Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

Let My Love Open The Door · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:12 pm)

Tonight I was taking a shit, and I went to wipe, and it was clear that there was more than residual shit hanging out there. It was really bad, and I even got some shit on my hand. I tried wiping it, but it quickly became obvious that my ass was not going to be clean by any conventional means. The consistency of the shit was completely unlike anything I've ever had to deal with. It was the stickiest worst shit ever! I looked at my ass in the mirror and it was clear that wetting the toilet paper first wasn't gonna do it either. I ran to the shower and it took me like 5 minutes of washing to be confident it was gone. I don't know what I ate to bring this upon myself, but I'm so scared I feel like I should start holding my shit in for days at a time so it can accumulate into dense, perfect logs.

Thanks FTU and Gimp Mask, without you I don't think I ever would have been able to share this burden!

Stupid Fucking Faggot · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:18 pm)

Whatever, this is the kind of post I had a huge hand in pioneering.

Stupid Fucking Faggot · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:18 pm)

Let My Love Open The Door · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:24 pm)

You're completely wrong.

Big Fagot · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:30 pm)

I had some shit problems recently and it was not only horrible in the bare physical sense but also in the psychological "if I can't shit when and how I want to then I'm back to being two years old" sense.

It was agonizing, and probably nothing compared to what Vinny and Ace (and Morgan?) have suffered through.

Action Hank · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:39 pm)

Today I woke up in slight pain, but the time I got to class my stomach was clenched in violent cramps and I had to run to the bathroom and explode the toilet while three chicks stood right outside the bathroom door making photocopies and they most likely heard all the wonderful noises I made.

Stupid Fucking Faggot · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 8:03 pm)

I also defecated today.

Action Hank · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 8:05 pm)

The most heroic thing I ever did was hold in explosive diarrhea for four hours on a bus in China. I probably should have shit my pants or ruptured my colon and died.

Vinny · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 8:16 pm)

Having IBS and going to China is brave and heroic in and of itself.
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Action Hank · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 8:21 pm)

It was a challenge. I was sick 75% of the time, compared to the other Americans who were sick only 50% of the time.

GimpMask · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 9:54 pm)

I tried to fart into Beth's mouth the other night and I VIOLENTLY sprayed EXPLOSIVE diarhhea all over myself. I ended up waddling to the bathroom with this sticky wet series of splats in my shorts, and apparently dripped some on the floor and did not notice for days. I ended up smearing shit all over my hands and thighs when I tried to clean myself up.

She thought it was adorable.

*KABOOM*
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Engel242 · (Tue Nov 27, 2007 10:06 pm)

The Battle of the Bowl is a harsh, protracted struggle filled with loss, bloodshed, and heartache.

That being said, my shit today was quite long but satisfying. I hope things get better for you guys!

Sporkism · (Wed Nov 28, 2007 7:03 am)

I haven't had too many problems lately since I've been on this medicine, but I remember not too long ago was the worst shit of my life.

I was at work, OF COURSE, so I was terrified of SHIT NOISES being made, or being gone from my desk for too long. But at the same time it was way too painful to hold it in. I tried eating a bunch of rolaids, but it wasn't soon enough to save me.

I was going back to the bathroom literally every 5-10 minutes for 3 hours. Each time I'd think/hope I would be finished, BUT IT WOULD JUST COME BACK.

God, my stomach was in so much pain. I was gripping the side bar thingy in the bathroom, gritting my teeth and trying not to howl in agony, and looking up at the ceiling praying to any/all gods that my suffering could end.

Seru · (Wed Nov 28, 2007 7:10 am)

That's a cute story.

Let My Love Open The Door · (Wed Nov 28, 2007 9:10 am)

Nothing is more disheartening than taking an epic painful shit and thinking that's that, and finding out it ISN'T.

MADali · (Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:22 am)

ALDP, you should wash your ass instead of using toilet paper.

Although, washing your ass and then using toilet paper is probably the best of two cultures.
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Magic Juan · (Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:33 am)

When I was like 11, I took a huge shit in the toilet and it was so big it wouldn't flush and my dad saw it and went, "Holy moley, that's a gigantic log of shit!"

Let My Love Open The Door · (Wed Nov 28, 2007 11:24 am)

How should I go about washing my ass every time I shit? Also, what does "wash" mean to you that it could possibly leave residue for toilet paper to clean up?

Stupid Fucking Faggot · (Wed Nov 28, 2007 12:23 pm)

MEAT NOISES

Rice · (Wed Nov 28, 2007 12:32 pm)

Well, I almost shit my pants today, and I blame this thread.