Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

Jason · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:40 am)

VS.

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Last edited by God on Fri Apr 05, 33 4:00 am; edited 1 time in total

Spamdini · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:47 am)

John Goodman: YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ELEMENT, PYRAMID HEAD!

Servbot · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:50 am)

Pyramid Head

Seru · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 12:08 pm)

Goodman.

RPtotheMax · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 12:21 pm)

Goodman

Ryoko's Biatch · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 1:04 pm)

John Goodman

Vinny · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 1:21 pm)

I'm going to have to think about this one for awhile.
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Mike Dunn · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 2:02 pm)

I don't feel like writing any stories today, but if I wrote one for this one the battle would be fought in the burning hallway from Barton Fink, because that's the closest that John Goodman's movies have ever come to Silent Hill.

Anyway, Pyramid Head

Action Hank · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 3:56 pm)

John Goodman

Captain PUNisher · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 4:18 pm)

John Goodman
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Said the Captain PUNisher.

L Ron Butterfly · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 4:20 pm)

John Goodman allegedly goes to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings at some coffee shop in New Orleans.

Mautty · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 6:50 pm)

goodman

Vinny · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 7:18 pm)

I was going to write a story for this but Mike Dunn had the exact same idea I had.
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Vinny · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 8:03 pm)

Oh well, fuck it.

John Goodman is enjoying his coffee on a foggy morning in a Midwestern diner. His meaty hands bring the cup to his lips, the coffee tasting stale on his lips. He opens his eyes to notice that the diner is empty and he is alone.

GOODMAN rises up slowly from his seat at the counter, disturbed by the faint sound of clanking machinery. The clashing of iron and steel sounds like primitive music created by a creature inhuman.

GOODMAN walks behind the counter, moving instinctively to the slow kachoong kachoong that shudders him like some great heartbeat. He moves closer to the kitchen, peering past the door frame into the oily darkness. Sweat runs down Goodman's forehead and into his eyes. He strains to breathe in wet air. Around him the diner seems to be deteriorating, the wallpapers becoming wet, porous.

A lightbulb hanging from an unfixed wire cuts through the blackness, grainily illuminating something horrid. A twisted figure of suffering kneels on the floor. Goodman's lips part and his tongue darts out lightly, his pulse quickening.

Kachoong kachoong. The sound bores into Goodman's skull, overwhelming his senses. The jaundiced skin of the figure undulates as it begins to turn towards Goodman. Its misplaced ribs tent its flesh. A pained groan escapes its tortured body.

GOODMAN CHOKES as the creature rises up and faces him. Its torso is twisted, and protruding from its chest are three faces, warped but familiar. The faces moan as the figure shambles forward. Goodman realizes they are of his children: Becky, Darlene, and DJ.

GOODMAN kicks the monstrosity and BOLTS BACKWARDS in TERROR. The figure collapses, moaning and shuffling, as Goodman crashes over the counter. The diner has transformed, the windows replaced with rusted metal. He rushes to the only door available, crashing into a dingy bathroom. Goodman collapses into a stall and begins vomiting. The mechnanic rhythms penetrate him completely, silencing all thoughts.

The sound of METAL dragging drags Goodman back. His head rises up from the toilet, his body paralyzed as the screeching of the metal grows. Framed by the stall, the RED PYRAMID lurches by, dragging his great butcher knife. GOODMAN is frozen in place as Pyramid Head moves by, uninterested in him or perhaps searching for something else.

Goodman moves from the stall slowly, looking for the creature clad in a rotting butcher smock and wearing a great, fleshy pyramid. GOODMAN sees him wildly thrashing his hips into another creature. He violently FUCKS a otherworldy thing comprised of the two lower halves of female bodies. The four legs kick hopelessly as PYRAMID HEAD PUMPS AWAY in the corner. The great Red Pyramid SPINS AROUND, PROUDLY BANGING THE POOR CREATURE, SHOWING HIS PRIZE TO GOODMAN, TAUNTING HIM.

In the middle of the two torsos, from FLESH spilling from the monster's two CUNTS is his sister-in-law, JACKIE.

GOODMAN'S FACE CONTORTS IN TERROR AND RAGE AND SUFFERING, HIS GIANT HANDS CLAMPING DOWN ON HIS HEAD AS A LOUD SCREECHING TEARS APART HIS PSYCHE.

GOODMAN WHIPS HIS FUCKING DICK OUT AND SHOVES IT IN THE UNOCCUPIED TWAT AND STARTS POUNDING AWAY.

"LOOK UPON ME!" GOODMAN HOWLS, "I'LL SHOW YOU THE LIFE OF THE MIND!"

PYRAMID HEAD AND JOHN GOODMAN GANGBANGING THE MONSTER, THEN THEY FUCKING HIGH-FIVE.

ABHORRED CREATURES RISE UP AS THE BATHROOM SHIFTS. THE WALLS BECOME BLACK, BROWN, AND CAKED WITH DRY BLOOD. Growing from the MEAT are TUMOR-LIKE CREATURES, pulsating in TUNE to Goodman and Head's thrusting. ONE OF THE STALL DOORS OPENS SLOWLY to reveal a tormented caricature of the ASS TO ASS GUY grinning through the barbed wire fed through his LIPS.

GOODMAN'S MIND IS GONE. HIS HEAD TILTS BACK IN THE SAVAGE PLEASURE as the WORLD FALLS AWAY FROM HIM. A GRUNT PASSES HIS LIPS AS HE CLIMAXES, AND HE WHIPS OUT HIS 9MM AND BEGINS FIRING WILDLY INTO PYRAMID HEAD'S FUCKING FACE.

HEAD JERKS with EACH SHOT, stumbling off the figure, HIS DEMON DICK sliding out of the SLIMY SLIT, spewing blood and a black poison. GOODMAN tosses away the EMPTY PISTOL and TRAMPLES the figure, his GIANT BOOT crushing it and spewing its malformed guts on the floor.

GOODMAN mounts Pyramid Head and slams his titanic fists into his fleshy head. GOODMAN trashes, spraying dark blood on his face with each, successive punch. He takes his MITTS and digs them deep into the RED PYRAMID's head, tearing through the muscle, digging into it with his fingernails as he grins wildly.

Goodman smiles, admiring his work. He pulls his mangled hands, nails broken off inside Pyramid Head's brain. He rises up from the mess and pushes through the bathroom door.

KACHOONG KACHOONG KACHOONG. He is completely lost now in his own tortured psyche, this Hell reserved for him and him alone. The diner is gone, in its place a blood-filled room of infinite darkness. He sloshes through the death and comes upon a tower built of mangled bodies. Perched above him is two more Pyramid Heads, wielding spears. Strung up by her ankles, ROSEANNE hangs nude, battered and bruised.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAN!" ROSEANNE SHRIEKS. THE TWO PYRAMID HEADS SLAM THEIR SPEARS INTO HER DISTENDED GUT, TEARING OPEN THE FLESH AND SPILLING FORTH HER VISCERA AND SICK. GOODMAN IS CRYING NOW, yet the twisted grin on his face remains. HIS MOUTH OPENS WIDE AND HE SWALLOWS THE BLOOD AND THE GUTS, HIS GULLET CHOKING DOWN THE TORRENT OF VIOLENCE.

FADE TO BLACK.
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My Head Hurts 90 · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 8:15 pm)

Holy shit.

Vinny · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 8:22 pm)

Oh, I guess I vote Goodman, although the story makes it seem like PYRAMID HEAD won.
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Rice · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 8:23 pm)

Jesus Christ, Vinny. John Goodman.

Big Fagot · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 8:43 pm)

John Goodman

LexysaurusRex · (Sat Jan 17, 2009 10:24 pm)

John Goodman

SuperPsaturn · (Sun Jan 18, 2009 12:58 am)

John Goodman!!!! Best fucking thing ever written!