Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

L Ron Butterfly · (Thu Feb 28, 2008 11:01 pm)

As we speak, I am sitting next to my friend Joseph in a coffee shop that bills itself as catering to an "alternative" crowd. This means it is frequented by junkies and neo-hippies, as well as run-of-the-mill geeks who are a little too old to still be playing MAGIC, that it's dimly lit, open roughly twenty-four hours a day, and offers free condoms (but ninety percent of New Orleans establishment do that).

Joseph, immediately to my left, is sitting through a live-and-in-person infomercial for World Financial Group, a new, semi-legitimate, almost certainly fraudulent financial service provider. Joseph does not own his own business. I don't believe he's ever had a full-time job. He works ten hours a week at a laundromat. He has no need for this service. He is putting up with this because the girl delivering the speech is attractive and Asian.

Less than an hour ago, I was reading "My Antonia" for my American Movement class. Joseph called me and said, "You're at Zotz, aren't you?" He saw my car. I met him outside, and he told me he was waiting for a HOT CHICK to meet him here. He wanted to go to a bar, but she suggested a coffee shop. We went inside, and within a few minutes, Asian girls in their early twenties, wearing business suits walked in and greated us. I swear to God, for the first ten minutes of her speech, I thought she was just socially awkward, had just gotten off work, and couldn't think of anything to talk about besides work. Now I realize, she is currently AT work. Joseph thought he was going on a date, and she's trying to get comission on some ridiculous pyramid scheme that has trouble verbalizing exactly what they're offering in more direct terms than a "bright future."

Asian people are not human. They do not have sex. They hunt for money. But that's what's so hot about them. This girl looks kind of like Chun-li. Anyway, she just asked me if I was listening and gave me a card to fill out. I think I better pay attention to what's going on before I suddenly find myself in debt.

L Ron Butterfly · (Thu Feb 28, 2008 11:09 pm)

It's important to note that Joseph on at least two different occasions during the speech, interrupted her to reference a popular hip hop song.

MY INTERNAL ALDP IS TELLING ME THAT READING THIS THREAD IS LIKE BEING SLOWLY SMOTHERED BY A PILLOW OF GAY

Let My Love Open The Door · (Thu Feb 28, 2008 11:27 pm)

I read My Antonia! Did you get to the Ukrainian guy's wedding story yet? I love that story so goddamn much.
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If I ever want a moron's opinion you'll be the first one I ask

HAVE A NICE DAY

Username · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 2:56 am)

I thought this thread was going to be boring, but then it turned out to be OK.

Captain PUNisher · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 3:13 am)

I loved My Antonia.
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Said the Captain PUNisher.

Username · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 3:20 am)

This book is getting rave reviews!

Big Fagot · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:53 am)

My Antonia crawled into my asshole while I was asleep and started munching on my shit. The book was ruined, I had to throw it away.

Jason · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 6:52 am)

Username is correct.

Action Hank · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 6:54 am)

gimme gimme asian women

johnbuisthegreat · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 10:24 am)

at first it was long and I wasnt gonna read it but then I did. So yeah that was a nice thread

johnbuisthegreat · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 10:24 am)

I think Punkasss deserves some rave reviews for this thread

Action Hank · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 12:45 pm)

Amway is very successful in China.

Clotho · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:04 pm)

I find Asian chicks are usually easy to get, and they can't handle their alcohol as well as others.

Psarevo · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:11 pm) Reply

Man.

If you have a lady that you love, just fuck the crap out of her and be happy.

Otherwise, don't bother with sex at all.

There's absolutely nothing good that comes out of wanton fucking!

Let My Love Open The Door · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:14 pm)

Yes, I have also found no trouble raping Asian women.
_________________
If I ever want a moron's opinion you'll be the first one I ask

HAVE A NICE DAY

Potatoes · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:19 pm)

Chris, was "wanton" fucking" a pun? I need to know if i should laugh or not.

Psarevo · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 8:15 pm) Reply

Of course it was a pun.

"Wanton" was the word that came to me, and then I said "oh, eheheHEHEHEHE."

And that's when I knew that the post was ready to go.

Potatoes · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 8:55 pm)

hahaha!

Action Hank · (Fri Feb 29, 2008 9:10 pm)

WHAT IS THE CONCLUSION OF THIS STORY PUNKASSS!

L Ron Butterfly · (Sat Mar 01, 2008 2:20 pm)

They had an appointment to try their scheme elsewhere. We got business cards! On the way out of the coffee shop, Joseph let the Asian girls walk in front of us, and while they were going out the door, Joseph picked up like four free condoms and got as many people's attention as possible.

I can't believe people like My Antonia. The book is preposterous. It's supposed to be a forty year old guy writing about when he was twelve, and he remembers the most minute details of every day of his life. How could he remember that? The story about the Russians throwing the bride to the wolves was pretty badass, I guess.