Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

Fagzilla · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 12:57 am)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHKEUcxXjh0

This was heart-stopping. Seriously, you watch this and literally gasp for air. I had to stop it every 30 seconds or so either for my sake or for Lexy's, and we didn't even get halfway through it. We just weren't strong enough.

Also, this:
http://www.jonallencomedy.com/

Saturday, 9/6/2008 01:19 AM
................................

THIS JUST IN!!!!
3250 Views

Waffels are DELISCIOUS!!!

Fagzilla · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 12:58 am)

Jon Allen is very good at impressions, and he was good in The Great Jon's movies, and he's better looking than I ever pictured him being, but holy fuck.

Fagzilla · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 1:01 am)

Life is a nightmare.

Jason · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 1:36 am)

I am posting only to indicate that I have seen Jon Allen's website before.

Can't wait to watch this video, though!!!
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Fagzilla · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 1:43 am)

Oh my god, YOU.

You are going to hate the shit out of this.

Fagzilla · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 1:49 am)

I've been annoyed at Lexy because I keep having to explain to her who Jon Allen is.

Let's see her fucking forget now.

Captain PUNisher · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 1:54 am)

"This is funny only because you look like Seth Macfarlane fucked Jason Schwartzman and crapped out something gay and unfunny. Impressions are garbage. You're a hack. Kill yourself."

Ha, he does look like Seth Macfarlane.
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Said the Captain PUNisher.

Jason · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 1:59 am)

One time Dane Cook ate into Goku's second dub voice actor's stage time at a comedy club.

This would have been the greatest celebrity feud in history, if Peter Kelamis knew how to harness his ki.
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Fagzilla · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 2:23 am)

I'm no expert on stand-up comedy, but (and this is putting aside the admittedly difficult problem of actually being funny) I wonder if the part of the brain that classifies certain things that one might say or do as not funny (and then rejects them on that basis) is at all functional in Jon Allen's brain.

Like, the part of the brain that would cause the thought "oh, that joke isn't funny. It's actually really bad. Embarrasingly bad. I'm not going to tell that joke in my stand-up routine. I'm going to rewrite that joke, or think of a different, better joke. I'd rather not do a joke at all than do that joke. Because it's bad, and not funny."

Is that a thing that exists, in his brain?

We all have our awful moments every now and then where on the spur of some misguided, over-caffeinated moment we just fuck up and something horrible happens and we look at it the next day and want to throw up (boy lemme tell ya!), but aren't stand-up acts the final product of months of careful writing, honing, and practice?

And that, presumably, is what this represents, in Jon Allen's case?

And that, furthermore, this isn't just something he tried once and that he is now sheepishly embarrassed about and wishes would disappear, but instead, did, watched, and felt good enough about to proudly link to on his website (a website on which he actually sells his services as a legitimate comedian, as a person whom one can pay money to in exchange for being funny)?

Jason · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 2:59 am)

OK, I'm almost two minutes in.

His Family Guy impressions are really subpar, especially considering that he chose that segment as his opener. Peter sets the bar low and then the rest of the characters just... repeat bits from the show itself? Shouldn't the point of impressions be to subvert the audience's idea of what the people being mimicked would actually say? Honestly, Jon Allen had a handle on this a decade ago when he did those DBZ WAVs. What happened?

Additionally, maybe it's me, but his Stewie sounds more like Derren Brown doing Stewie than Seth MacFarlane doing Stewie. Maybe all amateur Stewie impressions sound like that and I just know Derren Brown's the best.

That "I got him!" was so blatantly ripped from Conan O'Brien's repertoire that I'm surprised Jon didn't actually do a Conan O'Brien impression when he said it. Well, physically, he did. Maybe he was doing one vocally too, but it was so bad I didn't notice.

I bet Jon Allen will find these posts and put them on his website.
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Jason · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:01 am)

It's remarkable that FTU, which is a relatively funny place, has produced two hopeful stand-ups and they happened to be among the most unfunny of its roster.

What's next? Jason doing stand-up?
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Jason · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:02 am)

Where's Gallagher when you need him!
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Jason · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:04 am)

Providing that link hurt my post, but I felt it was necessary to make absolutely sure that people didn't think I was saying "Jon Allen is so unfunny I'd rather watch Gallagher smash watermelons!"

Although that is true.
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Fagzilla · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:11 am)

Jason · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:15 am)

It's Utils.

You tried stand-up, HUH?
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Jason · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:16 am)

Was that before or after you fingered your sister and wrote an entire online encyclopedia about children's novelty rubber bands?
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Fagzilla · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:16 am)

Oh.

No, I didn't do stand-up, and I can't imagine ever doing it or wanting to do it, but I thought maybe you were doing, like, a thing there.

Jason · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:25 am)

Fuck, that was the most paper-thin excuse for and self-distancing from a racist joke I've ever seen. "Someone else laughs when I say this, guys." It wasn't even a joke, either! It was just saying in a funny voice what racism entails!

I feel like Jon Allen's constant giggling during his set works in his favor, because breaking like that can act as a means of saying "This is so stupid, I'm playfully embarrassed to have told that joke to you, my audience." However, when you do that after every joke, it becomes a bit tired. Also, before and during every joke.

I honestly, seriously feel like, if I made this post and my others only slightly more vitriolic, Jon Allen would actually print them out and read them aloud as part of his next act.
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Jason · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:27 am)

It took me until now to realize that the sign behind him says "The Comedy Palace."

Yeah, man, he's from the palace.
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Fagzilla · (Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:28 am)

This is certainly a day of discoveries!