Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Action Hank]

Victor Powers, Jr. was born with only one, underdeveloped kidney and so as a child, he was often sick and would spend weeks at a time in the hospital. It was there, at a particularly long stay when he was six years old, that he met the old magician, the Great Gambino.

The Great Gambino would do card tricks, coin tricks, handkerchief tricks, and the like. But there was this one trick where he'd pretend to cut of his ear, and when he opened his hand to show it, there would be an egg instead of an ear that would open to a golden bird that would fly around and vanish into a puff of smoke.

"Great Gambino, how did you do that?" he asked.

"Magic."

Nearly thirty years later, and trapped in a pocket dimension, Vic thought back to that moment, when, in his heart, he actually believed. And now all his tricks and illusions would do him no good. For they were just that, tricks and illusions. No mater how many coins he could pull out of the dead DILETTANTE's ear, it wouldn't get them out of there.

At first, to drown out Rodney Dangercar's constant chatter, Vic would close his eyes and stuff his ears, and concentrate as hard as he could at making them return to Earth. He would squish his eyes so tight that his had would vibrate a bit, but it never did anything but make things look a little purple and wobbly.

There were a few nacho chips and cupcakes still sitting around that had missed the wide mouth of the DILETTANTE, and for three days Vic lived off of it. But by the fifth day he was starving and thirsty.

"So why don't you eat him?" Rodney Dangercar said. "He's just a piece of meat. Now if only my wife would treat me like a piece of meat. You should see how she puts away a hot dog, whoa boy!"

The idea had crossed his mind, but it seemed so barbaric.

It was the following day that he heard the voice for the first time. It seemed to come from the DILETTANTE's corpse, but it didn't sound like him.

"Hello," it said. It was deeper than the DILETTANTE's nasally whine. And there was an odd accent to it.

"Hello," Vic said. He didn't know what else to do. He thought he was going mad. Hunger and thirst was driving him mad.

The corpse did not speak again for two days.

"How are you?" it said, waking Vic from a nap. Vic was very weak by then, his arms shook as he rubbed his eyes. He would periodically fall off to sleep, perhaps his body was trying to conserve energy.

"Ugh," Vic said.

"It's okay," the corpse said. "Everything will be okay."

"I'm so hungry," Vic said.

"Then, you know what to do."

Desperate times force people to do desperate things. We will not go into detail to what happened next. Lucky for the ILLUSIONIST, there were no bacteria eating away at anything in the pocket dimension. The DILETTANTE would remain as he was, as would Vic if he died. But Vic didn't die. And after he did what he had to do, he was no longer hungry or thirsty.

"My gift to you," the DILETTANTE'S FUCKING SKULL said to him. Or so it seemed. The voice was more coming from inside of Vic's own skull.

"I'm sorry," Vic said. "You were my friend, I shouldn't have done that." He felt sick.

"I have more gifts for you. We are in a special place. We are beyond death, beyond life. And I can show you things, teach you things, things that deep in your heart you desire."

"You can?"

"Yes. I can teach you...magic."

"Like...like Gambino?"

"Even greater than that."

And so, in the odd pulsating blue void, the ILLUSIONIST began his training.

100 years later---

[Action Hank]

"You've failed me," Sinistar says. He is sitting in his armchair, leaning forward and resting on his cane. "You couldn't do this one, simple job."

"Sorry, sir," the Rapist Escapist says.

"The five of you couldn't capture one bumbling fool."

"But sir, he wasn't alone. There was The Musician---"

"Hmphh."

"And The Servant. And The Brother."

"The Brother?" Sinistar knocks his cane against the ground in anger. "What do you mean? Maxwell Powers was with the ILLUSIONIST? Impossible."

"But he was there! I fought him myself."

Sinistar scratches his face and then leans back into his chair.

"If this is so, than those idiots in Nouveau Richonia are going through with it, after all. I will have to think this over. You may go."

"Sir, what about Femme? She hasn't returned from the mission, and I worry that...sir, we found Guy's---"

"GO!"

The Rapist Escapist nods and walks away. The Sinistars were down to three---as soon as the Contortionist recovered. And this sudden change in Mr. Sinistar's attitude. What were they up to in Nouveau Richonia? They had underestimated the ILLUSIONIST. The Escapist wasn't even sure what had happened on the train. One moment he was ready to kill Vic, and the next he was sitting in the middle of a field, surrounded by crates filled with marble. The Ventriloquistador turned up dead, the Contortionist had a knife in his back, and The Hypnotits was missing. The team had never screwed up this badly before.

"Fuck Sinistar," he says, under his breath as he steps outside of the mansion. It was time to ask an old friend for a favor. He would get his revenge, whether the old man liked it or not.

---------------------------------

"Victor Powers, Jr. The ILLUSIONIST. How good it is to see you again."

"Commissioner---"

"Oh, I don't go by that name anymore. Please, call me Baron."

The carriage had brought TEAM ILLUSIONIST to the home of Baron Hoity Von Toity, a sprawling complex of Grecian revival buildings of extreme opulence. While the rest of the team was being checked over for their injuries, Vic had been escorted into the Game Room, where the Baron was waiting. The Game Room is full of game---the heads of dead animals line the walls. A giant bear stands in a frozen pose. A skinned, hairy mutant goon has been turned into a rug in front of a fireplace. Guns of all sorts are mounted in order of size.

"Baron, thanks for the hospitality and all," Vic swallows hard and looks at the head of a lion that looks like its being anally violated. "But my brother---"

"Yes, Maxwell. He's a good man, Vic. And I know he told you that your father is here, in Branson. But, sadly, he isn't. Not anymore, at least. But I'd love to help you find him. Think of it as a gift for all the wonderful work you did for me."

"You know where he is?"

Von Toity smiles.

"Vic, I am a man who knows how to get what he wants. That's how I've survived in these times. I've chosen to live on in America after its unfortunate demise, despite being the ruler of the vastly superior and obscenely wealthy lands of Richonia. Europe is a boring place. Besides, there is something here that I want."

He pauses, waiting for Vic's response.

"What's that?"

"I need your help," the Baron says. "And in exchange for your help, I will offer you my resources to help you find your father."

"You should listen to him, brother," Maxwell says. He's covered in bandages and leaning on crutches in the doorway. "He can help you. He can help us."
---------------------------

TEAM ILLUSIONIST hops of the helicopter at Castlevania. They have spent two weeks recovering in Branson, but now more pressing matters await.

"Remember, if you survive Elegy of Extinction---I mean, when you survive Elegy of Extinction, I'll come pick you up." Maxwell twirls his mustache and climbs back into the helicopter.

Vic nods.

"We'll find pops," Max says. "I promise you we will."

The helicopter takes off, leaving Vic, JAZZ, and Kimchi alone at the outskirts of the city.

"I know he's your brother and all, Master, but for some reason I don't trust him."

JAZZ lights up a cigarette.

"He is my brother, fair Kimchi. And blood---blood is thicker than even magic. I trust him. Other than Pops, he's all I have. Now, lets go! I've learned a few things or two sparing with Max and a few of the Baron's men. There was this one move---called the uppercut! I am very excited about using it. Though, it isn't really magical."

He lifts the DELITTANTE'S cracked FUCKING SKULL into the air.

"And yes, I think its about time for me to use *THAT* move, my friend. This show will be very important, and I must prove myself to my adoring fans. *THAT* move will sure to wow them!"

"Yes, it will," the skull says to him. "It only took you 100 years to master it."

"Yes, yes. Indeed. All thanks to you."

Kimchi and JAZZ look at Vic, and then at each other in confusion. They both shrug and continue onward, as Vic continues his conversation with the cracked skull.
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END OF CHAPTER FOUR

Next week TEAM ILLUSIONIST returns in Chapter Five: The ILLUSION Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See you at Elegy of Extinction.