."

Riding the hooker, Axel chases after Steve Perry.

[Magic Juan]

Steve Perry looks behind him as he rides the black unicorn, and after seeing nothing lets out a sigh of relief and bids the unicorn to slow down.

"God, Axel is the true heir to Cornelius Waylyn. I think he's far too unstable gone to be my new guitar player. What a pity, we could have taken over all of Neues Osterreich together" Steve Perry says, running his hands over the huge horn helmet on his head. The horse and its rider slowly trot down an abandoned section of New Plymouth Rawk, slowly heading towards the Unicorn Empire headquarters.

"Hmmm, just another mile before I get back to the headquarters. It was a good thing I was getting serviced by a few avid Journey fans or else Hamson would have never found me and Axel would have gotten the drop on me- what's that noise?!" Steve Perry says out loud to no one in particular.

Off in the distance, some sort of four legged creature can be seen running at ridiculous speeds. Steve Perry strains his gaze and watches for a few minutes, before he jerks his head back and a large exclamation point appears over his head. It's Axel, and he's riding a woman while she runs on all fours towards them.

I can't let us fight here, no one in the Unicorn Empire will be able to see me kill Axel if I manage to do so. He kicks his unicorn in the side and it slowly starts galloping faster.

Axel's pupils are rolled back into his head again, a cigarette aflame as he starts muttering something under his breath.

"I want it....I need it....I seed it....It turns me on....all right...hold tight....I'm a Highway Star!!!" As soon as he utters these words, suddenly the prostitute gets a huge burst of speed and begins to slowly catch up to Steve Perry as they race down the long disreputed street.

Fuck, he's gaining. I'll have to take a shortcut if I'm going to get to homebase quick enough Steve Perry thinks. He quickly jerks the reins of the unicorn and suddenly it turns, heading straight for a two story row of buildings on the side of the road. Axel is right behind Steve Perry, when all of a sudden he sees Steve Perry and the Unicorn go right into a building, causing the wall to explode and a huge plume of dust to shoot out. Axel squeezes the inside of the whore's vagina a bit harder and she runs after them.

"Take the high ground." He whispers into her ear. The prositute, mute either because of exhaustion or the fact that Axel can obviously control minds (duhhhhhhh) follows after Steve Perry, leaping onto falling rubble from the side of the building and using it as a debris staircase to run up onto the roof.

Steve Perry continues running through rows of buildings, passing through rooms that the poor citizens of New Plymouth Rawk who haven't joined any coalition of NPR live in. He passes through a bunch of adults sitting around passing a meth pipe around in one building. The unicorns hooves trampled two of the men to death, spraying the air with a blood mist. Steve Perry crashes through another wall, this time into another room where a man is sitting on a computer, while wailing guitars and a sorcerous voice coming out of the speakers.

"What the fuck do you want?" the man at the computer asks. "I'm scanlating Fist of the North Star, get the fuck out of here you Roah impersonator!" He says to Steve Perry on top of his mighty black unicorn.

"You stupid cocky idiot..." Steve says, and him and the unicorn trot right next to the man. Steve Perry is about to grab him and strangle him before AXELROD and the whore burst through a window and crash right into Steve Perry and the Unicorn. The whore's head goes straight into the torso of the Unicorn, effectively impaling it and the horse neighs like a banshee and drops to two legs flinging Steve Perry off into a wall. Axelrod removes his hand from the whore's vagina and unmounts his steed, slowly walking over to Steve Perry.

"Your tendons are out of tune. Let me tune them!" Axel says, clicking his fingers together. He puts his finished cigarette out on the floor and takes out another pack of Stone Cold Wife Shtray unfiltered, lighting another cigarette.

"Shit, you asshole, I have asthma! Stop smoking in my house!" The man says, getting out of his chair and appearing unphased by the interlopers.

Before Axel can answer him, Steve Perry's massive frame gets up after hitting the wall, and turns around and immediately clocks Axel in the face, breaking the cigarette in half and flinging him against the wall. Axel hits the wall and an entire shelf of actions figures fall to the ground, some breaking in half.

"Damnit you assholes, those took a long time to put together!" The man yells, stroking his beard angrily.

Steve Perry grins maniacally.

"Hmm, it seems like your little faggot might have burnt a bit of my hand. Hopefully I don't burn myself when I grind your bones together to burn the rest of your body, much like how your father died!" Perry screams.

Axel gets up, and suddenly disappears. He reappears close to Perry, his clawed hand out and aimed to cut Perry's face open.

Perry screams and starts flexing for no reason. Quickly, before Axel can hit him, he rips open a huge part of one of his gauntlets revealing a white substance. Snorting it quickly, his veins begin to bulge and his face becomes a grotesque mask of death underneath his helmet. Before Axel can reach him, Steve Perry spins around and roundhouse kicks Axel straight across the room, knocking into the wall next to the computer.

"I'd love to stay and fight, but I promise that you can have it anyway you want it if you follow me to the Unicorn Empire" Perry says. He quickly turns around and runs through the wall he came into, darting out of the building.

Axel slowly gets up, before his attention is turned to the music coming out of the man's computer, which seems to have survived unscathed.

"Is that-" Axel starts but the man interrupts him.

"Yeah, it is. Are you going to let him get away?" The man asks quietly.

Axel shrugs his head "no." He nods at the man and quickly runs off, following Steve Perry out of the whole in the side of the wall. He drops down outside the building, noticing that he's in the middle of a large field of unusually grassy terrain.

This must be the city limits. Axel wonders. He looks over and sure enough, black unicorns are grazing over the grassy fields and goons begin to file out of a wierd large mansion overlooking a deserted freeway. He looks over and all of a sudden sees Steve Perry being attended to by several goons. Steve Perry looks at Axel, smiles and points in the sky.

Fuck. Axel thinks. What the fuck is that huge spinning disk? He lights another cigarette as Steve Perry slowly approaches.

"See that Axel? That's the motherfucking wheel in the sky that keeps on turning. Except I know where you'll be tommorow, you'll be in hell you stupid fucker!!!!"

[Vinny]

That was an intensely awesome promo.

[Magic Juan]

Axel looks at Steve Perry, then looks at the giant wheel in the sky, and then looks back at Steve Perry.

"Ha...hahahah....hahahahah!" Axel laughs, nearly doubling over in hysterics. "A giant...wheel in the sky....? Your grey matter is white with coke." Axel says, and slows his laugh.

Steve Perry points his finger into the sky. Suddenly, the huge wheel begins to turn and a huge glowing orb on the side of it shoots a fucking laser beam right at Axel. Axel, realizing he's about to be obliterated by the laser beam fucking dives out of the way, the beam knicking the end of his trenchcoat. Axel looks back and sees not that it's burnt to a crisp, but that it's turned completely...shiny?

Axel looks around, and to his horror realizes that the field he's in isn't surrounded by Unicorn Empire goons, but are statues that instead of being made of stone are made completely of disco ball mirrors.

"You monster...you've gone disco!" Axel cries out.

"There will be a new wave, and it will be of blood into this world. I'll spare you if you agree to join me Axel, and together we will elevate rock to a new level of godhood! Valhalla itself will open its gates and on the backs of Unicorns will ride in. Join me, or be consumed by the disco inferno, Axel." Steve Perry cries, and spreads his arms out.

"Here's my answer." Axel takes his cigarette out, and with deadly accuracy throws it into Steve Perry's unicorn skull helmet. Steve Perry lets out a scream and points at the wheel in the sky. Huge rays begin to shoot out at Axel and he barely dodges each one of them. Steve Perry runs at him and Axel dives towards Steve, only having to stop himself at the last minute and makes an awkward roll into a nearby patch of grass as a ray of disco barely misses him. Suddenly he looks behind him, and all he sees is Steve Perry's fucking fist as it slams into his face and sends him flying. Axel gets up, and quickly rolls backwards as another beam of disco fucking barely misses him, turning the grass a silver platinum. Steve Perry charges at Axel intent on impaling Axel on his horn, but just as he reaches Axel grabs the Unicorn horn on the helmet and uses the momentum flip Steve Perry in an arch upwards completely flinging Steve Perry over him and through the air. Axel stops to catch his breath but suddenly sees the orb on the giant wheel start to glow and he quickly jumps to the side as another giant ray of disco barely misses him.

Just as Axel stops to catch his breath, he notices that he's being circled. By unicorns. All the black unicorns in Perry's stable begin galloping around him in a ring.

"..."

[Action Hank]

FUCK DISCO!!! THAT BASTARD!

[Magic Juan]

Unfortunately, the rest of the Steve Perry fight will have to wait until the next PPV happens.

This happened in MOSH PIT CITY, which is a part of New Plymouth Rawk that exists in a state of a perpetual MOSH PIT.

Axel lies bleeding on the ground next to 100 dead bodies. Slowly, he extinguishes a cigarette as he tries to staunch the blood coming out of him as he's more battered then Morgan when she dated Trevor. He's lying against a wall in the middle of an old school auditorium that's been changed into a place to hold rock shows. There are huge anarchy signs and PENTAGRAMS EVERYWHERE. A man wearing a tuxedo walks up to Axel.

"Hello Axel, I've been watching you for some time." the man says.

"..."

"I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Phil Spector." He extends a hand to help Axel get up. Axel ignores it and continues to patch himself up.

The man frowns and looks at him. "Maybe you wouldn't be so quiet if I mentioned the Rawk Stone, would you?" He stands motionless.

"The Rawk Stone... " Axel starts to drool on himself a bit and puts his head back against the wall, closing his eyes.

"You're the most powerful man in New Plymouth Rawk right now, do you know that? But it's all meaningless unless you get the Rawk Stone. Of course you know that." He turns away and stares off into the distance. 1000 assholes in the streets mosh against one another in eternal torment.

"The lost souls of Mosh Pit City do this dance of death all day and will continue to do so for all time. They believe that the rock Gods abandoned us and believe that punishing each other in the pit forever will bring them back."

"What the fuck do you want Spector? Are you saying that the Rawk Stone isn't here?" Axel says, finally lighting another cigarette and taking a huge drag. Some of the cuts on his arms just fucking bleed more and Axel delights in seeing some of his shit turn completely red.

"A man named Caligula has the Rawk Stone. To the best of my knowledge, anyways." Spector says, slowly walking across the edge of the huge hole in the side of the old auditorium.

"You'd tell me that willingly? I may be just another puppet of fate, but I'd never fucking work for Jews like you, Spector." Axel says, twisting his head at an odd angle and sticking his tongue out. He begins to lick the blood from his finger picks.

"Axel, I just need you to kill. I need you to snuff out everything living. I want to feel the Earth be depopulated. What destruction lies in your wake will be rebuilt by the League of Extraordinary Jews, and there's nothing else that I'd want. I'm not asking you to work for me, but surely you understand the importance of the Rawk Stone..." Spector says. He takes out a pocket watch and looks at the time. "Caligula's games start in a day. If you're so arrogant and think your undefeatable, then perhaps you should go and fight some of the World's Strongest (Trademark Akira Toriyama) and see what a real killer is made of. After all, wasn't it you that said that there's no good or evil in the world anymore, just the strong and the weak?"

"I don't remember that." Axel responds, taking enormous drags of his cigarette and savoring the smoke in his mouth. He exhales. "I was addicted to heroin for a long time, I don't remember a lot of things..."

---------------------------------------------------------------

“W-W-What the fuck ARE YOUUUUUU?!” a mohawked goon screams, sweat fucking spraying from his pores. His attention is focused on a shadowy man slowly approaching him. As the moonlight shines on the figure, the man is revealed: a lanky creature covered in a trenchcoat with a black bandana wrapped around his head. He fingers carry a lit cigarette, each of the tips donned with a guitar pick. But it isn’t his outfit that the goon is shocked over. It’s the corpse he carries with him, the body torn open and his large intestine exposed. The intestine rises up from the wound and goes behind his neck before it returns to the body, serving as a strap for the dead goon. This man is Axelrod Waylyn, and he’s strumming the dead hanging from his neck like it was a guitar.

“This one isn’t giving off a good sound …” he mutters. The goon entourage is INFURIATED by his NONCHALANT REMARKS, and charges forward, clutching AXES AND SHIT.

”YOU FUCKERRRR!” THE GOONS SHOUT. Axelrod drops the eviscerated goon from his body and looks eye to eye with his ATTACKERS. He merely slides one from to the other, avoiding their blows until he’s behind them. AXELROD raises his GUITAR-PICKED FINGERS to REVEAL NERVES TIED TIGHTLY TO EACH, the goons in the background writhing in agony.

“How about if I pluck this one,” he says. Moving his finger, a goon SCREAMS IN HORROR. “That’s the sound I was looking for,” Axelrod smiles.

LANDING FROM OUT OF NOWHERE, A FUCKING TEN FOOT TALL GOON drops to the ground with a GIANT, BLOODY CHEESE GRATER IN EACH HAND, the faces of his VICTIMS CLINGING TO THE STEEL. He licks his lips before RUSHING TOWARDS AXELROD.

“LET’S PARTAAAAY!” HE SHOUTS, SLAMMING THE CHEESE GRATERS ON TOP OF AXELROD. But Axelrod isn’t there! He is instantly behind him, SMOKING A CIGARETTE while looking DISINTERESTED. Suddenly, the GOON SPLITS IN HALF, SPEWING BLOOD ALL OVER THE GODDAMNED PLACE.

As Axelrod begins to leave the scene, a golden glint catches his eye. Reaching down into the guts of the goon, he pulls a golden object from the body. Looking it over, his eyes widen in realization and his lips curl into a smile.