Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Vinny]

Violence 6: The Hearts of Men
Violence 7: Rumblings of War
Violence 8: Protecting Precious People
Violence 9: Burning Hot-Blooded Rhythm Spirit
Violence 10: The Voice of God, Maeda Akira

[Vinny]

“Eyaaaah … the girls of Edogawa High girls sure are the cuuutest …” Arakaki Bunzo’s blonde-haired goon utters while watching a girl in a green sailor uniform walk past.

“Check out her tits!” the red-afro’d lackey chimes in, nervously adjusting his sunglasses. “Imagine puttin’ ya face between her legs …”

“Geh heh … check out dat one,” a chubby, bald delinquent adds while wringing his hands, “I hear they getting’ rid of da sailor suits.”

“W-What the hell?!” the sunglasses goon shouts, grabbing the bulky lackey by his collar in rage. “You better not be fuckin’ like, you shit …”

“I know,” he smacks away the goon’s hand, “An ass like dat won’t be the same without dat sexy sailor suit.”

The three Junction Star goons are squatting across the street of the gates of Edogawa High as school lets out. Behind them is Bunzo Arakaki, watching intently from the cover of shadow. Just like every evening, the Bunzo gang comes to wallow in their perverted desires.

“You shouldn’t talk like that, Yoneji …” Bunzo mutters from the shadows. A single cloud passes overhead in the orange evening sky. Cicadas can be heard faintly chirping. “Women are beautiful, this is a fact! But the vast oceans of their beauty extend far beyond that of just their breasts and their butts …”

“Eh? I guess they got some nice legs, too …” the blonde goon runs his hand through his pompadour.

“Their cheeks, eyes, ears, nose, lips, shoulders, hips, hands, fingers, fingernails …” Bunzo takes a deep breath. “Ankles … feet … toes …” Arakaki Bunzo fingers twitch as he imagines himself chasing the girls of Edogawa, his pants around his angles, popping a boner every time they squeal in fright.

”B-Boss …” the bulky Yoneji goon stammers. Bunzo has his hand shoved wrist-deep in his slacks, furiously playing with his dick.

“Women truly are …” Bunzo recites a line he’s said countless times, his cheeks flushed and sweat dripping down his forehead, “… the most glorious creatures in the world.”

“He truly is the King of Perverts …” the lackeys collectively think.

VIOLENCE 6: The Hearts of Men

The assembled lechers continue watching despite the crowd of exiting students is now growing thin. The bulky goon rises to his feet, dusting off his knees.

“Maybe we missed her …”

Then suddenly, a GLEAM OF LIGHT catches his eye. The Bunzo gang is captivated when one girl with raven black hair that hangs down to her calves exits through the front door of Edogawa High. She seems to glide across the concrete walkway as if she were skating on ice. Sparkles surround her as her hair hangs almost weightlessly in the air.

“A-Awesome! It’s her! The blossom of Edogawa!”

THE BLOSSOM OF EDOGAWA: SAKAMOTO SAKURA

“T-that figure …” the blonde pompadour-sporting lackey salivates. “Her cup size … I g-gotta know it …”

“Shigeuji! I won’t allow such disrespectful words uttered in the presence of Sakura-chan …” Bunzo points.

You’re the one strokin’ your dick … Shigeuji thinks. “If you like her so much, maybe you should talk to her?” Bunzo tenses up, a comically oversized sweat drop appearing on his brow. The other lackeys instantly grin and lean in towards Bunzo.

“Ohhh yeaaah … didn’t they use to call you Romeo Arakaki at your old school, boss?” the red afro’d goon, Katsuji, sneers.

“I … I …” Bunzo begins to stutter.

“Yeah, I thought you was a genius at love, Arakaki-san!” Yoneji chuckles. Arakaki Bunzo’s eyes shadow over and he clenches a fist. Standing up from behind the bushes, he triumphantly shouts “I’ll do it!!”

“You’ve gotta be kidding!” Shigeuji’s jaw drops. “Your chance is success is less than 1%!” Bunzo marches forward across the street, swaggering in a manly way. Bunzo’s seems to have summoned all the courage in Japan!

”BUNZOOO!” KATSUJI HOWLS, “Your pants!” Bunzo looks down to see his pants has fallen from not buckling his belt after playing with himself, his dick hanging out. He nimbly dashes behind the wall of the front gate of Edogawa before Sakura spots him. As she exits the front gate, she sees Bunzo propped up against the wall, nonchalantly smoking a cigarette.

“You’re Sakamoto Sakura, right?” Bunzo asks, not opening his eyes. Sakura holds her books to her chest and nods. Thump thump thump beats Bunzo’s heart.

“He’s made da first step!” Yoneji whispers from behind the bushes.

“L-Look, my friends are watching so don’t slap me when I ask this …” his façade begins to crumble. Thumpthumpthump

“But w-will you …” his fist tightens. Thumpthumpthumpthumpthump “g-go out with me …”

“Did he ask?! What’s her reaction?!” Shigeuji screams to himself.

“I’d love to!” she responds cheerfully. FWOOOOM! Bunzo’s lackeys look like they’ve been struck with lightning.

”Him … of all people …” Katsuji trembles. Bunzo’s knees buckle at the response and he falls face first into her titties. The goons explode once again.

“F-FAILURE!” SHIGEUJI UTTERS. Bunzo springs backwards off her BOOBS and back flips in fright. He tries to stammer out an excuse but can’t.

“Are you okay?” she asks sincerely, light bubbles floating in the background. When Bunzo sees her, soft music plays and his vision looks as if it’s been smeared with Vaseline. Bunzo nods repeatedly. “Maybe we should go to S W I N GB A B Y! It’s in Edogawa, do you know of it?” Bunzo continues to nod, his cheeks flushed. He tells him to meet her there and 7, then giggles before running home. Once she’s out of sight, the Bunzo gang rushes from the bushes and surround their disoriented leader.

“IT’S A DATE!”

But out in the shadows of the building lurks an imposing figure who was watching what had just transpired. Around 6’4”, what’s visible of the man looks fearsome, his red pompadour jutting out from the darkness into the light …

-----

Bunzo sits patiently at the American style diner Sakura invited him to. SWING BABY! clumsily mashes together American culture from numerous decades. As customers chow down on cheeseburgers topped with fried eggs, the docile tones of surf rock aids their digestion. Bunzo drums his fingers on the table nervously while sipping his malt. His trio of lackeys sit a the opposite end of the restaurant, conspicuously wearing sunglasses.

Then Sakamoto Sakura enters, instantly brightening up the room as the light around her shimmers. Bunzo immediately leaps to his feet and points to the booth they’re seating at.

“To be honest, I’m a little surprised you agreed to go out on a date with me …” Bunzo averts his eyes. “Despite the aura of masculinity I carry with me, I’m not so good … talking to women …”

“I like you, Bunzo. You seem different than other guys, but I can’t place it …”

“That fucking bastard …” Katsuji whispers to his comrades. “How lucky can you be …”

“If he gets to second base, I’ll swear to God I’ll disembowel myself,” Shigeuji mutters, brandishing a knife for effect.

“He can’t … he jus’ can’t!” Yoneji grips the edge of his table, “It’s impossible!”

Bunzo lifts his eyes up to the table and nods his head slowly, as if he’s decided to do something. He then reaches over the table and grabs Sakura’s hands. Bunzo then locks eyes with Sakura and stares deeply into them. Sakura’s cheeks redden slightly.

“This may be unusually forward,” Bunzo begins, “but you’ve made me very happy just coming here tonight. Before this moment, I think there was an empty space in my heart. It was a place of sorrows and regrets, but now, that feeling seems to be fading away. I may not be that strong, Sakura, but looking at you, I get this desire to always protect you … !”

Sakura is stunned. Her eyes drift down to the side, and she turns away slightly from Bunzo. There is a look of sadness on her face. Suddenly, a THIRD HAND reaches down and grabs Bunzo and Sakura’s interlocked fists.

“Am I interrupting something?” a shadowy figure grins. It’s the same man from before, the RED POMPADOURED EDOGAWA HIGH STUDENT. His green uniform strains against his muscular physique. His lips form a grin although his face cannot hide the rage boiling inside him.

”W-Who the hell are you?” Bunzo slaps his hand away. The red pompadour asshole sneer is unrelenting.

“The important question is, why does a low-life Junction Star fuck get off thinking he can hold her hand? Huuuuh?” he says, leaning in close to Bunzo.

“Please don’t do this …” Sakura utters weakly. The man ignores her.

“That ugly face of yours … it’s pissing me the fuck off …” the pompadour man grabs Bunzo by his hair and SLAMS HIM FACE DOWN into the table. Sakura screams and grabs onto the man’s arm, trying to pull him off futilely.

“B-BOSS!” the Bunzo-gumi think in unison.

“Nope … that didn’t do it … I’M STILL TOO FUCKING ANGRY,” the man spots the hand that held Sakura’s. Instantly, he grabs a fork and pins BUNZO’S HAND to the TABLE.

“AGGH! Damnit!” Bunzo shouts, clutching the hand with a fork jammed through it. As Sakura tries to force him off, the man swats her to the ground.

“S-Shit! We can’t stand here any longer and watch the boss get his ass beat …” Shigeuji rises up from his seat, whipping off his sunglasses.

“Dat’s right! We gotta help!” Yoneji adds.

“Especially with such a pretty girl watching,” Katsuji rises up from the booth.

The pompadoured man continues wailing on Bunzo’s face, breaking his nose and chipping his teeth until suddenly his FIST is RESTRAINED by the red afro’d lackey, Katsuji!

“Bring it on, you Edogawa piece of shit! You face the infamous Jijiji trio of Junction Star High!” Katsuji shouts. The Bunzo-gumi dashes forward, fists extended, while screaming “ORAAAA!” The red pompadoured man dodges the blows expertly and COUNTERS with a SINGLE CLOTHESLINE that hits ALL THREE GOONS AT ONCE. BOOOOOM! The MIGHTY ARM carries the THREE LACKEYS by their THROATS and sends them SPINNING THROUGH THE AIR before crashing through some tables.

“F-Failure …” Shigeuji whimpers. The other two groan in response.

“Haha … I’m still too pissed off,” the pompadoured man says to himself. He turns to the bleeding and battered Bunzo with Sakura clutching him tightly. The man’s mouth hangs open before he is OVERTAKEN with even MORE RAGE.

“SAKURA! What the fuck are you doing?! This bastard doesn’t deserve your warm embrace!” The man’s hand LUNGES FORWARD and GRABS SAKURA by her COLLAR, lifting her up to eye level.

“This is enough, nii-chan!”

“N-Nii-chan?” Bunzo weakly mutters.

“Sakamoto and that man … are siblings?!” Shigeuji says.

THE CORPSE FLOWER OF EDOGAWA: SAKAMOTO HISOKA

“Sakura … I can’t believe you’d lower yourself to associating with such trash!” Hisoka says through clenched teeth. “Why do you have to make me so angry.”

“Put her down you son of a bitch …” BUNZO stumbles to his feet. Grabbing the end of the fork, HE YANKS it out of his HAND sending a JET of BLOOD through out the air. Veins begin popping up all over the flame-pompadoured Hisoka. “I don’t give a shit if you two are brother and sister. If you touch her again, I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”

“B-BUNZO, DON’T!” SAKURA CRIES. Hisoka drops his sister and HURLS HIMSELF FORWARD, THROWING A STEAM-DRENCHED PUNCH TOWARDS BUNZO. BUNZO, TOO, RACES FORWARD, THROWING AN UPPERCUT TOWARDS HISOKA.

”BUNZOOOO!” SAKURA SHOUTS. HISOKA’S FIST BURIES ITSELF INTO BUNZO’S SKULL, CAUSING BLOOD TO SQUIRT FROM HIS ORIFICES. BUNZO’S FIST CONTINUED TO SAIL UPWARDS BUT ONLY ENDED UP TAPPING HISOKA’S CHIN WEAKLY. With blood pouring from his face, Bunzo collapses in a heap.

“How can you be such a monster, brother?!” Sakurai utters, tears streaming down her cheeks.

”I’m only protecting you, Sakura. One day you’ll understand that,” Hisoka replies.

DING DONG sounds the bell attached to the door of SWING BABY! Hisoka turns his head to the man entering, a giant clad in a Hawaiian shirt. A bucket hat, long, blonde hair, and shadows obscures his eyes. Leaning under the door frame, he enters the restaurant and surveys the destruction.

“Who the FUCK ARE YOU?!” HISOKA FUMES. ANDY raises a single finger and wags it.

“TSK TSK TSK.”

NEXT ISSUE: THE TITAN ANDY FACES OFF WITH THE HOT-BLOODED HISOKA FROM EDOGAWA HIGH! WHO WILL BE THE VICTOR?!

[Big Fagot]

Your cover pages are very high quality.

[Vinny]

Thanks!

[Vinny]

“Who the FUCK ARE YOU?!” Hisoka turns to the American giant Andy. Andy raises a single finger and wags it, muttering “Tsk tsk tsk” in a super deep voice.

As Bunzo slips into unconscious, the Jijiji trio watches on in amazement. Even retards like them can feel the INTENSE PRESSURE emanating from these two warriors.

“Wait a minute, you must be Andy, the Bancho (School Boss) of Joto!” Hisoka smirks, his flame-red pompadour bouncing slightly from the small facial movement. “You must be a fool to challenge me.”

Andy doesn’t respond.

“Tseh … I’m way too pissed off … and I don’t relieve it soon,” a vein bulges in Hisoka’s neck. “Fuck it, I’ll go to war with JOTO just so I can beat your fucking ass!” And with that, the CORPSE FLOWER of EDOGAWA spins on one heel, USING his OTHER LEG to HURL a BLINDING KICK aimed for the top of ANDY’S HEAD. Andy RAISES HIS FOREARMS just in time to BLOCK THE ATTACK. The sheer force sends ripples through his arms and STEAM into the air. Suddenly, ANDY’S BUCKET HAT is cleaved in TWO, falling off his head along with a scant few BLONDE HAIRS. A small trickle of blood runs down his forehead.

“You’re starting to realize my strength now, right?” Hisoka chuckles.

VIOLENCE 7: The Rumblings of War

“I can’t believe that Sakamoto Hisoka is Sakura’s sister!” Shigeuji says from his prone position on SWING BABY!’s floor.

”Wait a minute, you know about this prick?!” Yoneji asks.

“Yes, this man is the 2nd strongest in Edogawa High, meaning he must be one of the strongest in all of Tokyo,” Shigeuji says, the background behind him turning purple and all distorted as he speaks. “They call him the Corpse Flower of Edogawa …”

“C-Corpse Flower?!” Yoneji and Katsuji repeat in unison.

“Yes. Despite his actions here, Hisoka is normally a calm and reserved person. It’s only when men talk to his sister that his lurking rage bubbles to the surface. He’s so protective of her that if a guy even touches her he’ll beat them ‘til them to a pulp. They call him the Corpse Flower ‘cause when his fury causes him to bloom, the room stinks of death.”

An image flashes through the Jijiji trio’s mind: Hisoka standing in a room full of bodies.

“Although Andy is strong, with Hisoka as angry as he is now, I’m not sure he has a chance …”

Hisoka LIFTS his HEEL off of Andy’s forearms revealing LARGE PURPLE WELTS left from the blow. Immediately Hisoka pulls back his FOOT and LAUNCHES ANOTHER BLOW, this time going straight for Andy’s TORSO like a SPEAR. Andy crosses his ARMS and PUSHES down on Hisoka’s leg, trying to knock the kick off target but it STILL CONNECTS, driving itself into ANDY’S ABS and sending him SKIDDING BACKWARDS on the HEELS OF HIS SANDALS. Like his arms, a FOOT-SHAPED BRUISE is left on Andy’s stomach. Andy merely stands up straight, his arms hanging at his sides, seemingly unfazed by the attack!

“UWOOOH!” Yoneji exclaims, “He’s still standin’ after an attack like dat!”

“Heh heh … I think the only way I can calm down is if I see that fucking face of yours wracked in agony,” Hisoka cackles. LEAPING FORWARD, his FLAMING RED HAIR blown back by his SPEED, he unleashes a TORRENT OF BLOWS. Andy HUNKERS DOWN with his RIGHT ARM in FRONT, absorbing the VICIOUS BLOWS. A HOOK comes in an overhead arc, like a REVERSE uppercut, and CRASHES into the FOREARM. A knee drives itself DEEP into his arm, ALMOST TOUCHING the BONE. And a FLURRY of FISTS continue to add bruises. But Andy shows no emotion!

Hisoka steps back, his grin still not fading, and attempts to catch his breath.

“Is that your limit,” Andy speaks for the first time.

“My limit? You fucking bastard!” HISOKA SCREAMS. Crouching down and standing on the balls of his feet, Hisoka LEAPS LIKE A PANTHER and SPINS IN MID-AIR, EXECUTING a PSYCHO CRUSHER-ESQUE TORPEDO ATTACK. As Sakura and the Bunzo-gumi watch in horror, HISOKA COLLIDES with ANDY’S ARMS and DRIVES TWO FISTS into ANDY’S GUARD. The tiled floor under ANDY’S FEET SNAPS as the FORCE of the BLOW is SENT THROUGH his SYSTEM. Despite all of that, HISOKA’S ELBOWS buckle and he drops to the ground. THE ATTACK FAILED!

“I-Incredible! Andy took that head-on!” Katsuji says.

“That guard of yours is pretty good, but it won’t last very-GOOOMPH!!” HISOKA’S FACE CAVES in AS A VICIOUS FLICKER DRIVES ITSELF INTO HIS FACE. The inside of HISOKA’S RIGHT CHEEKS is knocked inside his MOUTH so HARD it actually COMES OUT his MOUTH. Hisoka crashes onto the diner’s counter, a few teeth lose and blood dripping from his forehead.

“W-What the hell was that?! I couldn’t even see it!” Shigueji shouts, his sunglasses slipping from his face in awe.

“It looked like a jab ... but he had to have been six feet away! There’s no way that could have hit …” Katsuji adds.

“It was the F L I C K E R …” Yoneji says.

“F L I C K E R?”

”Yeah, an American boxin’ technique, most famously employed by Thomas 'The Hitman” Hearns …' Yoneji says, “It not only has increased speed, but also power and incomparable range! But even that didn’t look just like any F L I C K E R. He leaned and moved his body with his fist to get dat extra range … it was a BULLWHIP.”

“Bullwhip …”

Sakura puts her hands over her mouth as she watches her brother, a man she thought invincible, pull himself off the counter. The employees back away as he tries to stand back up.

“Is that your limit?” Andy repeats. Hisoka, panting heavily, looks down at his hands. His knuckles are all completely broken. Both of his feet feel numb. In fact, his body seems to be more damaged than Andy’s is! Frustration begins to BOIL INSIDE HIM, igniting more rage. Suffering from utter defeat, he begins to convulse.

“I have to kill you …” Hisoka says, trembling, “I won’t be the same until you DIE!!” HE LEAPS OVER the COUNTER AND GRABS A CLEAVER HANGING ON THE WALL. LEAPING INTO THE AIR, HE SWINGS THE CLEAVER DOWN AT ANDY’S HEAD.

“NII-CHAN, NOOO!!” SAKURA CRIES OUT.

SPRLT! A bolt of blood sails through the air.

“W-What the hell … ?” Hisoka looks down, dumbfounded. His cleaver is stuck in Andy’s arm, but only by a quarter of an inch at best. He swung down with everything he had but he barely was able to cut him. That’s when he notices it …

“It can’t be …” Andy’s entire right arm is covered in thick calluses.

“Let me ask you … what’s better, speed or strength?” Andy mutters, “Offense or defense?” Hisoka cannot respond. “The answer is neither! Without one, the other is completely useless.”

Andy flashes back to his days as an amateur boxer in America. Andy was known for my peculiar defense style that employed only the use of his right arm. Despite what most would perceive as an incredible disadvantage, Andy was able to parry all blows sent at him and his arm could withstand even the strongest of blows! He even once sparred with Mike Tyson and even his bone-shattering attacks weren’t able to penetrate his guard.

Overtime, Andy noticed calluses formed from the harsh conditions of relying on that arm to defend. Soon his arm lost almost all feeling. He visited three different doctors that examined his arm and their diagnosis was always the same: the arm was dead! But despite all of that, his arm continued to grow stronger. Employing rigorous weight training, his arm soon became composed almost entirely of slow-twitch muscle fibers. These fibers had slow reaction time but had great power and endurance. This arm became Andy’s shield.

A shield is superimposed over his hulking right arm.

But as without offense, defense is pointless. Knowing this, Andy trained his left arm in such a way that is became composed almost entirely of fast-twitch muscle fibers. Andy’s Bullwhip Flicker is only the tip of the iceberg in regards to what he’s capable. The left arm’s blinding speed and quick bursts of power make it Andy’ sword.

Together, they form an unbeatable team.

BOOM BOOM BOOM! ANDY NAILS THREE VICIOUS JABS that SEND HISOKA FLOATING OFF THE GROUND, BLOOD SPIRALING FROM HIS NOSE. The left arm is to penetrate the enemy’s defense and to leave them unable to respond, setting them up for one final blow from the shield. WHIPPING HIS ARM OUT, he YANKS HISOKA out of MID-AIR and PULLS HIM FORWARD. ANDY’S RIGHT IS FLUNG FORWARD, SLOWLY MOVING THROUGH THE AIR WHILE CARRYING A BEHEMOTH AMOUNT OF POWER BEHIND IT. THE AIR WHISTLES AS THE ARM CUTS THROUGH IT. AS IT CLOSES IN ON HISOKA’S FACE, ANDY HEAR’S A VOICE.

“Your fists should be used to help people … to make change …” The voice is Kenjiro’s.

ANDY snaps back to REALITY as he hears SAKURA’S CRY. ANDY GROANS as he PULLS BACK HIS FIST, FEELING AS IF HE WERE TRYING TO STOP A SPEEDING TRAIN. The WIND off his KNUCKLES hits HISOKA in the FACE and INFLATES HIS CHEEKS. Andy drops Hisoka onto the ground in a heap and Sakura rushes over to her brother.

Andy looks at his right arm and watches the veins slowly recede. He turns to Bunzo, who is struggling to his feet. He staggers over to Sakura who is tending to her brother.

“Sakura … it looks like I already broke my promise …” Bunzo smiles.

“I’m sorry, Bunzo. I only went on the date with you since my brother keeps everyone so terrified that no guy ever approaches me. I just liked the attention, I guess. My selfishness is unforgivable …”

“Tch, I should’ve known …” Bunzo lights a cigarette. “You’re better off without me. Bad luck has a way of finding me, I guess.” As he tries to leave the diner like a bad ass, he collapses back onto the ground. Andy lifts him up like a baby and carries him out the door.

“Damnit, Andy … you’re making me look so uncool …” Bunzo begins to bawl like a baby. “Who asked for your help anyway!”

Sakura helps Hisoka up and the two leave the diner. Then the police arrive and arrest the Bunzo-gumi.

“So unfaaaaair!” they cry in unison.

-----

“OSU! OSU! OSU!” Inside the gymnasium of Edogawa High are Edogawa’s Ouendan (Cheer Squad). Men in black with green trim outfits, beating drums and screaming their fucking heads off fill the halls with MANLY FERVOR. It is almost midnight, but Edogawa’s Ouendan trains even into the morning. It is this devotion that has left them with lungs three times as powerful as the average human’s and a indestructible voice box. But more importantly, it is this Ouendan where the Edogawa’s Bancho resides.

BAM! The Ouendan members turn their heads to see Hisoka kicking through the door. His body is covered in bandages and his arm is in a sling. The team steps back to let 2nd strongest, the Corpse Flower of Edogawa, through. He is only able to take ten paces before he collapses onto his knees in front of the leader of the cheer squad.

“Bancho, you have to help me …” Hisoka cries out.

“How dare you interrupt our training by coming in here in such a pathetic state. You’re disrupting our sanctuary of masculinity,” the Edogawa Bancho and cheer squad leader speaks from the shadows while sitting on top of a gigantic Taiko drum. In his hands he wields an eight foot long Bachi drumstick used to strike the drum. Although his appearance is difficult to judge due to the shadows, this man seems of great stature. His shoulders span four feet and his height is over 7 feet tall. Most striking is his aura, an overwhelming pressure filled with testerone.

“P-Please forgive me, Bancho, but this is an emergency!” Hisoka bows, pressing his forehead against the gym floor. “Tonight I tried to protect my sister from some Junction Star scum and the Bancho from Joto High attacked me without warning! It seems Joto High and Junction Star High have aligned themselves.”

“And you want me to battle this Andy?” the Bancho says in a rumbling voice as he strokes his coarse, black beard.

“Yes, please! Restore some honor to me and my sister!”

“If this man was able to defeat you, he must be very strong … and very manly,” the Bancho leans forward, a tattered school cap on his head obscuring his eyes.

“He is very manly, indeed. He is a tall and powerful American, with thick chest hair!”

“Intriguing!” the Bancho leaps from the drum and lands on the floor, his impact quaking the ground ever so slightly. “Glorious combat between to paragons of manhood … nothing is more exciting!”

EDOGAWA HIGH BANCHO: MAEDA AKIRA

NEXT ISSUE: THE BANCHO OF EDOGAWA HIGH MAKES HIS APPEARANCE! THE WAR BETWEEN SCHOOLS BEGINS!

[Rice]

Man, Bunzo needs a fuckin' break!

[Vinny]

Tragedy will always follow Bunzo.

[Vinny]

Diligently the American hulk Andy places half a dozen bags of soil across his expansive shoulders and carries them into the back of Ichiban Flower Shop. He unloads a total of 500 pounds in mere minutes before his task is complete. Dragging his hairy forearm across his brow, he plops down on a bench outside the entrance.

“Now now, you don’t need to work so hard,” a kind-looking, middle-aged woman says as she approaches Andy with a bowl of rice. This is owner of Ichiban Flower Shop and Andy’s host mother during his stay in Japan.

“It’s alright, I don’t mind. You’ve done a lot for me …” Andy replies in a super low tone while clamping a hunk of rice with his chopsticks. He places the rice in his mouth as shadows obscure his facial features. “Your rice really is the best, Mrs. Tachibana …”

The two finish their delicious rice and Andy takes the dishes to the sink. As he begins to wash them, Tachibana suddenly grabs Andy’s wrist.

“What’s this?” she asks, pulling up the sleeve of his uniform to reveal the numerous scars across his arm. “You’ve been fighting again, haven’t you?” Andy is ashamed, but you can’t tell because he never changes expressions.

“Andy, you shouldn’t be using violence. Those arms of yours are your gift, you shouldn’t be squandering it,” Mrs. Tachibana tells him. “Don’t you listen to what I say?”

Andy grabs his coat off of his chair and heads for the door. As he opens it, he pauses and turns to his host mother.

“You said … that I should use these fists to protect people who are dear to me, right?” Andy lifts up his scarred fist. “But until recently, the only person I cared about was myself.”

VIOLENCE 8: Protecting Precious People

“Shit, this is such a pain …” Bunzo murmurs, his head patched up haphazardly with band-aids and his arm in a cast. “That Hisoka bastard, I should’ve killed him.”

Arakaki Bunzo carefully descends the stairs into the subway terminal. Thinking of Hisoka, his thoughts naturally drift on Hisoka’s sister, Sakura. His cheeks turn flush and his nostrils flare out as he remembers her.

”Aiyeee, she smelled so sweet,” Bunzo speaks aloud, making the other people waiting for the subway a little uncomfortable, “but I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Love sure is cruel …”

BZZZZ. Bunzo’s cell phone vibrates as Ayane Kawasaki’s smash hit “Love Dance Panties” plays. Bunzo snatches the phone from his pocket and flips it open. “NEW TEXT MESSAGE” it reads.

“Wait a minute … this is from … Sakura?!” Bunzo begins to sweat.

Bunzo, I’m very sorry for what my brother did to you. That was completely unforgiveable. I was thinking about you last night and I’d really like to see you again. Maybe I’d feel better if I were to apologize in person.

Please come down to the abandoned rock quarry in Edogawa.

- Sakura d(*⌒▽⌒*)b

THUMP THUMP THUMP. Bunzo can feel his heart bashing against the inside of his chest.

A secret lovers’ rendezvous?! Bunzo ponders as the subway train to the Junction Star ward of Tokyo arrives. Maybe she was inspired by my bravery when I fought her brother, although I did get my ass kicked. Or maybe she just feels bad ... God daaamnit, I don’t know what to do! Come on Bunzo, at the very worst all she is going to do is apologize … but at the best … she may let you touch them …

Bunzo sees the terminal leading to Edogawa. He briefly looks back at the Junction Star train before dashing to the Edogawa subway.

I won’t be Bunzo the Coward any longer! I will unleash my desperate, all-or-nothing final attack of love against Sakamoto Sakura! A brilliant, beautiful act of romance that will steal her heart!

With his fists clenched, he hops onto the train to Edogawa. Then the train door closes on his boner and he screams comically as the subway car roars down the tunnel.

-----

“Geh heh heh, it’s done,” a heavily bandaged Hisoka snickers as he clutches the hot pink cell phone of his sister in his hands.

“You’re sure he’ll come?” Edogawa Bancho and cheer squad captain Maeda Akira asks, his massive beard and sideburns obscuring his face along with a bunch of shadows.

“That moron? Of course he will. The only question is if you can keep that foreigner at bay while I take my revenge,” Hisoka snaps the phone shut.

“I’ve sent some of my men to the Koto ward,” Maeda Akira pulls down his tattered cap that merges with his thick mane of jet-black hair.

“You do realize who you’re dealing with, right? I’m the second strongest at Edogawa and he defeated me! A few of your men won’t be able to stop h-!” Maeda immediately brandishes a tiny fan and covers Hisoka’s mouth with it.

“That’s the point. I want to fight him, Hisoka. But gratifying myself immediately by battling such a masculine specimen … that would ruin it. Us men of Edogawa know how to restrain our desires,” Maeda says with his arms folded and his eyes shut, “I just want to wait a little longer … before I destroy him …”

-----

The sun is setting as Andy walks through Koto park on his way to work. This is where Andy would come to contemplate the mysteries of life after school. He comes upon an old bench, and his mind is flooded with images.

A slightly younger Andy, clad in a tiger-striped shirt and gym shorts sits on that very same bench in the park, eating a triple cheeseburger. Just then, a small family walks along the cobblestone path and comes across Andy.

“Daddy, what’s wrong with him? Why is his hair that color?” the little girl says. The father quickly silences her and the family walks off as Andy continues to sadly munch on his cheeseburger.

“YOOOOO! IT’S YANKEE JOE!” a Joto High goon suddenly appears behind Andy and leans over his shoulder, “You enjoying that H A M B U R G E R, you foreigner piece of shit?”

Andy continues to chew on his burger, his eyes shadowed over, as the goon persists in SNEERING and getting in Andy’s fucking face.

“H E YY O U D I C K H E A D ! Can you hear me?!” the Joto goon screams, spitting all over Andy’s goddamned food. Andy fists clench and MUSTARD AND KETCHUP begin squirting out of the burger as an AURA BUILDS AROUND ANDY. In one swift move, ANDY BURIES HIS MASSIVE WHITE ARM into the Joto goon’s FACE, sending him flying into a tree.

Andy looks down at his trembling fist, in awe at the power it contains.

Andy snaps from his flashback and looks over the very same hand that destroyed that goon, faint traces of the rage that used to fill him still remaining.

“H E L L O, A N D Y !” Andy whips his head around to see five of Edogawa’s Ouendan approaching him, lead pipes and baseball bats resting on their shoulders and COOL GREEN BANDANAS TIED around their heads. “It looks like you’ve made some enemies at Edogawa! GET ‘EM!”

The FIVE GOONS RUSH FORWARD, howling “ERYAAAH!” and “ORAAAAA!” as Andy stands motionless before them. Gracefully, he dodges the storm of blows and the goons REGROUP, FORMING A CIRCLE AROUND HIM.

“He’s just a fucking foreigner! He’s no match for the burning manly strength of the EDOGAWA CHEER SQUAD!” That GOON LEAPS INTO THE AIR, swinging down his LEAD PIPE towards Andy’s head.

You should only use your fists to protect a precious person, Andy hears inside his head. At the last second he slides out of the way and the PIPE SPLITS OPEN ANOTHER’S GOON’S HEAD, spurting BLOOD into the AIR.

“Uhhh, I-I didn’t mean to!” the goon DROPS HIS PIPE. TWO OTHER EDOGAWA HIGH DELIQUENTS RUSH FORWARD and SWING THEIR BASEBALL BATS. Andy SQUATS DOWN and they HOMERUN SWING ONE ANOTHER’S HEADS, LIBERATING TEETH FROM THEIR SKULLS. The last goon NERVOUSLY RUSHES FORWARD, swinging his HUNK OF WOOD futilely as Andy parries the attacks. The bushwhacker JETS FORWARD for ONE LAST SWING and ANDY merely trips him, causing the GOON to fall and bust his head open on the cobblestone walkway.

The last GOON, trembling in fear, nearly BACKFLIPS when ANDY’S DEMONIC GLARE FOCUSES ON HIM. Before he can ESCAPE ANDY’S LONG ARM whips out and GRABS THE OUENDAN MEMBER by his COLLAR. He lifts him HIGH INTO THE AIR as the GOON KICKS WEAKLY.

“Come on, man, let me go! IT WAS JUST A JOKE!” the goon squirms as Andy effortlessly holds him aloft.

“Why did you and your Edogawa friends attack me?” Andy demands. The goon remains silent, except for his whining, so Andy latches his meaty paw around his throat.

“It was f-for Hisoka!” he replies. Andy’s grip tightens.

”That’s a lie. There’s at least thirty men in your cheer squad. A mere five of you wouldn’t have come alone. There’s another reason …”

The goon is squeezed so hard that he starts to pee a little.

“ALRIGHT, IT’S A DISTRACTION! WE’RE LEADING THAT BUNZO BASTARD INTO A TRAP AT EDOGAWA QUARRY! HISOKA IS GOING TO FINISH HIM OFF FOR GOOD!”

ANDY HURLS the GOON onto the bench so hard the delinquent actually breaks through the wood backing and crashes into the dirt. As Andy rushes off towards Edogawa, the goon speaks up.

“You can’t do anything, Andy … Maeda Akira is waiting there for you …” the bushwhacker says weakly. “You can’t be him, you can never hope to defeat one of the GANG OF FOUR!”

Those three words halt Andy in his tracks. He lifts a clenched fist up to his chest.

“It doesn’t matter if I win or lose, I have to try,” Andy utters all stoically like a badass. “If I’m not going to use my fists to fight for Bunzo, then when will I?”

As Andy hurries to Edogawa, night has fallen and Bunzo finds himself at the rusted gate of Edogawa Quarry, where he is unknowingly about to be ambushed.

“He’s heeeere …” Hisoka cackles.

NEXT ISSUE: The combatants arrive at the rock quarry! Can Bunzo survive against the Corpse Flower of Edogawa?!

[Vinny]

“I’m finally here,” Bunzo leans on his knees in an attempt to catch his breath. His excitement wouldn’t afford him a leisurely pace to Sakura. “This is my last chance!”

Carefully, he pulls open the rusted gate to Edogawa Quarry. As he navigates through the darkness, surrounded on all sides by looming piles of stone, his feet splash through murky puddles.

“Sakura? Where are you?” Bunzo calls out. Bunzo reaches the center of the quarry and just when he’s about to give up hope he feels a heavy palm on his shoulder. “Oh, Sakura, you’re a little taller than I remember …”

“Sakura isn’t here, Bunzo.” Suddenly, a SPOTLIGHT mounted on one of the rock piles FLASHES ON, bathing Bunzo in blinding white light. Bunzo turns to see the MUMMIFIED FACE of THE CORPSE FLOWER OF EDOGAWA, SAKAMOTO HISOKA!

FWIP! IMMEDIATELY BUNZO SPRINGS BACK ON HIS HEELS out of HISOKA’S RANGE. He quickly surveys the quarry and notices EDOGAWA’S CHEER SQUAD is lining the top of every rock pile, effectively surrounding Bunzo! Bunzo wipes the sweat from his brow and sighs.

“What the hell did you do to Sakura, you bastard?” Bunzo snarls. Hisoka tosses an object to Bunzo, which he catches. It’s Sakura’s phone!

“Like my sister would have anything to do with a Junction Star piece of shit like you! I sent that text message to lure you here!” Hisoka says as he undoes the sling on his arm. He rotates his limb while wincing in pain before bringing his fists up into a boxing stance. “You won’t get away this time, Arakaki Bunzo!”

VIOLENCE 9: Burning Hot-Blooded Rhythm Spirit

Andy rushes through the streets of Edogawa, pushing through the diminutive Japanese as he makes a beeline towards the rock quarry. Reaching the outskirts, he sees a sign that says “Quarry: 1 Mile.”

Am I too late? Andy ponders briefly. He loses himself in his dash towards the quarry. Soon he sees the heavy iron gates of the quarry’s entrance. As he speeds up for the final stretch, he suddenly loses footing on the dirt pathway. Looking down, the EARTH IS CRUMBLING AROUND HIS FEET.

KAGRKKK! THE GROUND UNDER ANDY EXPLODES. AN OVERWHELMING PRESSURE WASHES OVER ANDY AND HE ATTEMPTS TO LEAP BACKWARDS. A DUST-SHROUDED HAND GRIPS ONTO ANDY’S THROAT AND SQUEEZES HIS TRACHEA. BURSTING OUT OF THE GROUND IS NONE OTHER THAN MAEDA AKIRA, EDOGAWA HIGH’S BANCHO AND CHEER SQUAD CAPTAIN!

“THAT IS HOW YOU MAKE A MASCULINE ENTRANCE, ANDY!!” MAEDA SAYS AS HE HOLDS ANDY INTO THE AIR. ANDY SWINGS HIS FEET DOWN BUT CANNOT TOUCH THE GROUND. THIS MONSTER IS EVEN TALLER THAN THE GARGANTUAN ANDY!

In DESPERATION, Andy places his SANDAL-COVERED FEET onto MAEDA’S CHEST and PUSHES OFF. Maeda doesn’t budge, his ONE LUMBERING ARM STILL SQUEEZING THE LIFE out of the AMERICAN. Lifting his left ARM, ANDY FLICKERS IT FORWARD ONLY to FIND IT CANNOT REACH ITS TARGET. Even the length of Maeda Akira’s arm is unbelievable!

“So CLUMSY! This is not how a man lives!” Maeda says, YANKING ANDY BACK. RUSHING FORWARD, HE DRIVES ANDY INTO THE GROUND WITH A CHOKESLAM!

“GUHHH!” Andy groans. Maeda releases his grip and POSES in CELEBRATION of his OWN TECHNIQUE.

“OSU!” MAEDA SHOUTS, SLAMMING A WOODEN-SANDALED FOOT INTO THE GROUND. THE SHEER FORCE OF HIS MOVE SENDS TREMORS THROUGH THE SOIL THAT KNOCK ANDY AN INCH OFF THE GROUND. Quickly REALIZING THE DISCREPANCY IN STRENGTH BETWEEN HIM and MAEDA, Andy somersaults TO HIS FEET and takes a CAUTIOUS STANCE.

“You are a shining example of manhood like they say,” Maeda folds his arms, nodding approvingly, “Although that stance is unbecoming! STICK OUT YOUR CHEST and LET OUT A CRY that LETS THE WORLD KNOW YOU ARE A MAN! OSU!!”

Wasting no time, ANDY SKIDS FORWARD on ONE HEEL and UNLEASHES a BARRAGE OF FLICKERS. Maeda makes no EFFORT to RETREAT out of ANDY’S RANGE and STANDS THERE, HIS CHEST PUFFED OUT. THWAP THWAP THWAP! THE SHARP BLOWS STRIKE MAEDA AKIRA’S CHEST, SLASHING OPEN HIS JET-BLACK CHEER SQUAD OUTFIT. THWAP THWAP CONTINUES ANDY’S BLOWS, NOW FOCUSING ON MAEDA’S FACE. But MAEDA doesn’t BUDGE, DOESN’T FLINCH! They are completely ineffective!

“Enough with the formalities, Andy! Such feminine strikes are boring me! Pour your HEART and SOUL into your fists!” MAEDA GRABS ANDY’S HAND, and TOSSES IT AWAY.

He’s right. These kind of punches won’t work on him. In fact, the muscles in my left arm are completely unsuited to this kind of battle, Andy thinks. Quickly, he spins around in one fluid motion and switches from leading with his left foot to his right. I’ll only be able to rely on my right in this battle!

“B U R N I N GR E V O L V E R !!” ANDY SCREAMS AS HE SPRINGS INTO THE AIR. WITH HIS FIST PARALLEL TO THE GROUND, HE WHIPS HIS ENTIRE BODY INTO A FLIP AND LUNGES HIS RIGHT ARM DOWN TOWARDS MAEDA’S SKULL. EVERY ONE OF ANDY’S SLOW-TWITCH MUSCLES UNLEASH THE FULL PAYLOAD OF THEIR POWER AS IT ZOOMS TOWARDS MAEDA’S SKULL. AS IT CLOSES IN, MAEDA GRINS WITH HIS EYES OBSCURED BY HIS TATTERED CHEER SQUAD CAP.

BOOOOOOOM! STEAM EJECTS FROM THE IMPACT POINT and MAEDA FLIES BACKWARD. As his FEET DIG INTO THE DIRT, BLOOD CASCADES DOWN HIS FOREHEAD. Maeda Akira slowly FALLS BACKWARD as Andy DROPS TO HIS FEET.

That did it! Andy thinks briefly before MAEDA suddenly CATCHES HIS BALANCE.

“NOT BAD,” MAEDA GRINS, his own blood dripping off the point of his beard. “LET ME RETURN THAT LOVE!” And with that oddly phrased statement, MAEDA HUNCHES OVER AND FLEXES. HIS OUENDAN UNIFORM EXPLODES OFF HIS BODY TO REVEAL THE MOST RETARDEDLY MUSCULAR BODY YOU’VE EVER SEEN. Muscles PILED on muscles PILED on muscles with a THICK COAT OF HAIR over them despite his Japanese ancestry! His ribs are wrapped in bandages for whatever reason and a thick rope acts as a belt for his pants. “You can take off your shirt, if you want,” Maeda says.

Andy is stunned. The Burning Revolver had barely scratched him.

-----

Back at the rock quarry, Hisoka pops his neck and loosens his joints as he slowly plods towards Bunzo.

“Andy won’t be here to save you this time, Bunzo,” Hisoka cackles, “Edogawa’s own Maeda Akira will be seeing to that!”

But Bunzo doesn’t respond. In fact, he just stands there frozen, shadows obscuring his facial features. Then suddenly, a SINGLE TEAR rolls down his cheek, glowing from the spotlight reflecting off of it.

“Ehhh? You’re crying now? Gah hah hah! Don’t worry, I’ll make it quick, Bunzo!” says Hisoka.

“Ha ha … I knew it was a trap, I knew there was no way it couldn’t be …” Bunzo laughs, tears streaming down his cheeks, “But I just didn’t want to believe it. I really hoped that Sakura would show up. What a fool I was …”

“Stop your fucking blathering, idiot!” HISOKA SPRINGS FORWARD, HIS FIST COCKED BACK. “You can lament over your love in HELL, BUNZO!”

“If only …” Bunzo brings his sleeve to his eyes as HISOKA IS ONLY A FEW FEET FROM HIM. Then suddenly, EVERYTHING TURNS WHITE! Hisoka SHIELDS HIS EYES FROM THE INTENSE LIGHT FROM THE SPOTLIGHT FOCUSING ON HIM.

“What the?! What the fuck are you idiots doing?!” Hisoka cries. The light fades and Hisoka looks up to see the LIGHT moving in an ARC UPWARDS. As the circle of light works its way up the rocky hills and into the sky, it moves backwards and CASTS THE SILHOUETTE OF A MAN AGAINST THE FOG.

”W-WHO IS THAT?!” HISOKA SHOUTS. THE SILHOUETTE OF THE MAN TURNS SIDEWAYS … REVEALING A POMPADOUR!!

“Now this is how you make an entrance!” KENJIRO POSES, HIS NUMEROUS TRINKETS GLOWING AS HE POSES, POINTING STRAIGHT AT HISOKA. THE CHEER SQUAD MEMBERS MANNING THE SPOTLIGHT ARE COLLAPSED AT HIS FEET.

“K-K-KENJIROOOO?!” HISOKA SHOUTS THROUGH CLENCHED TEETH. “YOU’VE COME TO AMBUSH ME?!”

“Wrong!” KENJIRO POINTS EVEN HARDER! “You have come here to fight Bunzo, to settle a dispute, right? I only arrived to make sure that these Edogawa pricks didn’t get involved! I wouldn’t harm you, I wouldn’t do that to Bunzo …”

“To Bunzo?” Hisoka says quizzically. He looks over to BUNZO WHO IS SQUATTING AND SNEERING.

“I didn’t come here to meet Sakura, Hisoka. I CAME HERE TO KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!!” BUNZO GIVES HIM THE MIDDLE FINGER. “NOW COME ON, YOU EDOGAWA PUSSY!”

NEXT ISSUE: BUNZO THE FIGHTER?! The two battles come to a shocking conclusion!

[Vinny]

“NOW COME ON YOU EDOGAWA PUSSY!” Bunzo gives HISOKA A DEFIANT FINGER. Hisoka stands there stunned. The cowardly Bunzo knew it was a trap all along and came anyway, so confident in his fighting ability that he’d fight him face to face! But Hisoka’s shocked expression slowly transforms to one of glee. The Edogawa Corpse Flower begins laughing uproariously!

“That’s fine, that’s fine! COME ON, DICKSHIT!” Hisoka shouts, bursting forward.

While Sakamoto Bunzo closes in on Arakaki Bunzo, Kenjiro turns to see the remaining 25 Edogawa Ouendan rushing towards him.

“WE CAN’T LET OUR MASCULINE PRIDE BE SHAME! KILL KENJIRO!” one cheer squad member screams, with the rest of them responding them with a deafening “OSU!” Kenjiro runs his hand through his pompadour and sighs.

“Tch, what a pain!” Kenjiro whips his head towards the throng of black-clad men and takes a fighting stance. “I guess it can’t be helped!”

VIOLENCE 10: The Voice of God, Maeda Akira

WHAM! Kenjiro drops a heel on a Ouendan goon, slamming him face first into a rock. Two more delinquents rush with giant Taiko drum sticks in a downward arc at Kenjiro. Junction Star’s Burning Heart slides in REAL CLOSE so that their descending elbows BREAK ON Kenjiro’s RISING SHOULDERS.

“ORAAA! DON’T LET UP!” the goons scream. Kenjiro DIGS THE TIP OF HIS FOOT into the RUBBLE BELOW and FLINGS IT FORWARD. The rocks are propelled at a HIGH VELOCITY and slam into a group of Ouendan, pummeling their bodies and leaving baseball-sized DENTS in their torsos. With the rest of the Edogawa Ouendan reluctant to continue their attack, Kenjiro turns to Bunzo.

I hope you have a plan, Bunzo …, Kenjiro thinks. And if that cheer squad captain isn’t here, then he surely must be ….

-----

SHOOOM! Maeda Akira unleashes a jolting uppercut into Andy’s guard. The blow is so fearsome that the knuckles grazing Andy’s forearms tear open his flesh, spraying blood into the air.

His blows are boring through my defense. If he keeps this up, he’s going to break through and land a fatal blow, thinks Andy. Andy spins inward past a BARRELING STRAIGHT and jams a HOOK into MAEDA’S LIVER. A little bit of FOAM squirts past AKIRA’S HUGE LIPS but he quickly recovers and CLUBS ANDY into the ground with his forearm.

“FUNGYAAAH!” AKIRA SHOUTS, JAMMING HIS FIST INTO THE GROUND as ANDY ROLLS TO SAFETY. PAH PAH PAH! Andy explodes ALTERNATING HOOKS into AKIRA’S RIBS but the attacks cannot penetrate the THICK WALLS of MUSCLE.

“BULGING TYPHOON!!” AKIRA SCREAMS AND EXECUTES A SPINNING LARIAT. DIRT AND TRASH and SHIT PICK UP AND SPIN AROUND MAEDA as the TORNADO OF MUSCLES CLOSES IN ON ANDY. HE PUTS UP THE GUARD and takes the BRUNT OF THE ATTACK, THE HUGE ARM CARRYING ANDY AROUND MAEDA IN A CIRCLE AS ANDY’S FEET TRACE A PATH IN THE DIRT. Once the SPINNING LARIAT CEASES, Andy squats down and COCKS BACK HIS RIGHT ARM as FAR AS POSSIBLE.

“R I O TB R I N G E R !” ANDY SCREAMS, HIS RIGHT ARM COVERED IN VEINS AND BULGING AND SHIT.

GOOOON! MAEDA AKIRA’S FACE CONTORTS IN AGONY AS ANDY’S FIST IS BURIED UP TO THE WRIST IN HIS GUT. As VOMIT WELLS UP in AKIRA’S THROAT, Andy yanks out his FIST from MAEDA’S IMPACTED GUT MANGLED.

Those steel ribs of his … it cost me my hand, but I’m finally making progress …. As Andy holds his broken fist, Maeda hurls his guts and POUNCES ON HIM. Without time to react, MAEDA AKIRA WRAPS HIS DONKEY KONG-LIKE ARMS AROUND ANDY AND LOCKS HIM IN THE BEARHUG!

BRRRRK! ANDY CAN HEAR HIS BONES CREAKING AS MAEDA AKIRA INTENDS TO BREAK HIM IN HALF. Andy RESISTS by HEADBUTTING Maeda but it PROVES COMPLETELY INEFFECTIVE. Maeda GRUNTS and his MUSCLES EXPAND FURTHER, so much that his PANTS EXPLODE OFF revealing a SUMO-ESQUE LOINCLOTH.

“JUST … RELAX … ANDY!” MAEDA SMILES, THEN FUCKING LOCKS LIPS WITH THE AMERICAN. ANDY CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. THE EDOGAWA BANCHO IS MAKING OUT WITH HIM!

Then suddenly, ANDY FEELS LIGHT-HEADED. HE FEELS LIKE HE’S DROWNING. HIS CHEST CAVES IN AS MAEDA USES HIS POWERFUL LUNGS TO SUCK THE AIR OUT OF ANDY’S LUNG, COLLAPSING THEM! Maeda Akira RELEASES Andy in a heap.

“Such a fine display of exuberant manhood, but enough is enough,” Maeda flexes for Andy as slobber dribbles from his lips and sparkles twinkle around his eyes. Andy struggles to pull himself from the ground as he slowly loses consciousness. “With one last bellow, I shall show you why they refer to me as THE VOICE OF GOD!”

-----

More and more Edogawa goons are FLUNG ACROSS THE QUARRY as Kenjiro unleashes a FLURRY OF MACH KICKS. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he turns to Bunzo who is DESPERATELY DODGING HISOKA’S WILD ATTACKS.

“STOP RUNNING, YOU COWARD! OUR FEUD ENDS TONIGHT!” Hisoka SCREAMS, SWINGING A ROUNDHOUSE KICK. Bunzo FALLS ON HIS ASS and begins SCOOTING BACKWARDS in the MUD to GET AWAY FROM HIS OPPONENT.

Come on, Bunzo … Kenjiro thinks as he absentmindedly drives a guy into the ground like a stake.

As Bunzo scurries away, his back hits a mountain of rocks at the edge of the quarry. With Bunzo cornered, Hisoka LEAPS INTO THE AIR and COMES DOWN HIM with a VICIOUS AXE KICK.

BOOOOOOM! AN EXPLOSION HURLS HISOKA BACKWARDS. Smoke covers the area as Hisoka looks down at his charred and bleeding leg.

“W-What the fuuuck?!” Hisoka murmurs in disbelief. He looks towards the ROLLING CLOUDS OF SMOKE and sees BUNZO walking out, a LIT CIGARETTE in his mouth and the TATTERED REMAINS of a CAST on his ARM.

“Surprised?” Bunzo takes a drag on his cigarette, “Even a guy like me knew coming into this fight I wasn’t going to win, at least with just my fists. But there’s two ways to win a battle, you know, and now you’ll see why they call me BUNZO THE GENIUS!”

That bastard … he had explosives in his cast this whole time?! Hisoka thinks. Hisoka rips a section of his uniform and bandages his injured leg. Climbing to his feet, the EDOGAWA CORPSE FLOWER becomes ENRAGED. As his skin turns a pale shade of red and his eyes roll in the back of his head, Arakaki Bunzo is still smiling, completely confident in his abilities! Hisoka leaps forward, BALLING HIS FISTS TOGETHER for an AXE HANDLE. Before he can land, Bunzo pulls out one of those PARTY POPPER THINGS and pulls the cord. POP! However, it’s not confetti comes shooting out, but SHARDS OF BROKEN GLASS!

“Guoooooh!” HISOKA GROANS as his FACE is filled with NUMEROUS, BLOOD-SQUIRTING HOLES.

“I call that the Bunzo Surprise! Now … GET A LOAD OF MY BALLS!” Bunzo makes this stupid, shit-eating grin as he PULLS OUT BOLAS. Spinning a rope with two weights attached at the ends, HE HURLS the WEAPON at HISOKA. Hisoka is easily entangled with the BOLAS, the ropes wrapping around him repeatedly. Once the ropes grow taut, the TWO WEIGHTS COMING SOARING TOGETHER.

CLACK! ELECTRICITY SURGES THROUGH HISOKA’S BODY, CAUSING HIS RED POMPADOUR TO EXPLODE AND HIS CLOTHES TO SMOKE. Once the electricity has passed through him, he falls face first into the dirt.

He did it … Bunzo actually … won! Kenjiro looks bewildered as he sits on a pile of goons.

-----

Andy’s PRISTINE WHITE SKIN begins to TURN BLUE as his body is deprived of oxygen. In front of him is Maeda Akira, who is taking a wide stance and digging his heels into the dirt.

“Feeling helpless, are you?” Maeda Akira does some breathing exercises as Andy pulls himself along the ground, “Your lungs are only stunned, so to speak. They’ll naturally re-inflate in a minute or so, but sadly you won’t be around long enough for that to matter.”

MAEDA digs his TOES into the DIRT and TILTS BACK HIS HEAD. His Adam’s apple looks like a fucking rock as it juts from his neck.

“NOW THEN, ANDY! I’LL SEND YOU TO HELL HEARING THE THUNDEROUS ROAR OF A TRUE MAN!” MAEDA SHOUTS. HE THEN BEGINS SUCKING COPIOUS AMOUNT OF AIR INTO HIS LUNGS. HIS CHEST EXPANDS ABOUT TEN INCHES FURTHER THAN USUAL AS THE GRASS AROUND THE TWO COMBATANTS STRAINS TOWARDS MAEDA’S MOUTH. ANDY PULLS HIMSELF TO HIS KNEES AS MAEDA AKIRA’S LUNGS REACH THEIR MAXIMUM CAPACITY. There is an EERIE CALM before the STORM.

“OSUUUUU!!” HIS JAW UNHINGES, STRETCHING HIS MOUTH TO NIGHTMARISH PROPORTIONS. A DEFEANING CRY, SOUNDING LIKE A MACABRE BLUE WHALE, RISES UP FROM MAEDA AKIRA’S THROAT. THE GROUND BEGINS TO TREMBLE AND ANDY’S VISION BLURS.

This is it … my only chance!

ANDY HURLS HIS BROKEN FIST AT THE TORNADO OF SOUND. AS IT CLOSES IN, THE SKIN OFF HIS HAND IS TORN OFF, EXPOSING THE BONE OF HIS KNUCKLES. WITH ONE LAST THRUST, HE DRIVES HIS HAND *INTO* MAEDA’S MOUTH, PLUGGING THE HOLE.

MAEDA AKIRA’S EYES BULGE FROM THEIR SOCKETS AS BLOOD SQUIRTS FROM HIS EARS AND NOSE. BLOOD DRIPS FROM HIS TEARDUCTS AS THE SOUND DESPERATELY FORCES ITS WAY OUT OF HIS SKULL.

“GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” MAEDA GARGLES AS BLOOD SHOOTS EVERYWHERE. Andy PLUCKS his HAND from Akira’s JAW and the VOICE OF GOD FALLS IN A HEAP.

With his last bit of strength, Andy takes his BLOODY, BROKEN FIST and gives MAEDA the THUMBS DOWN. Then he passes out.

-----

“WAY TO GO, BUNZO!” KENJIRO YELLS as he DESCENDS THE ROCK FORMATION. Bunzo fumbles through his pockets for a few seconds before pulling out a fresh cigarette. Kenjiro slows down his pace as he sees something moving behind Bunzo. Bunzo lights his cigarette and pleasantly takes a drag, UNAWARE that HISOKA is RISING UP FROM BEHIND HIM.

“B-B-Bunzo … you fucking bastard …” HISOKA STAGGERS FORWARD, his body smoking and leaking blood, “You’ve embarrassed me … for the LAST TIME … !” Before Bunzo can turn around, a MUAY THAI KNEE is DRIVEN INTO HIS TEMPLE! Blood JOLTS from the WOUND and ARAKAKI BUNZO is sent airborne. He only manages to leave a few inches off the ground before HISOKA grabs him by his ANKLE. Snatching him from the air, he SWINGS HIM like a HAMMER over his SHOULDER and into the GROUND. Bunzo feels his 3rd and 4th ribs break when he is driven into the dirt!

“F-Fuck you, Hisokaaa …” Bunzo says, UNDOING his FLY and UNZIPPING HIS PANTS, “TASTE BUNZO’S GROIN SPECIAL SURPRISE, YOU COCKSUCKER!!”

Bunzo sees something from his prone position on the ground, his HIPS ARCED UPWARD, his crotch pointing at his foe. Emerging from the gate is none other than Hisoka’s sister, SAKAMOTO SAKURA!

“Sa … ku … ra?” Bunzo murmurs weakly. She can hear her faintly shout something as she rushes towards him. “STOP FIGHTING!” She has tears in her eyes.

Bunzo turns to Hisoka who is descending upon him, his eyes white in rage, completely consumed in hatred. BUNZO THRUSTS FORWARD AND A ROCKET SHOOTS FROM HIS CROTCH, FLYING STRAIGHT TOWARDS HISOKA’S FACE.

“What kind of stupid technique is that … ?” Kenjiro looks despairingly. But that ROCKET DRIVES ITSELF INTO HISOKA’S FACE, KNOCKING HIM CLEAR OFF HIS FEET.

Before Bunzo can celebrate, the ROCKET RICOCHETS, HEADING BACKWARDS. As it SOARS OUT OF CONTROL, IT EXPLODES AGAINST A PILE OF ROCKS SET ABOVE SAKURA’S HEAD! OH SHIT!

“Huh? KYAAAAH!” Sakura shouts as she falls down for no reason. The ROCKS AVALANCHE TOWARDS HER as BUNZO SPRINGS TO HIS FEET.

“SAKURAAAA!” HE SCREAMS, PUSHING HER OUT OF THE WAY. THE AVALANCHE COLLAPSES ONTO BUNZO, BURYING HIM.

Hisoka watches on his knees, stunned at Bunzo’s bravery, as Kenjiro rushes over to the pile of rocks and begins to desperately dig through the pile. Kenjiro repeatedly calls for Bunzo’s but hears no response. Eventually, he sees a battered arm poking up from the rocks and Kenjiro grabs tightly onto his wrist. Kenjiro YANKS HIM FREE from the RUBBLE, his body badly bruised and bloodied.

“Bunzo? BUNZO!” Kenjiro slaps him repeatedly. Bunzo forces a smile.

“Do I … look cool … Ken-kun?” Bunzo utters. Kenjiro, his eyes welling up with tears, nods his head.

”You’re the coolest, Bunzo,” Kenjiro smiles.

Sakamoto Sakura rushes to Bunzo’s side in that weird way Japanese girls run. Kenjiro helps up his friend and Bunzo turns to Sakura.

“Bunzo …” Sakura looks away, her eyes sparkling, “Before I just went out with you because no other boy would since they were all so afraid of my brother. But then when I found out you were fighting for me, more than anyone else would … it really touched my heart. And now … you even risked your life just now to save me.”

Pulling a crumpled cigarette from inside his pocket, Bunzo brings it to his lips, his face emotionless. Just then, the increasingly bloody SAKAMOTO HISOKA DRAGS HIMSELF FORWARD.

“Bunzooooo …” he murmurs in a hate-filled tone. Sakura stands in front of Bunzo as Kenjiro impedes Hisoka’s path.

“This fight is over, Hisoka!” Kenjiro shouts. Hisoka reaches out with a bloody fist towards Bunzo. As it moves closer, the fist relaxes and unfolds.

“I know, and Bunzo defeated me …” Hisoka says, “Above all else, I can’t accept defeat. But this man is much stronger than I will ever be. He sacrificed his body to save my sister in the name of love.”

Hisoka’s hand trembles forward. Bunzo reaches out and takes it, gripping it firmly.

“Bunzo, you have my blessing …” Hisoka says, smiling for the first time in a non-smug way.

Bunzo turns to Sakura, his badass demeanor quaking under his extreme joy.

“Bunzo … I really like you … I want to be with you!” Sakura shouts, sparkling and shit. Bunzo’s quivering lip drops the cigarette and tears cascade down his cheeks.

“Sakura … I … I …” Bunzo tries to find the words. “I LOVE YOU!”

Bunzo leaps forward with his pants around his ankles, still unzipped from when he launched the Bunzo Groin Special Surprise, and with a raging boner flapping about. As he floats through the air with an erection, Sakura KICKS HIM in the face and runs off screaming. Hisoka and Kenjiro both face vault.

“Love … hurts …” Bunzo cries, tears gushing like waterfalls.

-----

Hours later, elsewhere in a classroom in Edogawa High, two shadowy figures loom over Maeda Akira. Maeda is on his hands and feet as he doesn’t have the strength to stand after the war he waged with Andy.

Suddenly, another shadowy figure gracefully glides through the open window on the 3rd story of Edogawa High

“Tch, it’s been a long time since I’ve had to look at you three assholes,” the newest mystery man mutters. “What’s the problem this time?”

”My brothers … Edogawa High has been completely defeated by Andy, the Bancho of Joto High, and Arakaki Bunzo of Junction Star High …” Maeda Akira bows his head. “I was bested in combat by Andy. Please, I beg you, grant me retribution!”

One of the shadowy figures, leaning backwards in a chair with his feet propped up on the table, lets out a deep sigh.

“And why should we?” the shadowy figure in the chair asks.

“B-Because we’re the Gang of Four! P-Plus they’re threatening to take over our schools. As the Banchos of the four strongest schools in Tokyo, we have a duty to protect our schools from those feminine institutions!”

“You’ve been humiliated and your pride is damaged, that is all,” the shadowy figure remarks, “Retribution? If you want it so bad, drag that cumbersome frame of yours out of our sight and take it. Summoning the Gang of Four together for such petty revenge …”

“B-But brothers! The delicate balance of power is being dis-“ Maeda cannot finish his sentence because the foot of the shadowy figure who entered through the window is placed firmly against his lips, silencing him.

”I’ve heard enough. You’ve lost, quit whining, you shit!” the long-legged mystery man shouts, “The Gang of Four has no place for the weak, you faggot!” The figure raises his LEG UP until it’s parallel with his torso and then FIRES IT DOWNWARD, HEEL FIRST. It drives ITSELF INTO MAEDA’S SHOULDER AND CUTS ACROSS HIS BARREL CHEST, unleashing a STREAM OF BLOOD into the AIR.

“GWAAAAAAAH!” MAEDA HOWLS, BLOOD SPRAYING LIKE A FINE MIST FROM HIS TORSO. Maeda Akira collapses onto the classroom floor, lifeless.

”So, this Andy and that Bunzo guy, you think they’re strong?” the killer directs his comment to the shadowy figure at the desk.

“I don’t know. Maybe this threat is real. Either way, let’s find out.”

VOLUME 2: END

NEXT ISSUE: What plans does this evil organization have?! #3 makes his appearance!