Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Roy]

This thread we had a while back made me realize that I possess tremendous power, and should use it in some way. So I got a job in data entry. Right now I make about $30 an hour, and can go even higher if I increase my speed. You guys should look into doing the same thing, if you're like me and have no education or skills other than typing really fast.

I didn't even know a job like this existed except by lucky chance. I encode items for the banks. All I do is sit at a machine with a big stack of cheques (that's checks to you yanks!), type in the amount, and drop it into the machine. That's it. The amount of pay you get is directly tied to how fast you go. To see how much money you could potentially make, go here:

http://www.mrkent.com/tenkeytest/

Set it to digits only, 6 characters, one minute, line chart. The minimum score to work there is 200 with 95%+ accuracy, if you can do that, you'd make the minimum of $15 an hour. To make as much money as me, you'd need to score about 300 (at first I was making $15 an hour, it took me a couple months to get my mechanics down). In my workplace, they even have this big scoreboard that shows how fast you are compared to everyone else. I've been working there for about 7 months now, and I'm currently ranked #28 out of 118 people. The #1 ranked person makes $55 an hour and probably scores over 400 on that that test. It's a girl too. It's humiliating for a girl to be faster than me but it's true! I haven't been able to get close enough to study her technique yet. I really don't think I can become #1 unless I start using the Hurricane Technique, but I'm too afraid! If you make too many errors, you lose money! I've always been the fastest typer I've known, but now I've suddenly stepped into The Land of Demons from Fist of the North Star. I feel like I can't keep up with the new generation. They've been using computers their entire lives, not like us, who got to use them half an hour per day in computer class to play Oregon Trail, then maybe got our own computer in junior high. I also noticed this when I went to a Starcraft 2 tournament, and I was one of the oldest people there. For these guys ... typing's as easy as breathing!

Despite my high hourly pay, I'm not actually an incredibly rich king, because I only do the job for 3 hours a night. Apparently, you can't work more than that or else your wrist will explode.

[Theldorrin]

Are you actually paid hourly or by the number that you do?

I'm surprised you get paid so much. I knew about such jobs existing (I think there are also opportunities for doing legal shit, like transcripts or something), but I didn't realize they paid so well.

Or is it because you're in Alberta and everything in Alberta is high paying?
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[Roy]

There's a flat hourly wage of $15 no matter what, and the extra money you get is called "production pay". That is determined by the items per hour I did recorded by the machine. My score tends to be around 3,100 (not related to the test on that website I posted, this is the machine's own thing), and according to the tier list, that gives an extra $16 x the number of hours I was logged into the machine, so $31 an hour total.

I've heard about those court reporter jobs too, I also looked into closed captioning for TV, but that shit always required a degree! I'd probably be bad at court reporting or live closed captioning anyway, because my short term memory is shit.

[ALDP]

Yeah, stenographers have to go to classes I think.

[Seru]

You haven't been using a computer your entire life? Noob.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

Wait, wasn't Roy a firefighter or a paramedic or something?

Why are you typing bullshit for idiots instead of saving lives and shit?

[ALDP]

Roy has told stories about being the biggest scaredy cat imaginable as a child (not even a young child), so if he's ever made a living running into burning buildings, I'm impressed.

[Theldorrin]

I think fire fighters mostly just sit around in the fire house and pose for calendars.

Fires are much less common than they were in the past because of improved technology and whatnot.
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[ALDP]

I'll have you know that the firefighters in my town respond to at least three false alarms in rez on a given day.

[Roy]

I did briefly work as a firefighter, only on the auxiliary brigade though. Before I had a chance to get on full time, I developed tendonitis in my elbows, and by the time I was healthy again several years later, all my certification expired, and I never got back into it.

[ALDP]

Did you get to destroy doors with an axe, in the field or in the course of becoming certified?

[Seru]

Did you have to watch Backdraft as part of your training? Or I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry? Those guys fought fires AND their own inlaid homophobia! To hilarious results!

[Roy]

I did destroy doors with an axe in firefighting academy! I also learned that, in the event where you're forced to choose between saving a little kid or saving another firefighter, you save the firefighter. The theory goes that the kid is less likely to survive after suffering smoke inhalation, than a man wearing a sealed mask (even if his oxygen tank runs out, he's still protected from the smoke). That, and what they call The Three A's prioritization: Your ass, your partner's ass, and then the asshole who called you.

I watched Backdraft as a kid, and, here comes another story about me being a scaredy cat ... the scene where they examine the charred corpses was nearly too much for me, and I finally left the room in horror after one of the bodies started hissing (it was gas escaping!). But didn't I tell you? Now that I'm an adult, gore doesn't scare me any more, only ghosts! A decade later, I watched it again, and the only thing that scarred me for life was the unacceptable level of realism. Going into a burning building without an SCBA, really Kurt Russell?

But this job is cool too. The chances of being blown up are low, and the pursuit of the high score stokes my competitive spirit!

[Seru]

Kurt Russell doesn't have to play by your rules. Also, that whole three A's thing is pretty offensive. The ASSHOLE who called you? Fuck you, firefighters. I'll fight the fire myself before I go begging for help from such judgmental jagoffs.

[Roy]

It's only a joke! You know how American soldiers take pictures of themselves with Afghan villagers, while having them hold up a sign that reads, "I fuck goats"? Insulting the people you're supposed to help is hilarious apparently.

[Roy]

The #1 ranked encoder at my new job is some introverted looking Chinese girl. I found out some disturbing information:

My company has 6 sites across the country. She is not only the fastest encoder at my site, but the fastest encoder in the entire country. She is the only person who actually reaches the maximum pay tier. Her speed is over 5,000 items per hour. The #2 ranked person in the department? 4,000. She is fucking 1,000 items faster than the next best person!

Even if I developed the Hurricane Technique to its maximum potential, it still wouldn't be enough to catch her. YOU SEE, the job requires more than just raw typing speed. You also need hand eye coordination to pick up the item, read the amount, and drop it into the machine as efficiently as possible. A normal person's brain needs a fraction of a second to read and comprehend the amount before typing it. But she never pauses, ever. My only explanation is that she has ESP. She seems to start typing the amount of the next item before she even reads it! The machine can encode 2 items at a time, and I can achieve this feat only on rare occasions, when I'm on a roll, and have a bunch of easy $100.00 items in a row. She constantly has 2 items in the machine all the time. In other words, SHE ENCODES ITEMS AS FAST AS IS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE.

To summarize: She is faster than what the machine is capable of, has a higher score than the company's top pay tier, is 20% faster than the #2 ranked person, and has been doing all this for several years now. This is like someone winning the home run title every year, and doing so by hitting 15 more than the next best person. So, more dominant than Barry Bonds' steroid fueled 2001, where he set the all time record for most home runs in a season. $55 an hour isn't even enough for that display of skill.

[Fagzilla]

Roy's life is literally a manga.

[Magic Juan]

It's clear that someone is giving her all the $100.00 amounts.

[Theldorrin]

Oh, I guess that makes more sense than my idea that she was more than one person.
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[Theldorrin]

I guess it's also possible that she hacked the device.
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