Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[My Head Hurts 90]

Jack Masterson should make another comeback even if his physical being has been purged from existence.

[Spamdini]

The Ghosts of von Toity throw off their cloaks and...

ANOTHER SPECIAL PRESENTATION!

Bin Destruction in Jew Hell

Bin Destruction is toiling in Jew Hell when he notices a door labeled
"Exit out of Hell - 10 cents".

Bin Destruction: Sweet benevolent Allah! A way out of this cursed place! I must be finding 10 cents!

And so Bin Destruction spends all of eternity trying to convince a Jew to give him 10 cents so that they can escape Hell.

~fin

Since that wasn't very long, how about I reveal the identity of the Ghosts of von Toity?

They throw off their cloaks and they are...DETECTIVE JAKE CALLAGHAN, THE REVEREND ZEEBO SYKES AND MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE!!!

[Action Hank]

Macho Man got his body back?!

[Big Fagot]

DANG MAN THIS IS SO WACKYYYYYYY

[Spamdini]

Yeah, he snorted tons of coke and grew his body back somehow.

[Action Hank]

That's fine with me!

[Spamdini]

For the sake of making things easier, the von Toity you all know and hate is King von Toity. The alternate universe one is just Hoity von Toity.

King von Toity is absolutely beside himself upon the identities of the ghots being revealed.

King von Toity: WHAT IN THE FUCK?! WHY ARE YOU ALL ALIVE?!

Hoity von Toity: Perhaps I should start from the beginning and how I obtained a new body.

Flashback to a dark starry night. Deep in the catacombs of FTUW Tower, guards are knocked unconscious by a large, brutish figure. floating helplessly in a jar, Hoity von Toity hears the commotion and looks towards the door, which then swing open violently.

Hoity von Toity: W-who are you?

Macho Man: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Hoity von Toity: ?!

Macho Man: Ain't no weed down here? Damn, I thought this is where they'd be hiding the good stuff! Fuck that von Toity and his oppression of drugs. OHH YEAAAH!

Hoity von Toity: Y-you're Macho Man Randy Savage, aren't you? The wrestler!

Macho Man: That's right, brother!

Hoity von Toity: Please save me!

Macho Man: No way! You're von Toity!

Hoity von Toity: Wait, I can explain!

And so he explains how he got into this mess.

Macho Man: No body, huh? Well, it's the last of my stash but you can have this!

And so Macho Man throws down a kilo of coke onto the table.

Hoity von Toity: Is that...?

Macho Man: Like dust from the heavens! OHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAAH! Slap into that shit and you'll be good to go!

Grabbing von Toity's head, Macho Man shoves him into the pile of blow and forces him to inhale it all. Magically, he sprouts a new body!

Back to the present, Macho Man is totally pumped.

Macho Man: You're going dowwwwwwwn, von Toity! I'm gonna help take you out and return the magic of weed to Nouveau-Richonia! My brother Puff Ryder would have wanted it that way!

Zeebo Sykes: I too wish to destroy you! You used me with no intention of aiding my dream to restore America through the might of God!

King von Toity: Didn't Uncle Slam kill you?

Zeebo Sykes: Ho ho ho, as if I could be defeated that easily!

Another flashback. The Reverend Sykes, upon finding that his partner has betrayed him, attempts to drill him with the Holy Driver.

Uncle Slam: The Holy Driver, the Holier Driver; nothing compared to the ultimate wrestling hold. Crafted by our founding fathers, face...THE HOLIEST DRIVER!

And that’s when Reverend Sykes feels it. A SCREW DRIVER IN HIS GUT!

Uncle Slam: HA HA HA! How do you like my Holiest Driver?!

Zeebo Sykes: OH THAT HURRRRTS!

Uncle Slam follows up with a steel chair and leaves poor poor Sykes for dead. Hours later, two cloaked figures come up to him and take him away. Flashback ovah!

Zeebo Sykes: And that is how I was saved by this virtuous von Toity! He is a savior sent by our lord in order to slay your pathetic self!

King von Toity: And you Callaghan?

Callaghan: Hrumph, do you even have to ask why I want to fucking kill you? It so happened that the Reverend Sykes was spying on you when you defenestrated me. He used his impeccable aerial abilities and caught me before I hit the ground. He and the other Ghosts of von Toity also gave me this lovely little gift.

He pulls back on his sleeve to reveal a prosthetic paw from where it was severed during the aforementioned attempt on his life.

Hoity von Toity: The four of us have a common goal and that’s to see YOU humiliated and deposed, von Toity!

King von Toity is forcibly restrained by his own men, but eventually calms down.

King von Toity: Very well. If you four are representing your team, I shall announce my team! At the Ultimate Survivor Series, it shall be Hoity von Toity, Macho Man Randy Savage, Reverend Zeebo Sykes and Detective Jake Callaghan vs. Wilson P. Hickenbottom, Charles Artemis, Sinclair Mohammad and Chief Fisting Falcon!

Cole: WOW! That’s gonna be one hell of a match!

Hoity von Toity: Hmm…no.

King von Toity: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?!

Hoity von Toity: You’re going to fight too. If I’m getting in the ring then you are too.

King von Toity: WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!

Hoity von Toity: You’re the one who wanted to enter a wrestling ring.

Cole: Incredible! For the first time in four years since the first King Shit of Fuck Mountain, our owner King von Toity is going to compete in a wrestling ring!

King von Toity: …Heh heh, good point. 5 on 4 doesn’t sound like such a bad deal.

Hoity von Toity: Oh it’ll be 5 on 5.

King von Toity: Another one of you shitheads?! Who is it?

Hoity von Toity: Someone you know quite well.

King von Toity: Hm?!

The crowd begins snapping their wrists while going “Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiit” because another twist is about to added to the mix.

Cole: Who could this fifth member be?!

Ventura: A former FTUW wrestler maybe? Or a relative of von Toity’s?

Hoity von Toity: Fifth member, come on out!

And out he walks.

King von Toity: I…it’s you!

Wilson: You’re alive?!

Sinclair: Impossible, mon!

Artemis: Hmph, should have known.

Chief Fisting Falcon: …

King von Toity: So you’re going to step up against me, RUDY?!

The powerfully built, gentlemanly warrior stands there with his hand crossed across his chest.

Rudy: That is correct, sir.

Cole: What the?! WHO IS THAT?!

Ventura: How the fuck should I know, you limp-wristed twink?! But King von Toity seems to know him and so do his men. There’s gotta be some connection!

Hoity von Toity: And so it’s settled! Two weeks from now in the Viscerape Quantum Shitfuck Arena in Metalrapia! King von Toity and his four elite guards against the Ghosts of von Toity and Rudy for control of FTUW!

Throwing the microphone to the ground a cloud of smoke poofs out and the Ghosts of von Toity disappear! Only Rudy remains on the rampway, looking at King von Toity and his men before slowly walking away. Surprisingly, von Toity makes no attempt to stop him.

Cole: THIS IS SO EXCITING! WILL FTUW BE RUN BY GOOD OR EVIL?! JUSTICE OR MALICE?! WE’LL FIND OUT IN TWO SHORT WEEKS!!