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Triple Life > the uLtRa KeWl forum > Look at how i weasel out the details. |
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Utils  Official TL Slut (8/5/01 1:45 am) |
Look at how i weasel out the details. SansJason: I want to have sex. Utils2581: not with me i hope SansJason: Teach me how. Utils2581: ? SansJason: HOW DO I GET GIRLS TO FUCK ME? Utils2581: You put you hands here and you bend you legs... SansJason: HOW DO I GET THEM TO WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME? Utils2581: You thrust your pelvis, *UNGH!* Utils2581: You thrust your pelvis, *UNGH!* Utils2581: how old are you? SansJason: Fifteen in a few weeks. Utils2581: come back in two years SansJason: NO. SansJason: EVERYONE'S HAVING SEX BUT ME. Utils2581: Hey shut up, you're making me feel bad for you Utils2581: first of all, have you ever bought a condom? SansJason: No. Utils2581: you need to Utils2581: have you ever bought porn? SansJason: Bought? No. SansJason: But I get it free on the internet. Utils2581: NO! SansJason: And I masturbate six to ten times a day. Utils2581: How well do you deal with shame? Utils2581: stupid, this isn't why i asked Utils2581: six times a day is horrible SansJason: I feel no shame. Utils2581: once a week, only jerk off once a week SansJason: WHAT?! Utils2581: work that into once in a while Utils2581: then work that into once in a blue moon SansJason: I haven't gone more than four days in the past seven years. Utils2581: guys are not supposed to masturbate somuch Utils2581: you lose essence SansJason: BUT I AM HORNY AS FUCK. Utils2581: unless you fuck a virgin afterwards it's a total waste of time Utils2581: then apply then energy to lifting weights Utils2581: that's what i did SansJason: That does not lead to ejaculation. Utils2581: you need to get a fuck friend SansJason: I'd give anything for a fuck friend. Utils2581: lifting weights will leave you too speant to jerk off Utils2581: you have ANY friends? Utils2581: and about the porn and condoms Utils2581: you need to bear the shame of buying condoms Utils2581: 15 and you haven't bought porn yet? Utils2581: I'm amazed SansJason: Why would I buy porn? SansJason: I get everything I need online. SansJason: And why would buying condoms lead to shame? I'd be very proud. Utils2581: shame, pride, buy a condom tomorrow then get back to me SansJason: I HAVE NO USE FOR IT. Utils2581: condoms should be thrown out a month after you bought them Utils2581: YOU NEVER KNOW! Utils2581: AT LEAST PRACTICE PUTTING IT ON! SansJason: Take a picture of your penis. SansJason: I want to see how much jelqing works. Utils2581: before i saw my first womanly boob i tried on a condom, be prepared Utils2581: I'm going to ignore that SansJason: PLEASE. Utils2581: besides, there are testimonials at that site Utils2581: it WORKS SansJason: But they want me to do crazy shit with broomsticks. Utils2581: and also, the webcams i try always suck so i return them to staples Utils2581: broomsticks? Utils2581: um...no SansJason: I don't understand. Tell me, step by step, how you jelq. Utils2581: no, read the thread Utils2581: listen Utils2581: be yourself Utils2581: it's corny but true SansJason: It's all so vague. Utils2581: you think you're the only one to be horny at that age? Utils2581: Christ, sign up for a sport at your school. SansJason: BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO IS HORNY AND NOT GETTING ANY. Utils2581: masturbation is fine, but understand that it's a big waste of potential energy Utils2581: no you aren't Utils2581: i don't know Utils2581: you wanna be fucking some little 15-year old? SansJason: HELL YES. Utils2581: the pussy hasn't matured yet SansJason: TIGHT. Utils2581: you don't even know what your talking about SansJason: Sure I do. Utils2581: tight is when YOUR DICK is big SansJason: Oh, Utils, why was I born so ugly and white? Utils2581: and girls don't like it humongous cock anyway Utils2581: they THINK they do Utils2581: but they don't Utils2581: it's like tits Utils2581: i only did the jelq for myself, it gave me a lot of self-confidence SansJason: BUT I'M SMALL. Utils2581: you know, if you jelqed your self-confidence would sky rocket Utils2581: women cum more when you use your mouth Utils2581: at least the few that i've been with SansJason: I WANT TO EAT PUSSY SO MUCH. Utils2581: they enjoy it more, that or I'm bad at intercourse ;D Utils2581: THAT feeling never goes away Utils2581: promise me you won't start slipping roofies or buying whores SansJason: I want to rub my face in it. Utils2581: don't put thoughts into my head SansJason: I want to use it as a pillow. Utils2581: You think you want to eat pussy now, wait till you've actually had some. You'll want it worse Utils2581: like drugs, i guess Utils2581: but anyway, do you have any girl friends SansJason: I wish. SansJason: Do you know SparkMatch? Utils2581: no SansJason: The site that has The Gay Test and The Slut Test, they have a Match Test. It's a dating service that doesn't take itself seriously. Utils2581: and.... SansJason: I met someone there but she had to cancel before we had one date. Utils2581: the same age? SansJason: I've had one girlfriend, one date in my life. And the farthest I've ever gone is holding her in the movies. SansJason: Yes. Utils2581: i don't do the meet "IRL" thing Utils2581: can't help you there SansJason wants to directly connect. SansJason is now directly connected. SansJason: Last night I met a girl who gave me this picture: SansJason: SansJason: She said, although I'm not THAT bad looking, I'm not her type. So she won't come over, get drunk and high (she likes to) and fuck me. SansJason: She also has a girlfriend. If we hooked up, I bet I could've gotten a threesome. Utils2581: threesomes have 50/50 chance of being good or crappy SansJason: SansJason: Utils2581: they almost always suck SansJason: My first time could've been with that. Utils2581: no one knows what to do Utils2581: put your cherry for sale on e-bay Utils2581: ha Utils2581: hello? SansJason: No one would buy it. Utils2581: someone else did it Utils2581: it was bought SansJason: They were probably hot. SansJason: And provided airfare. Utils2581: no, they buyer had to fly their own ass Utils2581: DO YOU HAVE ANY GIRL FRIENDS? Utils2581: jesus, answer me SansJason: NO. SansJason: NOT A ONE. Utils2581: aquantances? Utils2581: you have to make start making them Utils2581: girls make better friends anyway Utils2581: 4 life Utils2581: ok, you have guy friends SansJason: No one likes me. Utils2581: ? SansJason: Yes. Utils2581: maybe you should turn gay Utils2581: have gay sex Utils2581: problemsolved SansJason: I'm bi. Utils2581: ......... SansJason: BUT I LIKE WOMEN MORE. Utils2581: dammit, i was kidding Utils2581: i wanted to see if you were desperate Utils2581: well, are your guy friends gay as well? SansJason: No. Utils2581: http://forum.onecenter.com/yetanother/1008.shtml SansJason: I hate gay porn. Utils2581: then WHAT makes you bi? SansJason: I enjoy sucking the penis and having something up my ass. Utils2581: you put things up your ass? Utils2581: there's no way you've sucked dick Utils2581: because if you did you'de chicken out and realize you're not gay Utils2581: well listen Utils2581: you have to be more proactive Utils2581: the girls won't magically fall into your lap Utils2581: but you have to court them Utils2581: but don't be a phoney SansJason: I've sucked dick. Utils2581: be real Utils2581: I'm talking here SansJason: I did. And I enjoyed it. Utils2581: spend less time on the comp Utils2581: SHUT UP! SansJason: I REALLY DID. Utils2581: you have to... Utils2581: forget it Utils2581: So... Utils2581: Who's dick? Utils2581: Because i don't believe you SansJason: Believe it or not, it was a kid named Ashton. Utils2581: Was he younger or older than you? SansJason: Same age, I think. SansJason: I didn't know him that well. Utils2581: See, you're making it up. Utils2581: Where were you and what time was it? SansJason: He came over late October of this (or last) year. He was there to play Majora's Mask, I had just got it. Because his parents are always around, he took this oppurtunity to look at porn on my computer to look at porn. We both got horny and I talked him into it. SansJason: He had done it before. Utils2581: majora's mask? Utils2581: that game is boring Utils2581: gay porn? SansJason: No, straight hentai. SansJason: It was one amateur (real) site that made us give in. Utils2581: amateurs are fake SansJason: Oh well. Utils2581: so what did you say? Utils2581: WAIT!!!!!!!!! Utils2581: you sucked HIS dick? Utils2581: haha, loser. SansJason: YES. SansJason: And he-mine. Utils2581: oh, see Utils2581: you're getting some Utils2581: keep it up SansJason: It was that one time. Never happened again. SansJason: I WANT A WOMAN. Utils2581: you'll make a fine pedophile. Utils2581: pester him Utils2581: steal his toys for blowjob ransom SansJason: I will never see him again. Utils2581: poor baby Utils2581: I mean him SansJason: SIGH... Utils2581: haha, pedophelia humor Utils2581: Dude, did he cum in your mouth? SansJason: No. Utils2581: you-his? SansJason: No. Utils2581: You're both losers SansJason: Yes. Utils2581: At least he didn't cum in yours. That would be pretty disgusting. Utils2581: This is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Utils2581: I can't even imagine how you convinced this guy to let you suck his dick Utils2581: not only that but you got him to suck yours afterwards Utils2581: was he willing or did you molest him? SansJason: Willing. Utils2581: i mean Utils2581: ok, one guy sucking another guys dick, fine Utils2581: but you BOTH did it Utils2581: WTF? Utils2581: could you even look at each other afterwards? SansJason: No. SansJason: But I'm fine with it now. Utils2581: haha, did you play videogames after that? Utils2581: that's just wrong SansJason: I just went into a mild panic after I realized that I just had my first oral sex experience with... ugh... him. Utils2581: You should go to gay clubs, they like little boys SansJason: He was ugly and not special at all. Utils2581: funny Utils2581: that's the word you're looking for Utils2581: well, to be honest, it doesn't make you gay Utils2581: girls experiment like that Utils2581: and girls aren't gay like ace kendo wishes they all are Utils2581: you need to take it easy Utils2581: start talking to girls, build those social skills SansJason: I WANT SEX WITH A WOMAN SO BADLY. Utils2581: you won't die Utils2581: sex is sex SansJason: SEX IS THE ULTIMATE GOODNESS. Utils2581: you do it and then it's done Utils2581: no Utils2581: eating pussy is Utils2581: no, just kidding Utils2581: sex is not the only thing there is to experience SansJason: YES IT IS. Utils2581: sky diving, i want to try sky diving Utils2581: youngblood, you have yet to live! Utils2581: sex should not be your goal in life! Utils2581: and you had a taste of it anyway (no pun intended) Utils2581: i'm not downplaying it SansJason: SEX IS LIFE. Utils2581: but seriously, sex is only magical if you work on it Utils2581: like porn movies, man, people in porn movies can't fuck for shit Utils2581: not even the dramtic ones Utils2581: I believe that true sex has yet to be recorded Utils2581: that's no jive Utils2581: i have to go SansJason: Bye. Utils2581: don't worry so much
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prosthetic forehead Slut or just enjoys sex? You decide. (8/5/01 9:05 pm) |
Luscious lips Dear, must you get the same advise from everyone? And yet you still ignore! Maybe you should listen to the masses.
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Utils Official TL Slut (8/6/01 12:09 am) |
Re: Luscious lips what advice? he bothers you people too?
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StupidMike Spanky Monkey Party OF 1 (8/6/01 2:13 am) 
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Re: Luscious lips Lifting weights leaves you too spent to masturbate? Bah! I used to play soccer and basketball a few hours a day each, and I'd still have the time AND ENERGY to masturbate at least once or twice a day! Edited by: StupidMike at: 8/6/01 3:09:59 am |
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Utils Official TL Slut (8/6/01 5:24 am) |
Re: Luscious lips If you do LOW-IMPACT excercise, sure. Actually you're right. It doesn't make you less horny but at least you're putting the energy to good use. And it takes your mind off the penis for a while. you, Mike, haven't self-control.
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MADali Not Arab, IRANESE (8/6/01 11:58 pm) 
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Re: Luscious lips There is nothing wrong with masturbating |
My Head Hurts 90  Do these pants make me look fat? (8/7/01 12:30 am) 
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Re: Luscious lips "SansJason: And I masturbate six to ten times a day." Is that even humanly possible? It's like a blowjob for your mind!! |
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Weirdness I am sex. For the men. (8/7/01 10:09 pm) 
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Re: Luscious lips Why is that filthy nigger posting that conversation everywhere? |
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The Cadger More sex than a bottle of sex (8/7/01 11:28 pm) |
Re: Luscious lips the kid said he was fifteen....who doesn't masterbate excessively at fifteen.. What the fuck else is he going to do? He should start up a good mellow pot habbit.  But it doesn't sound to me like the poor guy can do anything mellow. Too bad....Besides the fact that most of his friends are lying. they aren't having sex either. Hehehe.... |
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My Head Hurts 90 Do these pants make me look fat? (8/8/01 12:02 am) |
Drugs Pot is too expensive, he should start on something cheaper, like alcohol. Edited by: My Head Hurts 90 at: 8/8/01 12:08:17 am |
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Weirdness I am sex. For the men. (8/8/01 7:54 am)
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Re: Drugs There is an unlocked liquor cabinet ten feet from me and my dad's stash of pot a few rooms from me. If I had any friends I'd throw a party. Also, I reiterate that Utils is a gay, filthy nigger. Edited by: Weirdness at: 8/8/01 7:56:03 am |
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The Cadger More sex than a bottle of sex (8/8/01 11:58 am) |
Re: Drugs My pot habbit is very cheap. Cheaper than my alcohol habbit. Which has nothing to do with my nun habbit.... HA!!!! That was fucking funny!!!!! ahem.... |
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prosthetic forehead Slut or just enjoys sex? You decide. (8/8/01 12:36 pm) |
GOD GIRL!!! You crack me up! Of course isn't that why you are in my life? My personal comedian?!
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Triple Life H-N-I-C (8/8/01 2:53 pm) 
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Re: GOD GIRL!!! I guess that joke went completely over my head. |
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Utils Official TL Slut (8/14/01 2:35 am) |
Re: GOD GIRL!!! At least this fag gets more pussy than you do. Ooooh, I know that had to hurt.
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