Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Rice]

"Ahhhn!"

A high-pitched squeal rings out through the rubble like only the threat of rape can create.

"C'mon girlie! Just a little peek...geh heh heh!" Murdercock licks his lips and gyrates his pelvis. His skinny and lanky body, condensed even further by the tight leather wrappings he wears, looks retarded and dangerously off-balance as he does so.

"D-Du-g-guh, huh, yeah, just a peek!" William grunts, his bloated face alight with anticipation. He drools slightly, salivating over their prize. He barely remembers to wipe in time. The girl in question tries to run but trips, horrifiedly backing away from the duo. In rage, Murdercock turns on William and kicks him lightly in the face.

"YOU IDIOT! You're scaring her!" Rounding back on the scared girl, he extends a hand and a warm smile. This gesture's friendliness is fleeting when coupled with the shiv in his other hand. "Please excuse me friend, he's not very bright. You can trust us, though, we're both gentlemen!"

The girl eyes the knife scaredly while doing that one thing where a hand is raised up to the mouth. Murdercock notices this and looks at the weapon himself.

"Oh, this?" He laughs it off. "This lawless land, you know, you can never have enough protection..." He starts to look serious, advancing on the girl. He starts to unzip his fly as he walks towards her. "...from all sorts of people..." He whips his cock out, which is stained with dried blood and has an eyeball dangling from it. "Geh heh heh! Don't worry girl, you only really need one eye, if that!"

His focus is suddenly broken by the sound of a huge EXPLOSION in a nearby building! The age(even though it's only been like 2 years) coupled with previously existing damage causes a large chunk of the side to collapse in, sending up a huge cloud of dust.

"W-what the fuck was that?!" Murdercock screams, looking at his friend. His friend looks as clueless as ever. They both forget about the girl temporarily and move toward the wreckage. The victim to-be edges away slowly.

Peering into the doubly ruined building, a stooped figure slowly rises in the billowing dust, its finer features obscured by the smoke. All the two hooligans can tell is that whatever it is, it is massive. William's saliva flows freely now, his surprise overpowering any more complex actions like swallowing.

"M-Murdercock, that thing has to be almost 8 feet t-" his astute observation is cut short as the figure DARTS OUTWARD, taking the two by complete surprise. A wild litany of hooting and shouting accompanies it, making it a shouting, hulking whirlwind. It blows past the two and into the light, where its features are revealed for the first time. It is a man indeed, but no man like this has walked this soil for as long as its inhabitants can remember. No man here was so tall, yet stooped over like an ape. No man here emitted such a wild string of barks and HOOTS. No man here had muscles(well, maybe) like his, massive and bronzed and rippled from years of use. His hair was thick, matted and filthy, a black taking a backseat to the amber gauze that covering it. The inordinate amount of body hair and layer of dirt covering his body caused his onlookers to believe for a split second that he had some form of clothing, but as he ran into the light they saw this was not so. His penis dangled like a massive warclub, a monstrous and untamed thing, much like its wielder. It completely ignores the two stunned goons as it excitedly runs about, admiring the blasted cityscape. This continues for some minutes before it calms down and notices the pair staring at him. Its eyes light up as it scrambles over, still hooting excitedly. The man looks the two up and down, taking note of both and touching the leather straps that they wear. They recoil in surprise, quickly regaining their composture when they realize it means no harm. Its gaze flickers to Murdercock's knife, where it begins to scream and shout, jumping up and down, pointing at the dinky weapon.

"W-what the fuck, William...what's up with this guy..." the two back away, as frightened as the girl was when they advanced upon her. The feral being does not cease his shouting and hollering, instead starting to motion toward the sky, pointing wildly in multiple directions. Suddenly he REACHES for the shiny blade of the knife, which causes Murdercock to recoil.

"What the fuck is up with this guy?! He's up to something...William, let's carve him up!" His compatrion nods assent, and they both FLY FORWARD, SHOUTING BATTLECRIES. This seems to excite the caveman, who seems to not understand and screams and jumps about with them.

"TAKE THIS!" Murdercock expells, as he thrusts his dagger downwards at the man's heart. With a tiny tink, the blade tip breaks on his insanely thick and calloused PECTORAL MUSCLE. The man immediately ceases his curious, childlike demeanor, his overlarge brow furrowing into an expression of seething rage. The two pause in horror for a moment before-...

"GRAGGGHGHH" THE MAN EXPLODES INTO A WILD, BEASTIAL FURY, FLYING AT THE TWO GOONS WITH UNMATCHED SPEED FOR A BEING HIS SIZE. THE TWO TRY TO BACK AWAY BUT HE IS UPON THEM. HE SWATS THE REMAINS OF THE KNIFE OUT OF MURDERCOCK'S KNIFE LIKE A SILLY TOY AND GRABS HIS LEG. MURDERCOCK SCREAMS IN HORROR AS HIS APPENDAGE IS EFFORTLESSLY TORN FROM HIS BODY, BLOOD SPRAYING FROM THE GAPING SOCKET, OF COURSE. HE FALLS OVER AND GRASPS THE AREA IN HORROR, UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING BUT CRY LIKE A LITTLE BABY.

STILL HOLDING ONTO THE TORN-OFF LEG, HE CASTS HIS TERRIBLE GAZE ON WILLIAM, WHO IS SWEATING AND SHITTING HIS PANTS. HE BARELY MAINTAINS THE COMPOSTURE TO SWING HIS CHAINED WEAPON AROUND FEEBLY. ON THE VERGE OF TEARS, HE LASHES THE WEAPON OUT AT THE WILDMAN, WHO IS UPON HIM INSTANTLY, THE IRON LINKS THUMPING OFF HIM WITHOUT EFFECT. REARING BACK, HE SWINGS THE TORN LIMB AS IF IT WERE A SLIGHTLY MORE SOPHISTICATED WEAPON, BLOWING THE SHIT OUT OF WILLIAM AND MAKING HIM FLY BACKWARDS INTO A WALL OF CONCRETE! HE DROPS THE LIMB AND RUNS FORWARD, PICKING UP A HUGE CHUNK OF ROCK AS HE MOVES. STILL DAZED AND ON THE GROUND, HE REGAINS HIS COMPOSTURE ONLY TO GAZE IN HORROR AT THE MASSIVE BEING BLOCKING THE SUN'S PATH TO HIM. HOLDING THE ROCK HIGH OVER HIS HEAD WITH ONE ARM, HE DROPS IT ONTO WILLIAM'S FACE, WHICH COLLAPSES IN A CLOUD OF BLOOD, BONE, AND DUST. HE THEN GOES BACK TO MURDERCOCK, WHO IS STILL CRYING AND BLEEDING, AND PICKS HIM UP BY HIS OTHER LEG. HE DANGLES HELPLESSLY AS THE BLOOD SPRAYS BADASSLY ON THE MAN'S FACE. HE LOOKS AT MURDERCOCK WITH DISGUST, HIS EXPRESSION BETRAYING SIGNS OF INTELLIGENCE THE TWO FAILED TO NOTICE EARLIER. HE SAYS SOMETHING IN AN UNKNOWN TONGUE, THEN PROCEEDS TO THRASH MURDERCOCK'S HELPLESS BODY ON A PILE OF RUBBLE.

When the carnage is over, the giant returns to its former state of childlike curiousity and wonderment. It further examines the surroundings before noticing the girl he inadvertently saved peering out from behind a building.
Cautioned by the former encounter, he maintains his distance, wary of what tricks these people might have. Slowly, the girl emerges, throwing up her hands to show she is unarmed. She approaches the man, whos guard remains up. Slowly, slowly she reaches out for his forearm, and he shivers at the strange touch of the pale and delicate fingers. He has never seen anything quite like her before, her gentle demeanor and soft looks seeming wildly exotic to him. She slowly points at herself and says "Anne."

Understanding, the beastly man smiles and slaps his chest. "THRAK." The girl, emboldened by his comprehension, gives him a kiss on the cheek and says "You saved me!"

Thrak clubs her over the head and rapes her.

[Rice]

Wasteland. The scorching sun beats down on Thrak's head, who ignores the heat. In fact, he seems to relish in this weather, making great pace across the barrens without pausing for anything, dashing across the scenery of sand and rock with surprising and consistent speed. Whatever he has been searching for, or for what reason he is here, it seems he is still looking for it. He is still naked, and as he runs his offensively large dong flops around. As he passes by a large outcropping of rock, a burst of noise rings in his ear and he looks upward to see the sun blocked from his view...by several strange devices! The loud, metal things fly over him and land opposite of the rock, where they rev up and zip around, encircling him. There are people, people controlling the devices. Thrak's quest had not been in vain! He hoots excitedly and jumps up and down, looking at the riders. Seeing their apparel and demenor similar to Murderfuck and William, however, he stops and maintains his guard.

The leader, a filthy dreg of a man with knives, razors, maces, and the occasional scorpion tied to his hair lets out a loud, barking laugh.

"GAH HA HA HA! Looks like we found 'im, boys! The Rapeskulls never let their quarry escape!' He zips around Thrak some more, probably swinging a barbed chain around and spitting. "Especially not after what he did to poor Murderfuck and William, isn't that right boys?" He looks back and the respective goons cackle along with him. He turns back to Thrak, his expression deadly serious.

"Get him."

Howling madly, the BIKERS rev up and fly forward. The noise puts Thrak off, who turns and scampers up the rock outcropping where they appeared. Their bikes are unable to get up it, so he gazes down in relative safety. The leader shouts at them, motion towards their target. "What the fuck are you doing? Get off yer rides, and get him, you idiots!" But it's too late. One rider is dismounted by a basketball-sized chunk of rock Thrak hurled at his head. The others, slightly put off, look at each other then to the ooze coming out from what used to be their fellow goon's head, then reluctantly get off. They brandish various weaponry, from a tiny chainsaw knife to a flamethrower made from a Super Soaker. The moving parts and spewing flames seem to intrigue Thrak, but he maintains his defensive position with a rock held high over his head. He shouts wild warnings and curses, hoping to drive them off. The bikers begin to climb up, unperturbed. Thrak manages to kill a few by throwing boulders, but soon the remainder are upon him. His raw strength and bare fists are just as devastating as the hurled boulders, but there are too many. Soon all of them circle him, all brandishing their weaponry. Then the leader calls out.

"Arturo! Give him the flamethrower!"

"What, boss?! He's killin' da boyz!"

The leader whips his hair, sending a shiv into the goon next to him. The goon screams and falls off the rock, clutching his severed jugular.

"Shut the hell up and do what I say! Yer all expendable!"

Slowly, Arturo hands the bristling Thrak his treasured Super Flamethrower, then backs off a few feet. Examining it closely with wonder and merriment, Thrak seems to quickly grasp its workings with a deceptive intelligence. He wraps his thick finger around the trigger, and grins wickedly. Within a single moment the entire pinnacle of the rock is set ablaze, the goons screaming and falling and burning to their deaths. Arturo, who managed to survive somehow, falls off the rock and shuffles on his butt to the boss. He looks up, pained and bewildered.

"Boss! Why's you give him dat?!"

The leader simply grins at the destruction of his gang and laughs, his smile only widening as Thrak jumps off the rock and approaches him. As he readies the flamethrower and prepares to toast the remaining two, the leader throws his hand up and something shines brightly in the sun.

"Because I have this!"

Thrak gasps, and stares at the object in the man's hand.

"Hahahaha! That's right, Thrak, didn't think you'd see another one of these, would you? Don't come any closer! You wouldn't want your only way out to burn up before you! Put down the weapon and give it back to Arturo!"

Though he doesn't speak Goonish, the savage seems to understand. He lowers the weapon and kicks it over to Arturo, who snatches it up and presses the body to his cheek. Seemingly satisfied, the leader lowers his hand and snickers.

"NOW!" he screams.

SUDDENLY TWO TRAPDOORS ON EITHER SIDE OF THRAK FLY OPEN AND TWO VELOCIRAPTORS ON ROCKETBOARDS SHOOT OUT, CRISSCROSSING USELESSLY OVER THRAK AND HIGHFIVING EACH OTHER IN MIDAIR! THEY WEAR BANDANAS AND POP OLLIES AND SHIT BEFORE THEY HIT THE GROUND AND KEEP GOING, THEN TURN BACK AND GO STRAIGHT FOR THRAK! THRAK IS TAKEN COMPLETELY BY SURPRISE AND ONLY HAS TIME TO CLOTHESLINE ONE OFF BEFORE THE OTHER HITS HIM ON THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THE ROCKETBOARD, CAUSING HIM TO LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS!

As Thrak falls to the ground, the last thing he sees is the raptor doing a kickflip on his rocketboard and wonders how?....

[Big Fagot]

Through the lens of critical analysis, FUCK

[Spamdini]

That last paragraph nearly make me choke from laughter.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

Velociraptors on rocketboards are the new Theldorrin.

[Action Hank]

Its important that they were giving each other high fives.

[Vinny]

This is very goddamned important!!!!!!

[Rice]

Thrak struggles uncomfortably in a rusted steel cage, fighting a losing battle with unconsciousness. The cold, dulled metalwork is unfamiliar to him, as are the links that clamp his arms behind his back. His head throbs and his vision blurs, but he can barely make out the shapes of the hated reptiles cruising at a leisurely pace alongside the cage. His head bobs and he realizes they are on some kind of vehicle, travelling through the wasteland. They are taking him somewhere. He tries to spit at his captors but realizes he does not have the energy, nor the saliva. Beaten, he slumps his head back down and gives in to despair, ignoring the cackling of the dinos alongside him. A million questions flood his mind, but no answers come to him as he fades into an uneasy sleep...he can only remember a time....A TIME...WHEN DINOSAURS WALKED THE EARTH.

---

There is a sound of thunder. The earth trembles and shakes. What sounds like gunfire fills the air. The sky rains fire on the peaceful jungle, turning portions of it into ash. We see Thrak running through the foliage, but he is different, clothed. But his clothes are strange! A bandolier of rocks is slung over his shoulder and what appear to be coconuts dangle from his belt, which are made from vines. His dong, normally free and swinging, is covered by the pelt of an unknown animal. A sword which appears to be carved from solid rock hangs on his belt. As he leaps over the roots and vines, others follow, similarly clothed. One wears a helmet with what appear to be horned by saber-toothed tiger fangs on top, another one so massive and dirty he may very well be carved from stone himself. Another, a female, looks like the chick saiyan shown in that one DBZ flashback.

Thrak turns back to them as he runs, shouting a command.

"This way!" he motions. For some reason we are able to understand him, his voice loud, strong, and in perfect English. He turns and his team follows suit, but suddenly fire comes from all directions and the team is scattered by an exploding artillery shell! SUDDENLY A GODDAMNED T-REX WITH MISSILE LAUNCHERS ON ITS BACK COMES CRASHING THROUGH THE BRUSH, FOLLOWED BY A BUNCH OF RAPTORS ON THEIR ROCKETBOARDS!

"GAH HA HA HA!" The T-Rex rumbles in a voice that sounds like Darkseid from the old Superfriends cartoon. A small lense, which looks like a targeting device, covers one eye. He carries a smaller dinosaur, held in his absurdly small arms, which brandishes some kind of gun. "Thought you apes could outsmart us DINOS, did you?! Hands up! Drop yer weapons!"

The humans look to Thrak, who doesn't take his gaze off the T-Rex.

"Do what he says," he says, ignoring their incredulous looks. The team follows his orders.

One raptor wearing what looks like a basketball jersey and a backwards baseball cap flies forward and back, cackling.

"Yeah! Thought you WARMBLOODS were s-s-smarter, huh?!"

The T-Rex looks annoyed at this and swings his gallimimus, knocking the raptor into a tree.

"Shut it, ya git!" he spits, then rounds on the HUMANS, squinting at them with his unaided eye. "Hand over da plans!"

Slowly, Thrak reaches down and removes the stone slab he had fastened to his side. He looks at his team and nods, then hands the tablet over.

"Geh heh heh, that's good! I didn't think you apes would give it up so easily! Now finish 'em of-" his voice trails off as he looks the tablet over and tries to pass it off to his raptor lackey, and finds his free claw stuck to it! FRANTICALLY HE TRIES TO SHAKE THE TABLET OFF, BUT REALIZES WHY IT WON'T BUDGE. HIS EYES BULGE COMICALLY AND HIS SCOUTER THING EXPLODES FOR NO REASON. THE BOTTOM LAYER OF THE TABLET WAS COVERED IN TAR, AND STUCK TO THE TAR IS ONE OF THE COCONUTS ON THRAK'S BELT! SUDDENLY THE COCONUT BURSTS OPEN AND A SWARM OF GIGANTIC BEES WITH LIKE, SCORPION CLAWS AND SHIT FLY OUT AND START BUZZING ALL AROUND. SINCE THE BEES ARE LIKE HALF THE LENGTH OF A SUBWAY SANDWICH THEIR STINGS ACTUALLY START TO FUCK WITH THE T-REX, WHO BEGINS TO BEAT HIMSELF IN THE FACE WITH THE GALLIMIMUS AND FIRE OFF HIS SHOULDER ROCKETS FOR NO REASON!

Taking this opportunity, Thrak and his team spring into action. Thrak rolls under the Tyrannosaur and cuts at his leg tendons as he passes under, then launches himself at the nearest raptor. The combined stress of the bees, the CUT, and the thrashing dino he's holding causes him to drop the tablet, which the Saiyan...from Earth runs to catch. The helmet-wearing caveguy headbutts a dino, who was distracted by the flailing of the T-Rex! The BIG DIRTY NEGRO CAVEMAN GRABS TWO MORE ROCKET RAPTORS BY THE TAIL AND STARTS SPINNING LIKE ZANGIEF, SMASHING THEM INTO TREES AND SHIT. Within seconds, the entire DINO FORCE is stunned or disabled and the cro magnon men are making their getaways on the raptor rocketboards, which they, for some reason, are able to ride badassly.

Before they leave the clearing, Thrak turns and shouts to the T-Rex. "We don't have anything against the Reptile Kingdom, but a job's a job!"

Flying through the jungle at high speeds, they hear a pantshitting roar behind them, followed by a string of curses.

"FUCKIN' APES, I'LL GET YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!" More missiles fire into the sky. One explodes a passing pteradactyl.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

Excellent.

[Vinny]

Coconuts filled with monster bees is fucking awesome.

[Spamdini]

I smell a new champion.

[Rice]

"Hmm…fascinating, most fascinating!' the Iguanadon scientist pores over the stone tablet. "This is unlike anything we've encountered before! You humans continue to surprise me..."

Prehistoric equivalents of fireflies buzz in glass containers overhead, illuminating the area in a cold, sterile light not unlike a modern day laboratory. Thrak leans against the doorway, arms crossed and eyes closed, listening with a measure of disinterest.

"That's great and all, but when do I get paid? You've been looking at that thing for hours." He glances at the sundial on the wall.

"Now, now," tuts the dinoscientist. "This is pertinent to you as well! It will take time to decipher the schematics, but this could turn the tide against those damnable Tyrannos!"

"Yeah, but then I'd be out of a job," Thrak mutters, before turning to leave .

"W-wait! This was designed by human hands, after all! Don't you care?!" the Iguanadon's voice echoes uselessly through the hallway.

"Mercenaries!" he sighs, before turning back to the stolen plans.

---

Outside, the wind whips at Thrak as he stares into the setting sun. His hair swirls around and he puts a foot on a rock, looking impressively like some feral Fabio. He thinks back to the scientist's words and spits.

"Tseh...I guess I really don't care...it's not like humanity has any impact on anything. It's the royal dinosty that has control of the world. It's through them that humanity is even allowed to exist! We're a blemish compared to their empire...we can't do anything for ourselves."

"Does this mean you forgot...about everything you said before?" comes a voice from behind. Thrak looks and it's the Saiyan-looking chick.

"How can you say that?" he grunts, indignant.

"So you DID forget..." she says, looking at the ground. Really gay MIDI quality music starts to play at this point, prompting a flashback...again.

---

A wasteland. Steam wafts out of cracks in the blasted, desolate ground. Rocks and dead trees litter the landscape. The camera zooms in close to the ground, where we see some cave lizard crawling along the ground. A shadow looms over it, and we see the eager face of a hooting neanderthal. He picks the lizard up and races excitedly towards some distant rock outcroppings. The shouting and hollering causes heads to poke out of the rock crevices, other cavemen inquisitive as to what the ruckus is about.

"Ha ha! Look what I found!" the excited caveman yells. He swings the lizard about by the tail merrily.

"W-wow!"

"Look at that!" Excited whispers drift out of the rock.

"It's huge!"

"Think there's enough to go around?"

The cavemen all gather around a circular stone, where they slam the captured lizard down belly up.

"Real meat for once..." a nearby child licks his lips.

Just as the main caveman raises his cutting stone, deafening TRUMPET BLAST rings out across the rocks, accompanied by a heavy rumbling. The cavemen all turn to see the DUST CLOUDS forming in the distance. Distracted, MAIN CAVEMAN'S GRIP loosens and the lizard breaks free, scampering away. But he pays this no heed. HE'S TOO DISTRACTED BY THE GOD DAMNED BATTALLION OF DINOSAURS HEADED THEIR WAY! The ground shakes ever more violently as they approach, and soon the petrified cavemen can make out the advance scouts of the army. Gallimimus with ceremonial headdresses, with DEINONYCHUS RIDERS, flit forward gracefully

They get within an arrow's shot of the terrified humans before raising their trumpets and blaring their conch shells. One rides forth, covered in all sorts of armor and feathers and shit and produces a tablet.

"MAKE WAY FOR THE ORDO TRICERA!"

The cavepeople look past the scouts and see massive shapes approaching, the source of the quaking ground. Soon they are able to make out Triceratops warriors, titanic and proud, riding their mighty Anklyosaur steeds. They wear armor which augments their natural defensive capabilities(i.e. having spiked shields for faces) Their spikes stick out of holes in the plate, and capped with things like maces, torches, or more spikes. They ride forward and stop. The deinonychus herald shouts again.

"The Ordo Tricera requests a parley with the leader of this village!"

Reluctantly, the chieftain of the village makes his way forward through the crowd. He takes a look at the leader of the Triceratops, a massive behemoth with gold armor, and bows.

"W-what brings the mighty dinosty of Tricera to this humble and inconsequential village, my lord?"

With surprising grace, the Triceratops in gold plate dismounts swiftly and approaches the chieftain. He takes off his helmet and looks at the bowing human.

"We have need of your land." The leader states plainly.

"W-what, my lord?" the chieftain stammers. "This valley has long been known to house nothing but smoke and ash...even y-you can see that-"

"Our scientists have discovered a precious substance under the ground. It is an unimaginably powerful energy source. In fact, its use seems to be only restrained by the limits of the wielder. If it as powerful as the Iguanadon caste proclaims, it could lead us to a new age. This valley..." he motions all around. "...was discovered to house vast amounts of this substance. We need this area."

"B-but m'lord, this is our tribe's only territory. If you push us off we will have no where to-..."

The Triceratops cuts him off again. "You will be compensated. We need human hands to excavate the precious substance from the ground. In exchange for working for us, we will allow you to relocate to areas held by the Tricera Empire. Of course..." he motions to the herald, which rides forward and throws down what looks like huge slab of steak. The elder's eyes bulge at this and fights down an urge to reach out for it. "...we will provide for you..."

The elder looks at the steak, then to the head dino.

"Do we have a deal?" The Triceratops says in his retardedly low voice, looking down at the human.

"O-of course..."

"Good. We will send representatives shortly."

"This all sounds wonderful, but why ask us? You dinos are undoubtedly stronger and able, why do you require our aid?"

The Triceratops, puts on his helmet and remounts his Anklyosaur.

"Don't forget, the Tyrannosaurs are as uncompromising as ever. As much as we would like to unite the tribes, they and their blasted raptor lackeys resist to the end. They want the precious substance to further their own goals. We're on the verge of bloodshed and need all able-bodied dinos to hold the territories. Who knows," the Triceratops smiles under his helmet. "Perhaps one day even you mammels will be able to fight in the grand dino armies!"

LEAD DINO kicks the anklosaur's thick hide, who turns around. The heralds blast their trumpets for no reason once more, then turn to leave. The rest of the army follows suit, leaving the humans in their dust.

[Magic Juan]

"and he puts a foot on a rock, looking impressively like some feral Fabio." Hahaha!