Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Vinny]

Violence 1: A New Burning Heart is Born!
Violence 2: Bunzo the Genius?!
Violence 3: Born in the U.S.A.
Violence 4: Fun!
Violence 5: The Hand that Carries Justice!

[Big Fagot]

Didn't Bunzo die?

[Vinny]

You should wait for me to post the first promo!

But I should probably update that character sheet.

[Mautty]

Vinny is cheating.

[Vinny]

How!

[Vinny]

20XX. Somewhere, deep in the heart of Neo America.

Whoooooooooooo. Light cracks through the roof of a dilapidated cathedral. Stinging winds carry dust that encroaches on the sparse vegetation surrounding the cathedral. Vines crawl up beige stone and through shattered windows, weeds and flowers bursting up through the floorboards inside. At the front of the church, past wrecked pews, stands a familiar man clad all in white. His jacket is tattered, covered in dirt and dried blood. His once gleaming trinkets, fastened to his clothing, are worn. One heavily-scarred fist remains clenched, hung slightly above his hip, the knuckles covered in fresh blood.

On the altar lies another man, his features obscured by shadow. The man clad in white, Kanzaki Kenjiro, grimaces at his sight. Blackness hides his eyes.

So it’s finally over. Kenjiro slowly opens his hand and raises it up to eye level.

This is what it’s come to. The result of my training, my thirst for strength ...

Kenjiro studies his palm. Covering the lines of his palm are numerous faded wounds.

This was all to seek that one thing … knowing struggle.

He closes his fist again.

And now that I’ve found it, there’s nothing left. These fists have brought me a meaningless existence. These fated hands that awakened that day. That day ...

VIOLENCE 1: A New Burning Heart is Born!

2005. Junction Star High in Junction Star, Tokyo, Japan. A high school that houses Japan’s elite! Many of the best and brightest of students are taught at Junction Star High, earning the name of “Tokyo’s #1!”

“Kyaaah! He’s so cuuute!” a school girl hops up and down, shouting.

“I heard he’s half-Japanese. Ooh, look at how tall he is!” another adds.

Rounding the corner is a young man, an unimpressed look spread across his handsome face. He is clad in his white school uniform, loving adorned with golden hearts and male symbols. Emerging from his head is a powerful pompadour. He gracefully walks the hallways, one hand in his pocket while the other carries his books.

“I heard he just transferred from Nagoya,” another school girl comments, holding a hand over her mouth as she speaks for some reason.

As the new student approaches, his gait stalls slightly as he turns to the girls. Instantly, he poses slightly, revealing a near-blinding smile. The girls instantly explode into near-orgasmic squeals.

“What’s his name?” one of the girls ask.

HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT: KANZAKI KENJIRO

As he disappears into the crowd of students rushing to classes, another girl watches with baited breath. A more important girl, a better drawn girl …

-----

RI~ING!

It’s gym class now. Kenjiro blows out a puff of air from his nose as he and four other students stand on one side of the gym, all wearing jerseys. His mouth hangs open as he shifts weight from one heel to the other, barely able to stay awake.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Emerging from the gym’s entrance is a hulking giant of a man, much larger than your average Japanese. He ducks his head under the awning and emerges, scratching the stubble protruding from his chin. His brown hair is disheveled, his eyebrows are powerful and manly. He’s wearing what looks like white swimming trunks, sandals, and a pink Hawaiian shirt. Clenched in one fist is a wooden sword and hanging from one of his lips is a cigarette.

HIGH SCHOOL GYM TEACHER: KAIBARA HARUO

“OYYYY! Listen up class,” he shouts in a gravelly tone. “It’s time for some basketball!

Soon the game is underway. The teams of five race from one side of the court to the other, Kenjiro seemingly struggling to keep up.

“Do your best, Kenjiro-kuuun!” one of the gaggle of school girls sitting in the stands shouts.

Kanzaki Kenjiro tries to guard but the other player easily drifts past him. Kenjiro blows a puff of air into his pompadour in response. The gym teacher narrows his eyes at Kenjiro.

“Here, Kenjiro! Take it!” one of his teammates shouts, passing the ball to Kenjiro. Kenjiro hears his name and turns to the sound only to get a basketball SLAMMED INTO HIS FACE.

PING! The ball bounces off Kenjiro’s face. He stands there, looking confused, as the cluster of school girls look mortified.

“YOU IDIOT, AKIRA!” a school girl screams, “Don’t throw it so hard!”

“You hurt Kenjiro’s beautiful face!” another follows.

Tseh …, Kaibara Haruo sighs, This one … so uncool …

The basketball breaks loose from the other team and bounces towards Kenjiro. His teammates begin frantically shouting as Kenjiro sees the ball rolling towards him.

“GO! KENJIROOO!” a teammate shouts.

Grabbing the ball, he looks up at the hoop.

“Get it in the basket!”

Kenjiro looks at the students rushing towards him. Bending his knees, HE SUDDENLY SPRINGS INTO THE AIR. THE SOLES OF HIS SHOE BRUSHES PAST THE NUMEROUS BOWL CUTS AND SPIKEY HEADS OF ORANGE HAIR. BRINGING THE BALL DOWN FROM OVER HIS HEAD, HE SLAM DUNKS THE MOTHERFUCKER!

DUUUUUUUUUNK! The room is silent as Kenjiro sways back and forth off the rim. A few seconds pass and the backboard suddenly explodes, showering the players in glass.

A-Amazing, Kaibara thinks, his jaw dropping and his cigarette falling to the floor, This one might have some promise after all …

“Kenjiro!” a girl shouts, “You put it in your team’s basket!”

“I did … ?” he responds, holding a finger to his lip.

HIGH UP IN THE BLEACHERS where the glow of hanging fluorescent lights can’t reach sits a gang of SURLY STUDENTS, their lips jutting out as they display some HORRENDOUS SNEERS. Their uniforms are disrespectfully unbuttoned and the shirts underneath are garishly colored, like PINK and LIME GREEN. Even in a school as prestigious as Junction Star High exists the ever-present underbelly of Japan’s academic system: THE DELIQUENT.

“That little bitch, thinks he’s so cool …” one of the delinquents, a blonde pompadoured asshole with numerous lip rings, snorts.

“The ladies love him. That punk ...” a bulky, bald delinquent mutters as he slams a fist into his hand repeatedly.

“Geh heh heh …” an afro’ed and sunglasses-wearing goon cackles, “Maybe someone should teach him a lesson, riiight?

And further in the darkness is another man, his black and blonde hair slicked back. His eyes glow through the shadows with a certain ferocity.

“Those kinds of bastards …” he leans forward into the light, “… piss me off the most!!”

HIGH SCHOOL DELIQUENT BOSS: ARAKAKI BUNZO

But this isn’t the Arakaki Bunzo we’re familiar with. He seems taller, more powerful. His uniform strains against his toned physique. Even his demeanor is more serious, more threatening …

-----

Big Ben chimes and the students leave Junction Star High for cram schools as the sun begins to set. Kenjiro walks past the gates, his hands in his pockets and a satchel hanging from his shoulder. He doesn’t even watch where he’s walking, his eyes closed, which eventually causes him to bump face first into a giant.

“Ah!” Kenjiro gasps as he falls on his ass. Looking up, he sees a thing wearing the Junction Star High uniform, but he’s too large to be any student. No, this man is over seven feet tall, the uniform shredded at the shoulders and barely staying on his bulging body. His chin is massive and a huge mohawk sits on his scarred head. Other delinquents from Bunzo’s gang stand behind him, grinning with malicious intent.

“Oy! What were you’re going, you shit!” the giant speaks.

HIGH SCHOOL DELIQUENT: HARA “THE HAMMER” NORIYOSHI

“S-Sorry,” Kenjiro bows slightly and grabs his satchel quickly. As he passes the goon, a giant paw drops onto his shoulder.

“YA CALL THAT A BOWWWW?” HARA GRUNTS. Hara lifts him easily by the back of his uniform and drags KENJIRO FACE TO FACE. “I don’t know where you came from, but here at Junction Star High I’M YOUR SENIOR, so SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT.”

Hara HURLS HIM into the GROUND, Kenjiro’s skull smacking against the pavement. The delinquents begin to HOWL IN LAUGHTER as blood leaks from Kanzaki Kenjiro’s forehead.

“S-Sorry,” Kenjiro pushes himself up before A BOOT DROPS ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD, DRIVING HIM BACK INTO THE PAVEMENT.

“THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” HARA SHOUTS, DIGGING HIS HEEL INTO KENJIRO’S NECK “LEARN SOME MANNERS!” With a kick to the ribs, Kenjiro is sent ROLLING across the street. Hara adjusts his uniform and the gang seizes on Kenjiro, beating the ever-loving shit out of him.

What am I going to do? Kenjiro thinks to himself as a foot drives into his ribs.

I can’t defend myself. I’ve never fought once in my life …. A fist slams under his jaw, clacking his teeth together.

I have to stop this. I have to at least try … An elbow drives into chest. Kenjiro balls his right hand up into a fist.

I have to …

BOOOOOOM! A DELINQUENT’S ROUND, JET-BLACK GLASSES EXPLODE AS THE IMPRINT OF A FIST IS LEFT IN HIS FACE. THE GOON FUCKING FLIES THROUGH THE AIR, PAST HARA WHO HAS TO LEAN OUT OF THE WAY TO AVOID GETTING HIT. The entire ENSEMBLE OF THUGS TURN TO KENJIRO who is STRUGGLING TO STAND, his bloody head HANGING DOWN as he HOLDS HIS FIST AT CHEST LEVEL.

“STUPID BASTAAARRRLGHHHH!” THE NEXT DELIQUENT SCREAMS AS AN ELBOW DRIVES INTO HIS ADAM’S APPLE, EXPLODING IT.

This feels …

Kenjiro evades a STRAIGHT EASILY, the FIST ONLY HITTING DROPLETS OF BLOOD THAT LEAKED FROM KENJIRO’S HEAD, before RETALIATING with a ROUNDHOUSE KICK. The KICK drives through the GOON’S TEETH and SENDS HIM SPINNING THROUGH THE AIR REPEATEDLY BEFORE HE LANDS ON HIS FACE.

This feels …

A SPINNING ELBOW misses KENJIRO and Kenjiro FIGHTS BACK by STOMPING THE HOLY SHIT out of the DELIQUENT’S FOOT, SHATTERING IT. From that position, HE SWINGS LEG SIDEWAYS INTO THE GOON’S KNEE, BREAKING IT.

This feels … good!!

The last goon falls and all that’s left is Hara the Hammer and Kenjiro.

“W-Who … who the hell are you?!” Hara shouts.

Kenjiro looks over his fist, the knuckles covered in blood, with wonderment.

“This is the first time I’ve made a fist in anger,” Kenjiro mutters coldly, “It was the first time I threw a punch, even … but now I understand.”

Hara the Hammer shits his pants.

“This body of mine … IT WAS MADE TO FIGHT!!”

KENJIRO STEPS IN HARD, DUST SHOOTING OFF THE BACK OF HIS HEEL AS HE BRINGS UP FROM HIS SIDE. HARA’S EYES WIDEN AS KENJIRO’S HAND DRIVES ITSELF INTO HIS GUT UNTIL IT’S NO LONGER VISIBLE.

“KCK … KCK …” HARA UTTERS. THEN THE BACK OF HIS UNIFORM SWELLS UP UNTIL IT FUCKING EXPLODES, LEAVING A GIANT HOLE IN THE BACK. THE ENERGY FROM KENJIRO’S FIST TRAVELING THROUGH HARA’S BODY AND BALOONED UP UNDER HIS UNIFORM UNTIL IT BURST. BLOOD STARTS TO SEEP FROM THE CORNERS OF HARA’S MOUTH AND HE COLLAPSES INTO A BROKEN HEAP.

“Fighting …” Kenjiro raises his HAND TRIUMPHANTLY TO THE SKY, “That is my destiny!”

NEXT ISSUE: Kenjiro discovers the thrill of battle! But what about Bunzo …? Showdown at Junction Star High!

[Vinny]

I probably pissed off some people that may have started to like Kenjiro with my new promos, but oh well!

[Big Fagot]

I thought it was pretty great.

[Vinny]

A few blocks outside of Junction Star High, at Junction Star Arcade.

“BOSS!” White uniformed goons rush through the double doors and immediately drop to their knees. In the corner, playing a fighting game, is Arakaki Bunzo. Shadows cover his eyes as his on-screen avatar executes a 70-hit combo with ease. As a bunch of explosions cover the screen, Bunzo’s opponent stands up from the machine, dejected, and sulks away. Bunzo puts a cigarette in his mouth and three of his goons instantly offer up their lighters.

“Ehhh? What is it now?” Bunzo asks, taking a drag off his cigarette.

“The men we sent …” the red afro’d, aviator sunglasses-wearing lackey stammers out.

“They were defeated!” the blonde, pierced goon finishes.

“So that Kenjiro has friends, huh?” Bunzo continues playing his game, the furious inputs of commands clicking up a storm.

“But that’s the thing, boss …” the chunky delinquent bites his bottom lip.

The clicking of controls ceases.

“He beat all of them by himself!”

FWOOOOOM! “YOU LOSE!” a tinny videogame announcer blares from the machine. Instantly, BUNZO LEANS BACK and PLACES HIS FEET ON THE MACHINE, KICKING IT FORWARD INTO HIS OPPONENT ON THE OTHER SIDE. The machine PRESSES THE MEEK JAPANESE STUDENT AGAINST THE WALL, PINNING HIM THERE. Bunzo RISES UP FROM HIS STOOL and SAUNTERS OVER THERE.

“HEY SHITHEAD, COULDN’T YOU TELL WE WERE HAVING A CONVERSATION?!” BUNZO SHOUTS, SPIT FLYING, “WHAT KIND OF ETIQUETTE IS THAT?!”

”S-SORRY! S-SORRY!” the BESPECTACLED STUDENT CRIES, A JOYSTICK JAMMING ITSELF INTO HIS EYE. Bunzo SNEERS even HARDER and pulls the lit cigarette from his lip and presses against the student’s head. Tossing it away, he SLICKS BACK HIS HAIR and shoves his hands back into his pockets. As he leaves the arcade, his gang immediately rises from their feet and follows close behind.

“This isn’t a problem,” Bunzo closes his eyes and whips out another cigarette with his goons immediately brandishing their lights. “So Kenjiro is strong? Pft! Pure brawn isn’t the only way to win a battle, you know …”

“Y-You have a plan, boss?” the blonde lackey asks. Bunzo stops his stride and begins tapping his temple with a finger.

“I was once known as BUNZO THE GENIUS, after all!”

VIOLENCE 2: Bunzo the Genius?!

The next morning at Junction Star High.

Aaaaaaaah! Kenjiro brings a forearm to his mouth to stifle his yawn. Rubbing his eyes with his wrist, Kenjiro spots a female class mate kneeling down and picking up her books off the floor. Kenjiro gazes at her for a moment and little bubbles of light seem to float behind her, indicating that she’s beautiful.

“You look like you’re having some trouble,” Kenjiro gives a warm smile and squats down to help her.

“Ah, no, it’s OK, Ken-“ she stammers but stops herself before she forwardly uses Kenjiro’s first name! “This guy just bumped into me and-“

“People seem to be in such a rush around this school, it’s kind of a pain,” Kenjiro hands the last book to her, “My name’s Kanzaki Kenjiro. And you are?”

HIGH SCHOOL LOVE INTEREST: ASUHARA REIKO

“A-Asuhara Reiko … pleased to meet you,” she blushes. “M-My locker is here, thank you.”

A mere twenty feet away at the end of the hall is ARAKAKI BUNZO. He leans against the corner, his body draped in shadow, as he watches the two talk. A sinister smile unfolds on his ugly mug.

“Popular with the girls, eh Kenjirooo?” Bunzo mutters, “I bet they like that pretty face of yours. But you won’t have those good looks for much longer …”

Click click click. Reiko turns the knob on her locker as Kenjiro stands behind her in an absent-minded daze. Click click. Reiko turns the knob to the left as Kenjiro lazily rocks on his heels. Then a scent wafts into Kenjiro’s nostrils, snapping him back to reality.

That smell, Kenjiro thinks, Saltpetre … charcoal … sulphur!

Click click click.

From the locker … black powder!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! The door to REIKO’S LOCKER IS BLOWN OFF as KENJIRO grabs REIKO and DROPS TO THE FLOOR. Right behind the door is DOZENS OF SCALPELS, PROPELLED BY THE EXPLOSION INTO THE WALL BEHIND THEM. A scalpel bounces off the plaster and onto the ground, clattering into Kenjiro’s view.

“Kyaaah!” Reiko screams, a few seconds later. Kenjiro helps her to her feet and takes a look around as smoke pours from the locker and students pour into the hallway.

“Ah! Are you two okay?” a man comes up from behind them. Leaning past his shoulder, we see that is BUNZO, a DEVIANT GRIN ON HIS FACE.

“Yes, we’re okay,” Kenjiro replies.

“That’s good! Ah, these lockers are so poorly-constructed!” Bunzo kicks the locker door out of the way, “Here here! Let me take you two to the infirmary!

-----

Bunzo pulls on some rubber gloves and vanishes behind a green curtain. While Bunzo tends to Reiko, Kenjiro sits on a cot and thinks back to the explosion.

I remembered those scents from Chemistry class, Kenjiro thinks to himself, but who would do such a thing to Reiko? Something strange is going on ….

“All doo~oone!” Bunzo comes through the green curtain once more, “Reiko is fine, just a little shaken up. Some rest will do her some good. And now for you, Kanzaki-san.”

“Eh, I really don’t think I’m hurt, and besides, shouldn’t we wait for the school nurse?” Kenjiro replies.

“Ahhh, just relax. My father is a doctor at Tezuka Memorial Hospital. This sort of thing is child’s play to me!”

Using a stethoscope, Bunzo listens to various parts of Kenjiro’s chest. He nods his head while muttering “Hmm” before returning to the counter.

“Your heart seems fine, Kanzaki-san. Now let’s take a look at your throat.”

“But I think any injuries I’d have would be external, right?” Kenjiro scratches his head.

“Ha! That’s the first mistake people make in situations like these,” Bunzo nods as he unscrews the cap to the tongue depressors. Reaching into his uniform, he slowly pulls out a tongue depressor hidden inside his jacket. “Now Kenjiro, open wide and say ‘Aaah’!”

Kenjiro obliges and Bunzo puts a hand on his shoulder, carefully aiming the depressor towards his mouth. As the depressor is a mere INCH AWAY FROM TOUCHING HIS TONGUE, KENJIRO’S HAND SNAPS AND GRABS BUNZO’S WRIST.

“W-What are you doing? I-I can’t check your throat if you’re grabbing my hand like that …” Bunzo begins to sweat.

“I’m just a little perturbed by something you said earlier,” Kenjiro closes his mouth, shadows growing over his eyes.

“W-What?” Sweat begins to DRIP HARDER from Bunzo’s PORES as the TONGUE DEPRESSOR SHAKES with his JITTERY HAND.

“You called me Kanzaki-san,” Kenjiro replies, “I NEVER TOLD YOU MY NAME!!”

“Eyaaargh!” KENJIRO PUSHES BUNZO BACK INTO THE COUNTER. The tongue depressor drops to the ground.

“I-I … I just knew it, alright!” Bunzo slicks back some loose strands of hair pressed against his soaked forehead. He straightens up and RESUMES A CONFIDENT DEMEANOR. “Yeah! I’m a top student here at Junction Star High! Of course I’d know a new student’s name! It’s expected, even!”

“There was something suspicious about that explosion earlier,” Kenjiro rises up from the cot. Step … Step … Step … He approaches Bunzo who is trembling. Despite Bunzo’s impressive stature, Kenjiro is now TOWERING OVER HIM. “It was the scalpels …”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about … !”

“You talk a lot, don’t you? That was your downfall,” Kenjiro says, CLOSING ON BUNZO IN THE SMALL INFIRMARY. “They say good lie is 90% truth. That line you fed me about your father and where he worked … all of that was true.”

“S-S-SO?!”

Kenjiro pulls out a scalpel, one of the scalpels that fired out from Reiko’s locker.

“PROPERTY OF TEZUKA MEMORIAL HOSPITAL,” KENJIRO HOLDS THE SCALPEL SIDEWAYS UP TO BUNZO’S FACE, SHOWING THE ENGRAVING CLEAR AS DAY.

DO~ONG!

KENJIRO TOSSES THE SCALPEL UNDERHANDED TOWARDS BUNZO. BUNZO CATCHES IT IN HIS HAND, BUNZO’S HAND TREMBLING SO MUCH HE CAN BARELY HOLD ONTO IT.

“Your hand isn’t very steady. What kind of doctor’s son are you?”

BUNZO LOOKS DOWN AT HIS HANDS, HIS EYES FUCKING BULGING. HOT, WET BREATHS ARE EXPELLED AS HE RAPIDLY SUCKS IN NEW AIR. DROPS OF SWEAT PATTER AGAINST THE LINOLEUM FLOOR.

“I-IT D-DOESN’T PROVE … ERRRYAAAAGH!” BUNZO LEAPS FORWARD, BRINGING THE SCALPEL DOWN ON KENJIRO’S HAND. KENJIRO IMMEDIATELY WRAPS HIS HAND AROUND THE SCALPEL, THE BLADE SLICING INTO HIS PALM AND CAUSING SOME OF HIS BLOOD TO SPLATTER ON HIS CHEEK. Kenjiro DRIVES A TOE INTO BUNZO’S GUT, KNOCKING THE AIR OUT OF HIM, and FOLLOWS UP WITH A ROUNDHOUSE KICK. Bunzo CRASHES INTO A CABINET, BOTTLES OF ASPIRIN AND COTTON SWAPS FALLING ON TOP OF HIM.

“Why the hell did you attack Reiko?” Kenjiro asks. Bunzo struggles to his FEET, BLOOD CASCADING DOWN HIS FACE. As he HOLDS HIS WOUND, AN ASSHOLISH GRIN PUSHES UP HIS CHEEKS.

“KENJIROOOOOO … YOU THINK YOU’RE SO COOOOL … SO SMAAAART?!” BUNZO BARES HIS TEETH, “You SAW THROUGH THE POISON-COVERED TONGUE DEPRESSOR, I’ll give you that! However, you didn’t see through my plan before I DID THE VERY SAME TO REIKO!”

DOOOOOOM! KENJIRO RECOILS IN SHOCK. BUNZO RIPS DOWN THE GREEN CURTAIN TO REVEAL AN UNCONSCIOUS REIKO.

“What the fuck did you do to her, you bastard?” Kenjiro fumes. BUNZO wipes the BLOOD FROM HIS BROW and BEGINS CACKLING.

“Earlier this year there was a small epidemic of the Australian red-back spider in Tokyo,” Bunzo folds his arm triumphantly, “The outbreak was short-lived and presumably predators wiped them out before they could reproduce, but a few people were bitten. Understandably, anti-venom had to be prepared in Tokyo by injecting the spider’s venom into horses. Some of this venom passed through Tezuka Memorial Hospital along with the anti-venom.”

Ga ga ga. Anger builds in Kenjiro as Bunzo continues his explanation of his devious plan.

”I placed a small bit of the Red-back spider’s venom on the tongue depressor I used for her,” Bunzo grins, “Just enough to kill her ... if she doesn’t get the anti-venom.” With that, he brandishes a small bottle, playfully tossing it into air before snatching it back with his hand.

BUNZO SMIRKS THEN NIMBLY LEAPFROGS OVER THE COT REIKO IS LYING ON WITH KENJIRO QUICKLY FOLLOWS CHASE. AS THEY BURST INTO THE HALLWAY, BUNZO’S GOONS ROUND THE CORNER. Bunzo SIGNALS to his MINIONS and they QUICKLY RUSH KENJIRO.

“DON’T LAG TOO FAR BEHIND, KENJIRO!” BUNZO WAVES. THE FAT, BALD DELIQUENT TRIES TO ATTACK KENJIRO with a SERIES OF SUMO SLAPS but KENJIRO JUST JUMPS OFF HIS HEAD and SPIKES HIM INTO THE GROUND WITH HIS HEEL. THE RED AFRO’D GOON AND BLONDE GOON BOTH GET FUCKING STOMPED BEFORE THEY CAN EVEN DO ANYTHING, THEIR FACES SMASHED AND HEADS SLAMMED INTO THE FLOOR AS KENJIRO SPRINTS AFTER BUNZO.

Bunzo RUSHES INTO THE GYM, WHEEZING and STAGGERING FORWARD. Turning around, HE SEES A BLOODTHIRSTY KENJIRO MAKING A BEE-LINE STRAIGHT TOWARDS HIM. Bunzo RAISES A FINGER, signaling to a BANDAGE-WRAPPED HARA “THE HAMMER” NORIYOSHI. Hara presses a button and SMALL EXPLOSIVES go off ATTACHED TO A LIGHTING FIXTURE.

“SAY GOODBYE!” BUNZO LAUGHS … but NOTHING HAPPENS. BUNZO LOOKS UP TO SEE THE LIGHTING FIXTURE INTACT and then LOOKS BACK DOWN TO SEE A FUCKING FIST BORE INTO HIS FACE!

“GLORRFF!” BUNZO ROCKETS BACKWARD, FLIPPING LIKE TWENTY TIMES AND LEAVING CIRCLES OF BLOOD HANGING IN THE AIR. Kenjiro LIFTS UP BUNZO BY HIS COLLAR AND SCREAMS RIGHT IN HIS SHITTY FACE.

“GIVE ME THE ANTI-VENOM!” Bunzo weakly hands him a bottle. KENJIRO looks at the label to see that it READS “TYLENOL.”

“What the fuck is this?!” KENJIRO SHAKES BUNZO. A few tears begin to slide down Bunzo’s cheeks.

“Reiko’s not poisoned … it was all a trick ... I just administered a mild anesthetic …” Bunzo sobs quietly. Kenjiro drops him on the ground, looking puzzled at his reaction. “S-Shit … I can’t believe I messed up again … I’m always messing up …” Arakaki Bunzo crawls onto his knees, wiping his tears with his sleeves.

“Why did you do all of this?”

“I was just jealous. That’s why I sent my men after you and that’s why I set the trap in the locker. S-Shit …” Bunzo cries, “It’s just … you’re so good with women. It made me … so angry!

“I never wanted to hurt anyone, especially not a girl as pretty as Reiko … I just lost control. I love women, KENJIRO, I can’t control myself sometimes!” BUNZO BEGINS CLAWING AT HIS UNIFORM AND THRUSTING HIS CROTCH TOWARDS THE CEILING. RIPPING OPEN HIS SHIRT, TONS OF PICTURES OF NAKED CHICKS BEGIN SPILLING OUT OF HIS OUTFIT. NUMEROUS PAGES OF J-IDOLS, UPSKIRT SHOTS OF STUDENTS, PHOTOS OF WOMEN OF ALL SIZES, SHAPES, AND COLORS POUR FROM BUNZO’S JACKET. HE NEARLY HAS EVERY KIND OF SMUT IMAGINABLE.

“WOMEN! I LOVE WOMEN!” Bunzo pops a boner.

The one to cause me so much trouble … was this kind of guy?!

SNAP! THE LIGHTING FIXTURE THAT HARA THE HAMMER EXPLODED FINALLY BREAKS FREE AND BEGINS FALLING NOT TOWARDS KENJIRO, BUT BUNZO! AS BUNZO LOOKS UP TO SEE HIS FATE SEALED, KENJIRO UNLEASHES AN UNHOLY HEEL KICK ON IT, KNOCKING IT INTO THE WALL ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GYM. As Bunzo sits stunned, covered in pornography, he watches Kenjiro gracefully retract his foot.

“W-Why did you save me? I-I tried to hurt you …” Bunzo whimpers.

“I can see you have a good soul,” Kenjiro smiles, extending his hand. Bunzo curses again and then LEAPS UP, EMBRACING KENJIRO WHILE BAWLING UNCONTROLLABLY.

“I’M SORRY, KENJIRO! I’LL BE YOUR LOYAL FRIEND, NOW AND ALWAYS! I’M SORRYYYY!”

Reiko wakes up minutes later in the infirmary, sleepy and confused, as Bunzo continues his hug on Kenjiro in the gym. Bunzo’s thugs all watch in awe at this sight, then CRY OUT “BUNZOOOO!” and join in on the hug, all sobbing retardedly.



“What’s that … pressing on my leg … Bunzo … ?”

NEXT ISSUE: The boss of Junction Star High is defeated! But what about the other schools? Kenjiro vs. the American Demon!

[Mautty]

Yawn.

[Action Hank]

Didn't Rice do all of this when he first made Kenjiro?

[Mautty]

Its sounds like same old shit. These should not count as promos.

[Vinny]

I'm re-introducing a character that was already introduced but these aren't the same promos at all. All of this takes place a year before the stuff Rice's promos covered.

[Big Fagot]

You're going to wind up with 500 pages of text totaling five promos.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

Honestly, I could give a shit about this. I want to read about people fighting for survival in the apocalypse.

[Vinny]

A long time ago I realized that, as far as promos goes, no one was going to appreciate what I wanted to write about so I decided to never shoot for any titles. I'm perfectly content just sitting on the low rungs just so I can write about whatever I want. That's why I really don't like writing Handsomus, since it seems like stuff that's not very ENGAGING to me but everyone else seems to like, as least in comparison to my Bronson/Saito/Kenjiro shit.

So, everyone, I suggest you come back to this thread several months from now when Kenjiro catches up to the future.

[Mautty]

Then He should lose all his matches becuase your promoing for phase 1. Im amazed you love for japan is bigger than you love of belt wearing cowboys. Im sure if you made a charecter that was a large cock you would have him fighting in the kick ass world you invented. Not fucking japan.

[Vinny]

I'm not promo'ing for Phase 1. I guess half my Handsomus shit didn't count since it took place billions of years ago, even before the FTUW existed.

It doesn't say anywhere that your promos have to be about current shit, or even about your opponent.

Would you feel better if I moved the card around so you're up against some jobber, Mautty?

[Mautty]

Yes.

[Mautty]

No wait no. It will be a bad ass fight.