Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Theldorrin]

Darklands is a historical fantasy medieval roleplaying game based on the myths and beliefs of the 15th century. What does that mean? It means that while it takes place in scrupulously depicted Holy Roman Empire, it also features such things as witches, satanists, dragons, robber knights, and the dreaded wild hunt.

Unlike conventional fantasy roleplaying games, this game's magic involves the invocation of saints, and the construction of alchemical potions.

Feel free to offer suggestions for general course of behaviour and so on.
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[Theldorrin]

An important role in the party is that of the party leader. He generally acts as the spokesman, charming anything from archbishops to old hermits in the woods.


Gregor Tetzel comes from a merchant family.




His background allowed him to grow into a charming and personable individual, who isn't all too lacking physically. Unfortunately he doesn't have a lot going on upstairs, so hopefully one of the other characters will be better off in that regard.

He spent 5 years as a local trader where he further developed his abilities to read and write, and his common speech (some sort of Germanic dialect, I imagine) and his Latin. After another 5 years as a traveling merchant, he's ready to begin his adventuring at the age of 25.



If you look at the completed character, you can see his abilities on the top left (Endurance, Strength, Agility, Perception, Intelligence, Charisma) and his skills all along the right (the first group are weapons, and then the classy skills, and the more seedy skills). Skills range from 0 to 99, so you can see he's not exactly adept at anything, yet.




Gregor's features are highly Aryan, which somehow means that he has blond hair and a fashionable blue/grey tunic instead of looking like he's from India. He also has a rose crest, because he's either a tiny bit gay or thinks he's a Knight of Solamnia.


For the other three characters, it'd be nice to have some that's very strong, and another person that's religious. There aren't any other specific requirements for the last one (I have never found alchemy to be tremendously useful), so it can be pretty much anything. Refer to the screenshots above to see family backgrounds and general occupations (there are way more than that, of course). Also, women are perfectly acceptable too.
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[ALDP]

Can you change his name? You should change his name to FTU Buddies

[ALDP]

You should make a strong black lesbian wizard.

[Theldorrin]

It needs to be historically accurate to maintain the immersion, ALDP!
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[ALDP]

I certainly hope you're not suggesting that history lacks strong black lesbian wizards.

[Theldorrin]

Our next character is Michael of Gumpenberg.



A rural commoner from the backwoods of Austria, Michael was blessed with a keen intellect, and his days as a youth working the fields gave him tremendous strength. Unfortunately, this resulted in him being uncouth, and he has a reputation for farting inappropriately and uncontrollably.

Seeking to better the world, at the tender age of 15 he entered the military as a recruit, before eventually leaving the military on his 30th birthday to join this merry band of adventurers in their quest for fame.




Years of overeating have resulted in Michael's ample girth being too great for normal clothing, so he wears a resplendent green robe and black belt. His crest is that of a heart, as he yearns for affection that will unfortunately never find him.
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[Theldorrin]

Here is the lovely Uta Heindrick, who would have slain many hearts if not for the fact that she's a crazy religious fundamentalist.




Hailing from a noble family of Bohemia, there were originally designs for Uta to marry into the house of Reginar. Unfortunately, the Lord had other wishes for her, and called her into service shortly before her 15th birthday.

Devoting herself utterly to God, Uta spent the next 10 years ascending the ranks of the nunnery, before she experienced a vision from St. Thomas Aquainas, that told her seek out a bumpkin called Michael of Gumpenberg, and that the Lord Jesus Christ wished for her to work with him to fight against the forces of Lucifer himself.



Giving up her traditional nun's habit, Uta is draped in a very plain black dress that tries to conceal the natural curves of her body.
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[Theldorrin]

The last party member is Matthias of Bogen.



Matthias grew up in a family of urban commoners. Being an only child, his parents doted on him endlessly, and this resulted in him being a spoiled child who had no concept of honour. As a youth, he spent his early days as a vagabond, wandering the empire and getting into trouble, before eventually being bailed out by his folks. And in later days, he turned to even seedier pursuits, like thieving and swindling.

How he arrived with Uta and the rest, no one but Matthias knows, and good luck getting anything out of him beyond wild tales of rubies and fierce debate about the competence of Charlemagne and other famed generals.



Matthias is tall and thin, and wears an outfit that appears to be pink. That crest isn't actually his, but he instead stole it from a stoic he met in one of his journeys.
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[Theldorrin]

Although we were born on different days, we hope to die in the same hour of the same day of the same year. On our very souls, we pledge this will be true.


Our story begins in Brandenburg, and after swearing an oath of loyalty to each other, the party debates amongst itself on what should be the next course of action.



Michael, seeking to make himself stronger still, suggests a trip to the market, and that they earn some odds and ends while trying to expand their abilities further.



Michael, while intelligent, is unfortunately completely ignorant of the realities of economics, and doesn't realize that a group of commoners and a woman who entered into a vow of poverty don't have much wealth between them. And certainly not enough to deck themselves out in better gear.

His suggestion of working in order to earn odd change is similarly stupid, as he seems completely unaware of the fact that manual labour tends not to pay nearly as well as tutoring.



Barely masking her contempt at Michael's ignorance, Uta makes her own suggestion. Apparently years of celibacy have made her bloodthirsty, and she wants to go murdering people in the street as a vigilante.



Finally Matthias chimes in, demonstrating that he has not paid the slightest bit of attention to anything anyone else has said, while he suggests what is essentially Michael's plan, except made worse by the prospect of selling their decent goods for less than they're worth in order to pay for marked up shop prices.
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[Action Hank]

They're doomed.

[Magic Juan]

The font in this game is atrocious.

[Theldorrin]

Our game resumes in the tavern in Brandenburg.

After considering for a while, the party decides to at least try out the local merchants, in the hopes of being able to afford a bow of some sort.

Unfortunately, it was as I surmised previously, and everything was way too expensive for the party.



On the plus side, the merchant, perhaps recognizing the party's plight, offers a princely sum of 20 florins in exchange for the head of a the robber knight Walter Hoffman, whose castle lies east of Berlin and Brandenburg.

Hoffman's evil is great however, and it's unlikely that the party could pose a threat to him and his forces, so they head out of the city in the hopes of encountering some bandits so that they can afford some bows, and maybe some armour for Uta.

Heading in a northeasterly direction, Uta missteps and lands herself in some quicksand, and only through the pure dumb luck does she manage to escape with her life. Things are looking grim for the party.



As fortune has it, they come upon a hermit living in the woods. Fortune smiles on them, as Michael's digestive problems prove silent this evening, and Gregor's charm is enough to beguile the hermit.

Uta, sensing an opportunity, decides to witness to him about Jesus, and the two engage in a prolonged conversation that puts the rest of the party to sleep.



Uta comes out of the encounter learning about St. Stephen, Patron of Hungary. With St. Thomas Aquinas, this makes her aware of two whole saints, which is very telling of her upbringing.
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[Theldorrin]

Michael's keen senses detect wolf poop on the ground. Sensing that there's no time to lose, Michael let's loose a wild battlecry and the entire party is forced into battle with a pack of wolves!



The battle quickly goes poorly, and Matthias is knock unconscious. Gregor and Uta follow soon after, leaving only Michael to valiantly struggle against the four wolves remaining, until even he is knocked down.



Fortune smiles on the party, however, as the wolves devour Gregor's meaty Aryan corpse, which gives the rest the opportunity to escape. Such good fortune!

Now it's off to Furstenberg to recruit a new leader!
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[Theldorrin]

It's good that that happened, because I gave Gregor too high a perception skill, thinking it was personality.
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[Theldorrin]

Attributing their past failures to the inexperience of their previous leader, the group searches out someone with more experience, and an elderly gentleman by the name of Christoph expresses interest in joining their band.

Uta is immediately suspicious, as this manorial lord seems to have no money or equipment, and the fact that Michael and Matthias think so highly of him is also a strike against him. She recognizes, however, that a woman should not hold dominion over a man, and simply holds her tongue as Michael and Matthias welcome him with open arms.



Christoph is also very fashionable in his burgundy/orange combination tunic.
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[Theldorrin]

The party explores the city some more with Christoph, and have a run in with a band of bandits. Fortunately, organized groups of humans are much less dangerous than ravenous wolves, and the party makes short work of them, and gathers a nice collection of shoddy equipment that they quickly don.



Leaving the city, the party has its first encounter with a fantastic creature, encountering and slaying a lone giant spider. Realizing that Matthias and Uta are extremely weak from the two battles, the group returns to the city in order to heal their wounds at the inn.

At the gate, Christoph shows his dazzling wit as he charms the gate keepers, allowing the group to enter the city without paying the fee. Uta is pleased, because she plans to covertly donate all of their money to the church the next time Matthias is distracted by a ruby.

After many days of rest, the group is in fighting form once again, and leaves the city. Showing their prowess in battle once again by ambushing another group of bandits, they encounter something far more formidable.



Ack! The party's most dangerous foe! A bunch of wolves!

The party focuses their attention on the more dangerous wolves as the witch ineffectually tosses potions at them. After they cut them all down, they beat up the witch, until she's begging for her life. As Uta begins converting her to the ways of the Lord, the rest of the party begins making a grand feast of the wolf corpses, in honour of the memory of Gregor Tetzel.
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[Theldorrin]

It just occurred to me that I don't think Hungary is even in this game.

Damn you, St. Stephen.
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[Ryoko's Biatch]

St. Stephen conned you.

[Theldorrin]

Wandering in the woods on the way to the foul robber knight's castle leads to an ominous event.



If the wild hunt does come upon the party, Uta knows of no saint that could spare them. And it's unlikely that the Lord of the Hunt would satisfy himself by simply eating Michael, regardless of how burly a man he is.

The trip to Walter's castle is full of danger, and the party kills a large number of bandits on the way, before finally coming across the knight's castle and challenging him to single combat. Like a coward, he refuses twice, while sending out his goons.

On the third try, much like Zhuge Liang when petitioned by Liu Bei, he comes out personally.

The battle is swift and brutal, because apparently he was alone in there with a single grunt.



The party now rich, returns to Berlin to buy goods before trekking back to Brandeburg to claim the 20 florin purse offered by the merchant.

Uta manages to entice some monks into teaching her about two new saints, and the party polishes off their new gear, with Michael and Christoph wielding giant two-handed swords, and Uta and Matthias arming themselves with military hammers. Now we just need to find somewhere that makes composite bows, so we can replace our low grade shortbows.



Doubtlessly hearing of Matthias' reputation, a fugger banking official enlists the party for a new quest of somewhat questionable legality.

Heading to Xanten, the party once again hears the eerie sounds of the Wild Hunt. But this time the hounds are after someone else. Acting quickly, the party tries to help this poor fool by messing up the trail and having Michael use his flatulence to disrupt their scent.

Alas, it is of no use.



For some reason the hell hounds fail to put up as much of a fight as a pack of wolves, and they're quickly defeated.

Looking at the man that was rescued, the party notices that it's no man at all! It's a schrat! He offers up a bit of glowing fruit and Michael, being the biggest fruit in the party, stuffs it into his mouth.



Michael is magically endowed with even greater strength than before (now 46). You'd think that these schrats would grow whole orchards of this magic fruit, but I guess that's expecting too much from a bunch of Clothos.
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